We Ran For The Hills...

Him: Did you map quest the directions?
Me: No I borrowed Ma's GPS.
Him: You don't think we should map quest?
Me: Ah, no we've got the GPS.
(15 minutes into the trip)
Him:  Where we going?
Me: I don't know, the GPS can't find it.

We head north, without a clue as to how to get there.  But, the sitter's with the kids and we're escaping as fast as we can, as far as we can.  Almost Hubby and I haven't escaped without the kids in almost two years. This willmost likely be the last time until our honeymoon. So, when he asked what I wanted for my birthday this year, this was a no brainer.  Having the GPS not find a castle that's been there since 1909, however, I was not prepared for.  But, we were taking full advantage of the night off, even if it meant we didn't stop until  the Canadian border.  So we were off... I put the GPS on the dash so we'd at least know what state we were in.

I attempted to do some leaf peeping, but you can't do much from the passenger side of a car at 70mph.  And, truthfully, the recent storms have done a lot of damage to the foliage.  We were off to New Hampshire, land of maple syrup and pine trees, and of course the old man in the mountain, who has long since fallen off the side of the mountain. But never fear, I was accompanied by the old man in the car...

I love road trips with Almost Hubs, we travel well together.  So after three hours of driving with "Two Pina Coladas", "Friends In Low Places", and the "Rocket Man", we finally found the hotel.  It looks like the cutest place right?

Actually, this is the cutest part of the hotel.  The inside was a throw back to the 80's with satin bedspread and pea green walls.  Oh, and how could I forget the bottle opener attached to the side of the bathroom door casing?  Yes, this room had it all, just shy of crime scene tape and the sexy cast of CSI.

Anyway, we changed for the evening and decided to venture further North toward our adventure.  Still armed with the useless GPS, we inevitably found the place with the help of some very friendly locals.  When we got to the main gate, it was closed for the season.  Evidently, the gate for us was 1.5 miles back, and was marked with several signs like "Castle entrance this way", and "Murder guests, Enter Here".  Who knew?  So anyway, we made it.  Allow me to set the Scene....

We have arrived at Castle in The Clouds.  A Castle built in 1909, by an eccentric millionaire on the side of the mountain over looking Lake Winnipesaukee.  We are there for a wonderful dinner during a 20 year high school reunion of Castle High's class of 1955. There are 6 main characters. Dee Dee, the head cheerleader, now a proud member of the 100lbs lost club. Wolfy, the drunken idiot of the class, later turned millionaire CEO. Mikey, class nerd now Private Investigator.  Mitzi, the class slut, now turned nun.  Veronica the shy nerd, now soap star. And Cassandra, the prom queen, now dead.  We gathered tonight, to relive the old days of high school, and figure out who killed the prom queen.

Our evening is in the carriage house of the Castle...

It was an old stable converted into a hall.  The historical society has restored it beautifully, maintaining much of the old details.

The upstairs is a beautiful reception hall with little nooks and crannies to enjoy.

As well as windows lining the wall to enjoy the view.   I only wish we had gotten there before sunset.

We left our things at our  table reserved for the Band.  Yes, for the evening we were band geeks, so Almost and I quickly made up our "imaginary background character profiles".  I rocked the triangle, and at 6'2" Almost Hubs was the band's protection/muscle.

As we gathered by the fireplace, Mikey had already started welcoming the guests.

We met Sister Mitzi on the stairway.

As soon as almost Hubby left me alone at the table, Wolfy tried to pick me up.  Funny how, he'd never given me the time of day in our imaginary High School.    He was unsuccessful in his attempts, as I have never cared much for polyester plaid suits.

We were shortly joined by 6 other band mates, 3 very funny couples all from New Hampshire, all with funny stories of their own to share.  Dinner was fabulous, catered by the local turkey farm, Harts.  I was told that desert was fabulous.  Then the show started.  It was a great show with singing, dialogue, and a bit of  a twist.  In the end, I had no idea who "dun it" but some of the guests had some awesome ideas. FYI, it was Wolfy, evidently, he's got issues from his childhood.

