Surviving Boys

FREE Stuff!!!!!

2012-01-31T22:21:00.002-05:00

Really!

Can you believe it?

The folks over at My Memories contacted me to try their scrap booking software for FREE! And hey, if it's FREE, it's for me. Mkay, moving on. I have been known to have made a scrap book or 13 two in my lifetime. And while I love doing them, they are incredibly labor intensive and the embellishments alone can almost cost as much as the trip itself by the time I am done. I will spend hours going back and forth to the craft store, pawing over every teeny tiny sticker, ribbon, or jeweled encrusted trinket that would be the perfect memento to complete my page. And while Tony has supported my endeavors when it comes to say, memorializing our wedding day or our various family trips, creating such lavish books for the everyday excitement that is our lives, undoubtedly would make me us all insane. And poor. Very poor.

My solution to this was to download everyday photos into sites and have them bound into hardcover photo books. They were nice, but offered little in the way of editing, embellishments, and decorative backgrounds. So, when I checked out My Memories, I was excited to see the editing possibilities.

The download took about 30 minutes. I'm sure those of you with a higher speed connection could complete the download faster, but hey, I'm a simple girl with DSL.

Upon opening the site, there are several prompts that ask you what you'd like to do.

The first time I was on the site, I will admit I was a bit lost. I had to download additional papers and embellishments before I could get started. I started with some of the free features, and then quite honestly, got frustrated and went to bed. I don't do well with new technical processes, at all. I know, shocking.

The next day, I tried again and had a much better experience. Not only can I edit photos, I can remove red eye, frame, highlight, shadow box, and overlay each picture exactly the way I'd like. I can add text, choose from tons of fonts and colors, and even curve the shape of it. Tonight I decided to get a little creative and do a "before" page of the Boy Cave...

Now here's a great part. I can print it on my computer or download it to their print shop and have the entire album sent to me in a book. So, if I was the type of girl who actually paid attention to the amount of ink in her printer cartridge, and stocked good paper within it, I could print my own pages and just pop them in a book. I am not that kind of girl. So I just saved it to my hard drive.

(Yes, I know I can do better.
I've only been playing with it for a few hours.)

Now, upon further investigation, this software also has the capabilities of playing music, creating multi-media DVDs and even send it directly to an iPod for scrap booking on the go. I have yet to delve into this feature, but I suspect I will not be disappointed.

And here's the best part.... they gave me a coupon code to pass along. It gives you a $10 discount on software and and additional $10 to spend on establishments! Simply use this coupon code.... STMMMS59533 at checkout.

Want a better deal?

ONE of my Pen Pals can get a copy of the entire software for FREE!

Just visit My Memories, pick your favorite layout or paper pack, and leave your choice in a comment below. On February 14th I'll randomly pick one of you to share the love with!

Of course, you can still comment, even if you're not up for the giveaway.

Mama loves her comment love.

PS... Please check here to see if you have the system requirements necessary to support the software. I'd hate to blow up your computer, on Valentine's Day no less.

Monday Moment...

2012-01-30T20:49:00.000-05:00

So....

How's your Monday going?

Diet Coke And ADHD...

2012-01-29T08:09:00.000-05:00

Saturday

7am: Drag butt out of bed. Stumble to fridge and down what's left of the 2 liter of Diet Coke in an attempt to cut through the nastiness of swollen guck and post nasal drip that has taken over your head over the last two days. Suddenly start to feel better.

Shower, dress, wrap birthday present for Oldest's friend's birthday party later. Leave sticky note on to of gift with turn by turn direction for Tony for when and where he needs to take him today. Have Tony read directions back to you, while mocking your morning handwriting. Assess how important his help is for the day, and allow him to live. For now...

Load up the car with three weeks worth of trash. Leave for work, but not before Tony hands you a packet to be mailed. Drive to the transfer station, unload three weeks of trash from the car.

Drive to branch Post Office, surprise your friend by opening the back door of the building before she's open. Convince her that you're not a crazed stamp thief, sit down and catch up. Realize that you've forgotten your checkbook and will have to wait until her window is open to mail your item. Sit back down and gossip until she officially opens for the day.

Go to work. Down another Diet Coke. Cram 8.5 hour day into 5.25 hours.

Drive home. Load car with 378 pounds of kitchen renovation crap. Drive to the other transfer station. Unload 378 pounds of tile, drywall, and insulation. Polish off another 8 ounces of Diet Coke.

Drive to birthday party. Pick up Oldest.

Drive to Walmart. Make list before you go in and brave the masses. While inside, ask Oldest several times what's on the list to stay focused. Thank God that Oldest can read. Wait 30 minutes in line and decide while there, that most of your impulse buys are not necessary. Have Oldest return them all over the store while you wait in line. While paying, grab Cracker Jacks and another Diet Coke.

