Dear Bonus Brother...

Sometimes I write things and wait to publish them to ensure that I don't cause chaos amongst the ranks. This is one of those posts.  I wrote this when he had spent a week with us, the night before he was going home.  I know this may be tough for Tony to read, so my advice is for him to skip this one.  But, it has been brewing in my noggin for some time now, and I just felt it needed out. 

Dear Bonus Brother,

The other night we were driving to pick up Youngest and we were discussing the hazards of technology.  More specifically, we were discussing how I felt it was important to "detox" the boys once a month or so, tucking away all gadgets and techno-whats-its for a few days and finding other ways to occupy their time.  Your response was "You want them to be less like me."  We talked some more, and I know you thought nothing more about the conversation afterwards, but I did.  Because in all honesty, if the either of the boys turn out like you, I'd be proud. 

You are strong in your opinions, pressured by no one.  You know exactly where you don't want your life to end up, and stay far away from stupid choices for fear of that happening.  You are smart, witty, and full of information I never knew I needed.  You don't smoke, won't try drugs, and have never even had a sip of beer.  You don't talk back and I know that treat girls with respect.  While it is true that I insist on a balance for the boys of real and virtual worlds, had I had any hand in raising you, I would have insisted on this for you as well.  Because all the things I wish for them, I wish for you as well.  I could not love you more if you were formed from my own genes, and am often frustrated that because you are not, I am left without having any say in what happens to you and the choices you make.

In reality, none of us do.  Not your Dad, not your Mom, just you. And although you see our eyes roll at some of your choices, or it seems we can't relate, I assure you that this is not the case.  We were all 17 once too,  some would say you father hasn't matured much since, and while I can not speak for them, I can speak for myself. 

See darlin', the world owes you nothing.  Nothing is handed to you on a plate, silver or otherwise.  People will not be nice to you simply because you are nice to them.  In fact, many more people will take advantage of your niceness.  Life isn't fair.  Fair is that everyone gets what they need, and if you're not insisting on getting that for yourself, no one's going to do it for you.  The adult world will not cut your pancakes for you. Most likely it will insist you drive to the store, buy the pancake batter, cook the pancakes, find a plate and utensils, and then make you eat them cold.  Its just the way it is.  It's can be a cold and lonely place, filled with epic failures and much disappointment. It is scary to become an adult.  Really, really scary.

Secretly, I think you know this already.  Not unlike most teenagers today, you spend so much time in your virtual world, a world where you can be as powerful and unyielding as you want.  It is a world free of responsibility, consequence, and disappointment. And, at the end of the game, you can just hit reset and start it all over again.  Every morning you sat next to me in the car, head buried in your 3DS, avoiding most everything around you.

While you sit texting through the entire Celtics or Red Sox game, the game plays on, and you miss it. While you play online with your virtual friends, the world called and didn't leave a message. Your focus is so narrow to what you know you like, I fear you may never know what you might like.    You've missed your junior prom, because it just wasn't your thing.  You've turned down vacations because it may take you from this virtual world, not realizing that by staying home to be connected, you are disconnected from the world right in front of you.  Sometimes I think your ideal job would be involve video games with cartoon co-workers. And, the only school you are truly interested in is the one your friends have picked for themselves, thus making it the easy choice for you. 

Now, please hear me when I say while the world will give you nothing, you have the opportunity to take anything from it.  Anything.  Life comes with a wealth of information, an over abundance of experience, and opportunities to make new choices and have fantastic adventures. Learn from all of it, even if all you learn is how to to leave those new things behind.  Do not sit in the back of the class, hoping that you will get something from it.  March up to the front, or even the middle row, and tell them what you need and demand all that class has to offer.  Make your own pancakes, serve them with exotic flavored syrups, whipped cream and a cherry. Eat them with your fingers if you'd like.  Do not worry who may be watching you, as most of them are just jealous that they didn't think of doing it first. Mistakes do not define you, they just tell you who you're not, and when we limit ourselves to only who we think we are, we can completely lose sight of all we can be.

I have watched how you've learned to navigate the rooftops or medieval terrain of every game you play. You know where all the secrets are hidden, where all the extra points are stored, and how to use every advantage in the game.  But, honey, there is no reset in the real world, no replay, no extra lives.

This is it.

You only get one.

And, it's happening right now.

Not two seconds from now,

not two minutes ago,

NOW.

I meant what I said before when I started this ramble.  I am proud to be part of your life.  The positive experiences you have brought to our lives is beyond measure, and the spin that you bring is better than any amusement ride.  There are so many things ahead of you, and part of me is envious that you get this amazing chance, as I've missed so many of mine.

But, it's still there for you. All for your taking. 

So do it.

Take the real world, use it up, toss it aside and demand some more.  It's the only one you get.

Go. 

Go now.

But not before you take your laundry out of the dryer.  Your mother will kill me if I send you home with no clothes.

Love,

Your evil Step-Mother