I wish I could remember the name of the Production company that put on the Murder Mystery dinner.  They did a fabulous job of staying in character and incorporating the guests within the story.  I laughed until my cheeks hurt. When our night was over, we returned to our CSI style hotel room, and prayed we wouldn't be murdered in our sleep rested up for the long drive home in the morning. 

For Breakfast, we made our way back to the restaurant where we had stopped for directions the night before.

Mostly locals, they totally knew how to get into the spirit of Halloween, as most of the staff were dressed up.  Breakfast was excellent.  They make their own sausages, and I can say they were the best I've had.  Ever.

On the way home, Almost Hubs and I stopped for some picture taking around town.  This is one of the many reasons I love him, he so gets my dorky-ness.

And another reason I love him... he stopped in the middle of the highway so I could get these shots....

I know they're just dead leaves.

But nothing beats fall in New England.

Or, escaping the kids for 24 hours.

Thursday's To Do List:

1. Drag butt out of bed.
2. Get everyone out of the house, quick trip to grocery store.
3. Drop off kids at school.
4. Work all day.
5. Pick up kids.
6. Chemistry, homework, dinner.
7. Make 57 eyeballs.

 

Yup.  57 Gluten Free sugar cookie eyeballs
with Necco wafer iris and chocolate chip pupils.



8.  Pray the kids like them.

The Week's To Do List:

Monday:

• Get up.
• Work all day.
• Pick up kids from school.
• Karate, homework, dinner, bed.

 Tuesday:

• Get up.
• Work all day.
• Pick kids up from school.
• Homework, dinner, bed.

Wednesday:

• Get up.
• Keep kids home from school, make big breakfast, kiss Almost Hubby as he runs out the door.
• Grab all necessary paperwork for today's errands.
• Load up car with kids and trash for the dump.
• Stop at insurance agent's, attempt to drop off all paperwork for new car.
• Find out You need a commercial policy. CRAP.  Move this to tomorrow's To do list.
• Go to dump.
• Go to Kohl's, make exchange that's been sitting in the car for the week.
• Fill up at the gas station.
• Go to BJ's, find they do not have what you want, allow the kids to start making their Christmas list.
• Go to Toys 'R' Us, find what you need, and some extras that the saleswoman helped you hide from the kids as you were checking out.
• Go to Target, find the last piece of your niece's Christmas gift, and again, let the kids add to their lists.
• Arrive at the pediatrician's for TWO yearly physicals, have kids start homework in the waiting room.
• Go home for lunch.
• Research commercial auto policies for Letter Carriers on the web, find out that they are valid everywhere but in Massachusetts. CRAP.
• Grab more paperwork, ensure more homework is getting done in the car.
• Arrive at another doctor's office for two med check appointments.
• Arrive at Mom's for quick cup of tea, and borrow GPS.
• Arrive at therapist office, reiterate everything for the 4th time today.
• Duck out while youngest is in his session, arrive at the grocery store.
• Back with 10 minutes to spare, pick up youngest child, head home.
• Arrive home, clean cat puke off your comforter. Bag comforter for dry cleaner in the AM.
• Cook dinner.
• Talk with Neuropsychologist at length regarding what to do with the youngest.
• Put kids to bed.
• Load dishwasher, set timer for 2am.
• Spend 2 hours sorting through IEP's to find one missing piece of information from 2007.
• Spend 1 hour photocopying and emailing said documents to various individuals.
• Twenty minute clean up of house.
• Pee.
• Crawl into bed, exhausted.
• Lay there, wide awake. 

Does anyone else ever feel like it would have been easier to go to work? 
  

Random Tuesday...

It's Tuesday! As you can see I've survived my trek to the summit of Mount Laundry and lived to blog again.  So without further ado....

Time for some randomness! Which is good, becasue I'm so busy right now, I'm surprised I can construct a full sentence, let alone a cohesive story.  Anyhow...  Head on over to Keely's and link up!

It's Fall here in New England.  The frost is on the pumpkin, the hay is in the barn, the skeletons are coming out of the closet... and my front yard...