Return to car. Notice you forgot the return that's been sitting the the car for two weeks. Decide it can wait for another day. Become completely disappointed by the lack of quality in the prize in the Cracker Jack Box. Drink another Diet Coke.

Drive to Craft Store. Pick up pirate paint for mustaches for tomorrow's birthday party.

Drive home. On the drive home realize you forgot the return for the craft store, also sitting in the car for the last two weeks.

Arrive home. Sit down at the sewing machine. Create this...

From a rolled up weeding dress, tossed in an attic 10 years ago. Stick yourself several times with pins. Swear under breath.

Make dinner. Notify Tony that there will be no meat balls with the spaghetti. Take note of his sad face as he opts for tuna.

Iron Christening gown. Decide to make bonnet to match.

Curse some more. Stab yourself several more times.

Convince Oldest he should pick some chore chips since he is bored out of his mind. Stand back and revel in the fact that he did a better job than you would have at most of the tasks he chose.

Put kids to bed. Quickly rid house from the seqins and teeny tiny pearls that have now taken over every surface. Decide to clean kitchen. Get distracted by smell in fridge. Clean out fridge. Notice the countertops, get out the cleaner. Notice how dirty the oven is. Clean oven. Notice the filth that has taken up residence in microwave, and clean that too.

Seriously rethink having this much Diet Coke in one day. Switch to Caffeene free, and pour yourself a glass.

Put away the bags of stuff you bought at Walmart.

Suddenly remember that a year ago a friend of a friend asked you to design some tattoos for her. Sit down and draw them out.

One of nine designs.

Tuck them away to bring to work later in the week. In a place you'll definitely remember.

1am.... Go to bed. Sleep for 6 hours. Wake up. Swear off Diet Coke for life.

Turn on computer for the first time in two days.

Clean out 47 emails. Wonder how on Earth these companies got your email address anyway.

Rely on the residual Diet Coke still coursing through your veins, and pray it gives you just enough energy to make it through Sunday.

Then remember that you're painting pitrate mustaches on the faces of 18 six year olds today.

Stumble to the fridge and get another Diet Coke.

Truth Is Thursday...

2012-01-26T06:39:00.001-05:00

Truth is... I can not be the only mother who wants a divider for the back seat of the car to come standard with every new and used car purchase. Seriously, a fist and poking finger proof piece of unbreakable plastic that would run down the middle of the backseat, thus providing an impermeable barrier between two fighting children. The other day I was about to pull over and ~~completely lose it~~ give them a talking to, when I heard this...

Oldest: "Jolly Ranchers are the best candy ever!
Youngest: "No. They're terrible"
Oldest: "They are the best candy ever! And they are even better than you!!!"
Youngest: "Well, of course! I taste terrible...."

Yeah, I lost it alright.... in laughter.

Truth is... Youngest's medication seems to be working, yet we are still in the early stages. I am also making a concerted effort to get him to bed earlier, and he seems to be getting 10 to 11 hours of sleep a night. I suspect that this will help considerably.

Truth is... as fast as the snow came it was gone. 50 degrees and rainy seems to have eliminated all but the small mounds in parking lots that the plows have left. So far this is my kind of winter.

Truth is... I am really behind the eight ball. So much so that I think I'm playing an entirely different game.

Truth is... I have made the appointment for the taxes, but can't find any of the paperwork I need. Why??? Because I can't physically get into the office. It's like a hoarders episode in there, and sadly there's nothing I can do about it. 90% of it is Tony's and remarkably it's all organized as per his system. *sigh*

Truth is... I can't afford my own taste. Seems the tile I want, the really nice stuff that looks like wood, is $17 a square foot. Looks like we're going with option #2, a tile foyer and hardwoods throughout the rest of the kitchen.

Truth is... I really need to get into the hallway by the stairs and organize. Once that's done, I can start putting things back together.

Truth is... this whole unorganized thing is killing me slowly. It really is.

Truth is... It's your turn!

Youngest's Biological Tornado...

2012-01-24T00:22:00.000-05:00

(Image from here)

My journey with Youngest has thus far been a crazy one, much like the tornado pictured above. It's been fraught with many tears, much chocolate, and several mini nervous breakdowns on both of our behalves. He is quite simply, not a cookie cutter child. He doesn't conform to the norm, doesn't just grow out of things, and is wise beyond his years. He is creative genius in a 51 inch shell, a 67 pound human calculator, and somewhere within his noggin resides the cure for cancer, I'm sure of it.

