Wanted

Single thirty something self-sufficient woman is seeking forty-ish man who can act his age when necessary. Looking for fun companion who can make me laugh, even if it's at his expense. Divorcee with a small house, space is at a premium, so a man with minimal baggage is a plus. Home has one closet, the contents in which do not include any skeletons other than the Halloween decorations. Mom of two young crazy boys, said choice companion must also be a good role model, paying taxes via a real job, know adjectives that are not profane, and have substantial knowledge of Superheros past and present. Other assets and duties will include but are not limited to:


- The knowledge of at least 12 colors, and the ability to accept that "peach" and "orange" are both colors and food.

- A love of comic books, with the ability to read them out loud for hours to my children while I enjoy a moment of quiet.

- "Nascar" style races through the grocery store to see who finishes their list first.

- An obsessive, but not too scary, compulsion to sell on EBAY.

- I am an experienced Jedi master, so choose your battles well. And, fair warning, the force is strong with my young ones as well.

- Willing to play hours and hours of UNO, often for money.

- Mind reading skills as necessary.

- Willingness to purchase and drop off a gallon of milk everyday, as we are always out.

- Be secure enough in his manhood to drink a Strawberry Daiquiri, and like it.

- Scream like a girl beside me on the roller coaster, and get in line a second time because the kids want to do it again.

- Extensive knowledge of power tools and home improvement projects are not necessary. Volunteering to be the labor is. Landscaping skills are always welcome.

- I have guy friends, you however, can only have married unattractive female friends.

- Eat every fabulous gourmet dinner I have created, and offer to buy take out when it goes horribly wrong.

- Be in constant amazement of me, but not so much that you can't tell me when I'm wrong or when I need to buy the next size up in jeans.

- Turn the volume off when watching basketball because the squeaking sneakers on the parquet floor make me crazy. All other sports are volume permitted. (Except maybe the stupid horns during the World Cup.)

- Remind me that being responsible all the time is not always responsible.


So, if you like Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain, you're already too late. I found my perfect match before this ad was published.

I couldn't ask for a better side kick or stunt double Dad for my boys.

Thanks baby,

Happy Birthday.