Behold, my ex... Kidding... Maybe.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I've decided that having braces is like childbirth.  You don't remember how painful it is, just the rewards of a beautiful smile afterwards. So you elect to do it again, completely forgetting about the soreness in your gums, the shredding of the inside of your lips, and the gooey yucky-ness of orthodontic wax.  And to think... I paid good money for this.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My son has to do a mini report on someone who helped shape American history.  I thought it would be fun to do his report on a non-famous American hero, his Great Great Grandfather.  His teacher gave it the Okay, provided he can gather enough research on him.  Is it wrong that I'm having more fun with this project than he is?  Oh, how I wish that this report was due later. We are visiting Washington DC in a few weeks, and I am hoping to visit the National Archives to see what else I can find.  I can so feel a future post coming on... :)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I woke up on Saturday morning to a tiny flashlight on it's way to the bathroom at 4am.  Upon his return to his room, I heard voices down stairs.  I arrived in their room to find the youngest in his box, and the oldest reading him comic books.  Why can't they get along like that during the normal human hours of the day?  Upon my return to bed, Almost Hubby and I started to talk.  Around 6 am, I mentioned that we hadn't talked like this since the really early days of our dating.  His response?

"That's because we're old now.  We need our sleep.  I mean come on, you were like in your twenties then, and I wasn't even close to my forties."

Great.  So now I've been up since 4am and I'm old. Lovely.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I am now the proud owner of two cars.  Yeah? One is my pride and joy Subaru, and the other is a 2000 right hand drive Saturn.  The theory is that when my Subaru finally implodes, I will have the Saturn as a back up car until I can find a new one that doesn't scream Mom of two.  Also, with it being a right hand drive, I will not have to deliver mail out of the "new" car, as I can delegate the Saturn for mail delivery only.  The theory is great, when it works out.  We'll see. 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My son's learning weapons in his Karate class.  This is the son with the violent temper, random tantrums, and uncontrollable anger issues.  Because really, what could possibly go wrong with that?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And finally, I am almost done Christmas shopping. 

Don't hate.  Green is not your color.

This Could Be The End...

Dear Blog O' Buddies,

I am writing this letter to say a possible farewell.  It's just me and the kids today, as everyone else seems to have something extremely fun and awesome incredibly important to do.  I will be venturing to the top of Mount Laundry today, armed with only a candy bar, Tide, and some Snuggle softener sheets.  I have practiced this before, but have never tackled a summit such as this.  Lord only knows what creatures I may find in amongst the cracks and crevices of this majestic un-natural wonder.  The peak is high my friends, and the air is thin.  If you don't hear from me by Tuesday, please check on the children.  I only left them enough cereal for three days.

I will miss you all, but there are just some journeys that must be done alone.

Warmest regards,

Taking A Moment...

I have been doing a lot of things for a lot of people lately.  And, while I love a productive day more than the average human being (there's something really wrong with me I know) eventually, I will hit a wall.  Hard.

Which happened the other day.  I had had a whole 2 days off in a row (I can't remember the last time that happened) and was actually grateful to be back at work and getting back into routine.  It was a beautiful day for delivering mail, until the sky opened up and a monsoon struck.  Yup.  'Tis the season for New England Nasty weather.  Forty five minutes later, the sun came out. Fifteen minutes later, hail. Hail! Lord help me.

So, needless to say, when I dropped the youngest off at Chemistry, I did not have it in me to go outside.  So I sat and waited.  I admired the beauty of the antique building that the class was being held in.  The majestic staircases, hand carved railings, hundred year old hand blown glass lights. Just beautiful.

As I sat there, in the quiet, I thought I'd do something for myself I have not done in a long time. 

Meditate.

I got comfy on the floor.

I closed my eyes.

I concentrated on my breathing.

Clear my mind... banish all thoughts... no work, no orthodontic pains, no errands, no endless piles of laundry waiting for me when I get home...

Feel the breath fill my lungs... exhale through the mouth... that hurts like the dickens. Thank God I didn't have the bottom braces done too.

Breathe in, fill my chest and stomach... that now twangs for any thing with more substance than a smoothie.

Thinking again... banishing oh-so-many-more stressful thoughts... only 6 minutes have passed... Crap.

Keep breathing... finally reach a quiet place...

Interrupted by cel phone of another waiting parent... Lady Ga Ga... lovely.

Re-center myself...

45 minutes later...

Wipe drool from my face.

Seems I fell asleep.

Maybe next time I need a moment for myself,

I'll just go back to the car and take a nap.