He internalizes everything, every action and consequence requires much deep thought. Unless of course it is an impulse, then there is no thought involved. He just does it, 0 to 60 in half a heartbeat. And it is these irrational impulsive actions that have caused him the most trouble, and me the most heartache.

This year has been exceptional. I credit his teacher and the school system greatly in this transition. We have instituted a small classroom size for him, a teacher who has a special education background, and flexible scheduling that really aids in his success. Even the loss of his father seemed to not create a speed bump on his new found path way.

Until this week.

He has had two incidents at school, both of which ended in him briefly leaving the building. While this has happened in years past, the incidents were markedly different and were evidenced my little or no precursor what so ever. In one case, he wasn't even in trouble and had done nothing wrong. In discussing this with his doctor, she's convinced he's experiencing trauma induced adrenaline, which in turn is creating panic attacks. These are most common after some traumatic event, and often show up 6 weeks after, often without warning. Given his age, she insists he may not even know that these panic attacks are from the stress of losing his father. In fact, he may not even have an issue with the death of his father, but biologically he is reacting. This would also be consistent with the extreme fatigue that has hit him (and me) like a freight train.

Fan-freakin'-tastic.

So, we've decided to increase his medication to see if it helps him through this time. While his current medication is not typically for anxiety, it has helped him with his impulsiveness in the past. I'm not thrilled with increasing his medications, I just don't see a way through this otherwise, since he isn't even consciously aware he is having an issue, and therefore can't vocalize it. And, an adjustment of his existing medication would be a logical pathway for treatment if it is in fact a biological reaction, or the added adrenaline causing him to burn through his normal dose faster.

Tomorrow, I get to unfurl all of this to the school. It is most important, according to the doctor, is to not punish him for his panic attacks.

Which will be really hard to get them on board with, since he's already been suspended out of school last week, and in-school suspended today and tomorrow.

Seems the storm that had past, has come back around.

Monday Minutes...

2012-01-23T00:01:00.001-05:00

It's Monday, and as you all can see, I have survived Saturday's trek through the wilderness with all my digits in tact. In true cub scout fashion, we were all well prepared with several changes of clothes, various sizes of hand warmers, and a roll of quarters for the hot chocolate and coffee they were selling at the dining hall. In fact, the only really bad part of being 12 miles deep into the State Forest during the first real snow of the season, was getting out of the forest in a front two wheel drive station wagon. And, while there were several white knuckle moments, I am happy to report that the 14 mile, 2 hour drive, home was without incident.

Chinese New Year was great as always. Mom really out did herself this year on the decorations, and the Chinese food was very good. This restaurant doesn't add MSG to it's food, so the majority of it (rice, meats, veggies, etc.) is gluten free. However, they do have some items that are totally GF and their take out is carefully labeled on the outside of the box. Great, right? Except one of the GF labeled boxes contained noodles, which I presumed to be rice noodles. Wrong. Needless to say, I'm not feeling so hot today. All and all though, the food was great and I would eat there again, sticking to rice and meats only.

Now, on to the really important stuff.

I have finally made it to the big time!

LOOK --------------------------------------------->

Yup. I am now Fishducky approved! I can not tell you how excited I am! Fishducky is a fantastic commenter on several blogs that I follow. She is so fantastic, that Melynda decided she needed her very own blog, and MADE her one! You can visit it here....

Thank you so much Fishducky, I love it!

These may be my new favorite food. Yes, move over Cadbury eggs, these chocolate covered orange jelly beans are my new favorite Easter candy. I know! I can't believe it myself! I would have inserted a photo for you all but Jelly Belly hates me and won't allow me to pirate the picture.

Besides, it may cause mass cravings.

The paint is on the walls!

That would be Youngest working on his blog among the primed walls. This is the view from the stairway looking up into the room. Saturday, while I was walking in a winter wonderland, Tony took the liberty of painting the actual color....

It's Benjamin Moore Shaker Gray. And trust me when I tell you, the photo doesn't do it justice. Just ignore the hideous boob light on the ceiling. Originally we were going to do recessed throughout, but then I thought a pendant would be nice for over the table. Deciding on a pendant has been much harder than I thought, so my $6 solution was this for now. There's still one more coat of paint to go, and then we're on to the floor.

I wanted the look of wood, with the wear of tile, so this is what I found on the internet...

Beautiful right? Yes, now let's see if it has a beautiful price tag. The hunt begins....

I finally finished reading The Golden Sky and I must say it was wonderful. Elisa did such a fabulous job with editing and publishing, that I felt like I was not reading a novel, but rather talking with an old friend. So many times I wished I could have just called her up and asked her stuff, or highlighted it and said "Yes, I totally get this!". And, I must say, Elisa, if those are your children's real names, I think I love them even more!