Elvis Is Alive, & He's On My Wedding Cake

No.  Not really.  But he could be. See...

Really.  He sings and everything

As promised, this post is all about the cake.  Yummy.  See, I have this psychotic crazy idea in mind and an even crazier more fabulous Sister-in-law-to-be who is crazy  wonderful enough to execute it for me.  So here's the idea...

Five wedding cakes.

Five.

One for each table.

Each a different flavor and design, but coordinating together.

See, here's the thing.

Attending the wedding are three Gluten Free guests (including myself and my son), one with nut allergies, three diabetics, and a Groom who only likes lemon cake.  He's so weird.

So, my solution?

Five smaller scaled cakes.

Each cake could be served to the table, along with a cake knife and server.  Guests cut their table's cake, allowing each guest to take as little or big a piece as they want, and even go in for seconds. They can even mix it up, mingle, sample other table's cakes. After all, life's too short for plain vanilla.  And come on... it's cake!  One piece is never enough.

I found several styles of cakes that I really loved.  The plan is to duplicate or create a variation of each design as a six to eight inch single 3 layer cake (no tiers) and give them all a cohesive design.  The cake for our table would be two tiered, the top being Gluten Free, and the bottom being lemon, for my weirdo honey.  Almost-Sister-In-Law gets total creative licence on pulling it all together.  It's all up to her to work her magic...

I really love the black pearls and gift wrapped idea of this one.
As if every table got their own "present."

Four of the cakes will be topped simply with either chocolate dipped strawberries, edible bows, or classic hearts surrounded by edible flowers.  I did feel however, that the cake for our table should have a more traditional topper. And, so I began the hunt through the world's biggest yard sale Ebay.  I thought I'd share with you a bit of what is out there...

Homer and Marge..
Because, nothing says love like the Simpsons

Mario and The Princess...
Because love is better in the virtual world.

Okay, I just love this one.

Shriek and Fiona....
A testament to love being blind.

This one's just creepy....
But it comes in several different styles.

This one's even funnier if you know that
Wonder Woman was a lesbian.

Leia and Hans Solo...
Because, Jedi Mind Tricks get the man every time.

Needless to say, there's a lot out there to choose from. And, some of them (like Elvis) are quite pricey.  After 897 choices,  I finally found one that I loved...

.....right in my living room.  I have a large collection of Snow-babies.  They are actually the only thing I collect.  Knowing this, shortly after our first date in 2004, Almost Hubby bought this one for me.  It's titled, "I want to Kiss you".  And I thought...

What would be more appropriate?

Nothing.

So there you have it.  Another wedding task off the list.

Next up... rings.

How To Turn 36... An Hour By Hour Guide.

5:42am  Realize that lovely noise that woke you up is actually the cat preparing to puke on your bed.  Grab said cat, race through freezing cold house, and place him on the kitchen floor.  Clean up nasty kitty breakfast and random hairballs.  Scrub stray cooties from your hands, return to bed.

6:10 am  Open eyes again, to whining youngest son, when you say he can only play an hour of DS this morning. he agrees to leave you alone for 30 minutes, knowing full well, if you fall asleep, he might score an extra half hour of DS time.

6:35am  Get out of bed, start the day.  Remember that no one picked up ice cream and you will not be having sundaes for breakfast as promised.  Commence whining by both sons.

7:30am  Morning stuff completed, contact plumber (aka favorite uncle) to offer up your house for four days in exchange for a bathroom remodel while you're out of town.  Suddenly realize that you now need to buy all the materials for said bathroom remodel.

8:15am  Get kids out the door, on the bus, return phone call from Mom to coordinate dinner plans.

8:30am  Answer phone calls from boss to clear up the nightmare that is now ensuing from the previous day of working in her office.  I'll spare you the details... I was in the right, the regular needs a new job. 

9:00am Enter the Orthodontist's chair right on time.  Laying in the chair with several appliances in your mouth, stretching your mouth in ways no mouth should, tasting the wonderful flavors of adhesive and metal, you think...what the hell was I thinking?

9:45am Realize talking with braces is extremely difficult.  Also realize you can no longer whistle.

10:00 am  Arrive at Home Depot, buy wood for back stairs, browse all bathroom fixtures, tile, vanity etc.  Tally the damage... have small heart attack in the aisle.

10:30am Receive call from another Boss, who doesn't realize you're not working, and wants to discuss the schedule.  Last time you checked, that was his job, not yours.

11:00am  Return home, drop off supplies.  Measure bathroom for tile, have another heart attack while calculating the cost of the tile.  Damn that expensive taste.

11:30am Contact venue where you will be going for your birthday weekend away.  Ensure that you can eat the food they will be serving. (I will be posting stuff from this weekend, stay tuned...it will be awesome!) Attempt to contact JP for the wedding, leave message.

12:00pm  Stalk a friend, force her to take you to lunch. Have an unbelievably good scallop salad in tiny tiny bites so as not to make a mess, or injure yourself via the braces. Realize you have no table manners with braces.

2:00pm Arrive home, begin planning itinerary for an impromptu family trip in 3 weeks.  Contact congressman, arrange tickets and reservations, find suitcases.

3:15pm Pick up youngest from school.  Show off braces.  Drop him off at after school program clear across town.  Pray he gets all his homework done.

3:30pm  Finally get in touch with JP.  Schedule an appointment for Sunday.  Cross that detail off the wedding list.

4:00pm  Find the most amazing tile at outlet store.  Have them search the country for 60 sq feet to no avail. Contemplate living with plastic sheeting on tub surround until you can find that tile.  Because, yes, it is that perfect.

4:45pm  Test drive new-to-you-car.  It's a right hand drive Saturn.  Consider the state of your life, and that you will be that Mom.  The one who drives a beige station wagon.  Then realize, that once you buy a right hand drive car, this job you have, may actually need to become a career.  Hold back the urge to puke.

5:15pm  Arrive back at school to pick up the oldest.  Make the trek back across town to meet for dinner.  Arrive at Red Robin to find your table for 11 waiting. 

6:00pm  Sit down to dinner, enjoy a fabulous meal, complete with dessert and public humiliation. Got to love that Birthday song of theirs.

7:15pm  Gaze across the table at Almost Hubby harassing your brother and brother-in-law like boys do, snuggle your kids on either side of the booth, watch your sister read a story to your niece and nephew, and watch your parents take it all in.  Contemplate this being the best Birthday ever.

7:30pm  On the way home, realize that some thing's not right, get off the expressway, arrive in the Bank Of America parking lot and proceed to get sick.  Laugh at the irony of your day starting and ending with puke.

8:00pm  Eventually, arrive home, open a few additional gifts and smell the roses amongst the cards.  Put kids to bed, finish up family trip itinerary with Almost Hubby.

9:00pm Blog...

10:00pm  See the day unfold in print.  Think you're really getting to old for all this excitement.



PS  Tomorrow's plan?  Returning to bed after a 9am meeting.  Sleep til noon. 

My Sesame Street...

Once upon a time, in a little tiny speck of a town in suburban Boston, there was a little girl who lived on her very own version of Sesame Street.  Every house in the neighborhood had kids. Moms stayed home and baked cookies. Dogs roamed free from house to house, begging for tennis balls and anyone gullible enough for a game of fetch.  The kids varied in ages, but all got along.  The bus stop was at the entrance of the neighborhood which, for many, was the equivalent of walking 6 miles uphill, in the snow, both ways.  Every morning it was a flurry of activity and socialization.  It was rare for parents to wait at the bus stop, as there was no safer place in the neighborhood. No one was ever dropped off, or waited out of the rain in a car.   

Coming home from school, the neighborhood boys would sacrifice themselves to the behemoth Great Danes on the corner.  While the boys were mauled, the girls would sprint the miles to the safety of their front porches. The boys would return to their homes once the girls were safely tucked into their houses, with minor grass satins and giant slobber marks all over their faces. 

The neighbors socialized.  One grew vegetables in his garden that quite often, graced every one's dinner tables.  The kids played outside everyday, until they heard their Mom scream out the front door that dinner was ready.  Fourth Of July was cause for a neighborhood block party, complete with piling the kids in the back of a truck to see the amateur display of  completely illegal fireworks.

Yes. There was gossip. 

No.  Not everyone got along. 

But, it was all good in the neighborhood.

We rolled down mountainous hills, built forts in the tallest trees, flew kites in the fields, and made childish friends for life pacts under the giant Japanese Maple tree in the front yard.  Some of the neighbors had giant mansion style homes, others had just enough space.  Each one was different, some A frame, some traditional, some completely unique with a style all their own.

Oh, how I miss the neighborhood I grew up in.

Today I was re-routed to an office I normally don't work in.  I was re-routed to a route I have not done in years. Today, I was re-routed back 30 years, and I was once again 6 years old.  Delivering the mail to the homes I once played in, the streets I ran through, I couldn't help but feel sad at how things really are, as opposed to how I remember them. 

The huge neighborhood I remember consists of 10 homes.

The fields I flew kites in are now a new development.

The mountains I rolled down and trees I climbed, are actually small scrub pines, and a virtually non-existent dent in the backyard.

The miles and miles I ran home to avoid the dogs, is actually less than a quarter mile.

All the homes are less than 1200 sq feet, there's not one mansion among them.

The Japanese Maple in the front yard, after 30 years, never grew more than 8 feet high.

The neighbor no longer grows his garden.

The names on many of the mailboxes have changed.

But, I couldn't help but smile when I came back down the street and saw....

....the kids still wait at the bus stop.

Geez, You Guys Really Love Me...

Okay, so I'm way behind the eight ball on this one.

A while back, Jewels over at Turning 30 gave me this award. 

And then last week, Novie over at Just Another Avenue gave me another one.

So without further ado, I say... 

THANK YOU.

Honestly, I'm a little taken back by all this recognition.  While my ego is loving it (Yeah go me!), I'm feeling a little pressure.  What if I get writer's block?  What if my crap top lap top finally dies and I can't write?  What if I (gasp) lose followers? What if my children stop being maniacal evil geniuses, and I have nothing to blog about?  Nah, forget that last one.  Their evil runs as deep as their genius. It may even be genetic.

Anyway, Thank you Jewels and Novie.  Those of you who have not checked them out yet should do so.  They rock!

So, the rules to this award are that I should share 7 things about me that no one knows.  Which is hard since, you guys already know more than my mother. And, that I'm pretty much an open book. But here goes...

• I am an open book, but I am careful about who I lend the book out to.
• My favorite movie is still the Princess Bride. Best line ever? "Life is pain Princess, anyone who tells you otherwise is trying to sell you something."
• I am actually very shy, but no one who knows me, believes me.
• I was picked last for every sport growing up.  Athletically challenged is an understatement.
• I don't watch the news.  I hate what's going on in the world.  I get clips from the internet, but I can't stand the sensationalism that goes on with the media.
• I don't watch much TV. If Almost Hubby doesn't come by, the TV stays off for days.
• I hate being connected all the time.  Sometimes I leave my cel phone behind on purpose. Don't tell anyone, I'll deny it like crazy.

Well, now that that's all out there.... I'm supposed to pass this along to some of my other imaginary friends.  I got to be honest here folks, some days, it's all I can do to turn the computer on, let alone follow a gazillion blogs.  But I do have two that are good reads, time and time again....

Absolutely Narcissism  Sandra never fails to crack me up.  In this whole big giant imaginary universe, she conveys the tragically humorous day in and outs of motherhood and returning to school better than most.  And, she swears, a lot.  Which is Okay, becasue sometimes having a bunch of kids, a postal hubby, a weirdo ex-husband, and finding a new career requires the use of the "F"word. No one gets that more than me. Go visit, you'll be glad you did.

Always Home And Uncool  Come on.  You know you want to be a friend to the Uncool.  For an uncool man, he is one of the best writers I've come across in a while.  Of course, it helps that he does it for a living.  Weather it's taking on the school supply list, praying for the power to be turned back on, hanging with the girls at the NY BlogHer convention, or fighting to cure JM, his unmatched witty views of reality and life are an excellent read.   Go visit Mr. Uncool, his wife "My Love" and the kids, "Thing 1 & 2". Go. I promise, you'll find your own things to love about this husband, father, writer, and goofball... order subject to change.


Enjoy!

Going Postal...

Dear Postal Customer,

First, let me tell you that I am not your regular carrier.  I am the substitute carrier. A "weekend warrior" if you will, covering your regular carrier's days off.  Therefore, I will never remember that your daughter moved away from home, and that your son's baby mama is now living with you.  I run one or more of 27 routes on any given day, which is approximately 5,000 homes, with over 12,000 names.  Frankly, I'm amazed I remember my own name at the end of the day.  So yes, I will make mistakes.  I am human.

I will however, notice if your mail piles up and go to your door to check on you.  I will put your packages between your storm door and front door to keep them from getting wet.  I will bring your mail to your door with said packages, or certified mailing as a courtesy.  I will run additional packages to you on my way home. I will let your kids check out my mail truck.  I will notice if you forget postage on a bill, and give you one of my own stamps so your payment won't be late. And, I will deliver your mail to any receptacle you desire.  A pipe nailed to a tree.  A Rubbermaid bucket on the porch.  A cooler in the shed.  Even this...

Photo compliments of http://www.okshooters.com/

 In return, there are a few things I ask of you.

If you stop me at the mail box and give me a pile of bills for your Aunt Sally and tell me she's deceased, do not get in your car and hunt me down the next day, looking for her package from Ebay or her welfare check.  If she was dead yesterday, seems to me, she's still dead today.

If you are not home when I try to deliver your medication that requires a signature, do not call my boss and insist that I never went to the door.  You found the notice on your door.  How else would it have gotten there?  Then, do not back track through your words, and insist that I didn't ring the bell or knock.  Why else would I have gone to the door?  Do feel free to write your Senator and tell them what a crappy job I'm doing.  Maybe your lack of better things to do complaint will help Postal Reform.

If your mailbox looks like this...

Please don't complain that your mail ended up on the ground.  The lid was closed when I left.

If your box is missing the lid, please do not call and complain that your mail got wet.

If your mailbox is embedded into a concrete post or stone wall, and is missing the lid, flag, and has no mailbox representation what so ever, you most likely will not get mail.  I need to be able to see your mailbox to deliver to it.

If your mailbox is missing the flag, please do not complain that I missed your out going mail.

If you really need a new mailbox, and can not get to Walmart, Home Depot, or Lowes, click here, and I'll be happy to deliver a brand shiny new one right to your door.

If your mail box looks like this...

(Compliments of comstock)

Please do not call and complain that you mail is wrinkled.

Finally, I realize that you work as hard as I do.  I know that you are smart with your money.  Therefore, when you spend $20 of your hard earned money on this sign...

No.  No I can't.
Not even if there's ice cream involved.

I will not be coming to your door with anything.  Please don't call and complain, because I really need my ankles, and my legs. Thanks.

Now if you spend $5 on this sign....

This is an actual sign on one of my routes.
I may need to buy this for my Mom.

I'll probably take my chances. 

I'm crazy like that.

Sincerely,

My Son The Hobo

My son's latest obsession?

A box.

A big box.

He wants to live in said box.

Everyday, he comes home from school with a new picture of the box...

Or, a new story about what he did/will do in the box....



"My weekend was good because I spent it in a box. 
I eat in the box.  I sleep in the box.  I play video games in the box."
Great, his teacher already doesn't like me.
Now she's going to think I keep him in a box on the weekends.



Lately, the box design has a windshield, wheels, and a solar powered engine.

See that square thing in the back?
Yeah, that's his laptop.

Great, now he wants to live in a "green" mobile box.

DSS I'm putting the coffee on now... would you like decaf or regular?

I'm not gonna lie here.  I was starting to think it was me.  Especially when I found him trying to invent a way to keep the cardboard from getting soggy in the rain. Was it really that bad living here? 

No.

He just wants his own space.

Because sharing his 16 X 20 room with his brother really stinks.

Yes, the only thing that could stink worse than that is sharing your 12 X 10 room with your future husband.  There is something seriously wrong with the allocation of space in this house. Dang.  Maybe I should get a box.

So, I did what any totally in touch, super cool, wicked awesome, Mom would do.

I got him a washing machine box.

We're making the necessary renovations.

It will be the hottest, coolest, pimped out best box in town.

All the other hobos in town, yeah, they're already jealous.