On a final note, the Patriots are going to the Superbowl.

The boys were so excited that when Oldest jumped up in excitement and held out his hands, Youngest replied "Awe, what the hell..." and hugged him back. Since there was hugging involved I'm letting the language slide on this one.

I will say however, that I could care less about the Superbowl. I have no care who's in, who's out, yardage or pregame rituals.

I do care about the food though.

The chili.

The homemade tortilla chips.

The 7 layer dips.

The chowder.

Good Lord, the chowder.

Let the game begin.

Hello, Winter....

2012-01-21T22:16:00.000-05:00

Hello handsome man shoveling the driveway...

Winter has definitely arrived.

Just in time for me to really miss my all wheel drive car.

Klondike. It's Not Just Ice Cream...

2012-01-20T07:04:00.000-05:00

Who knew?

Evidently, Klondike is a cub scout event day, in which cub scouts showcase their abilities as an outdoors man. Youngest has his Klondike this weekend. In preparation, the den master decided to do a practice run at his house this past Monday.

In the 35 degree weather.

For four hours.

The practice was to give the kids a run through of what is expected, and to ensure that all the supplies ~~that we didn't have~~ were on the sled.

There are a number of stations, everything from fire building, campsite set up, to cooking. There is also knot tying and citizenship. During the citizenship unit, they are asked questions about the flag, and our government. Random questions like...

Den Master: "Who is the president?"
Scout: "Obama"
DM: "Who is looking to run against the president?"
Random Scouts: "Romney, Newt, Ron Paul"
DM: "Who's the front runner right now?"
Youngest: "Mitt Romney"
DM: "If something happens to the president, who's in charge?"
Scout: "The vice president"
DM: "If something happens to the Vice President, then who's in charge?"
Scouts: "The Governor? The Army? "
DM: "No. Guys it's the Speaker of the House"
DM: "Okay, and who is that?"
Scout: "My Mom"

Laughter erupts.

DM: "We need a den name and flag."
Scout: "The Purple Tacos!"
DM: "Really?"
Scout: "Yes!!!"
DM: "No. Come on, last year you guys made me go the whole day as the Pink Sparkly Flamingos."
Scout: "The Pats."
Scout: "The Pink Turtles"
Scout: "The Flying Guppies!"
DM: "How about something like the Rattlesnakes?"
Scout: "The FLAMING Rattlesnakes!!!!"

The rest of the day went along in this fashion until we could no longer feel our finger tips. In the end, I was assigned to getting sand for the fire building station, along with all the food for the cooking unit (as it is my son with the allergies) and somewhere along the lines I volunteered to fix the American flag that they were going to use, as well as create the den flag.

It's not my best work, but all things considered (like four days notice) it will do.

Especially because it's supposed to be 36 degrees and rainy all day.

Perhaps we should have gone with the Soggy Rattlesnakes.

Truth Is Thursday...

2012-01-19T03:03:00.001-05:00

Truth is... I have way too much going on, so you're all basically on your own this week.

Truth is... we have drywall up in the sun room! The room feels warmer already.

Truth is... I will be standing outside in the 15 degree winter wonderland for 8 hours on Saturday.

Truth is... Our family celebrates Chinese New Year and will be chowing down on Chinese on Sunday, since my mom found a place that has gluten free Chinese food. Yeah!

Truth is... I have just about had it with the disorganized mess in the house.

Truth is... I bought the boys new beds. They are being delivered this weekend. They are SO excited.

Truth is... I gotta go.... fell free to link up with your own Truths!

Just A Simple Machine...

2012-01-17T00:22:00.002-05:00

Simple machines.

They are, well, simple concepts that allow you to do something easier. Examples include, a lever, an inclined plane, pulleys, a screw, a latch. The list goes on, but you get the point. Every year the fourth grade has to invent a simple machine, write a few paragraphs about it, and construct the machine for class. If you were really lucky you also got to do this in third grade. Oldest was one of those lucky kids. So, I had the joy of finding out that his project ~~that he had three weeks to work on~~ was due within two days of my first hearing about it, not once, but twice.

My memory escapes me as to what his third grade project was, but his fourth grade one utilized a lever to launch a marble to a target which would then catch it, deposit it into a marble run which lead down to an inclined plane. The marble would travel down the plane an land direct contact to a row of precisely laid out Dominos, knocking them all down. And, yes, he invented and completed this entire project in two days.

Youngest was not one of the lucky ones who got the practice run in third grade. So, when the paperwork came home for his simple machine ~~we decided to get right on it~~, it was put in a very predominant place, and I ~~conveniently~~ forgot all about it.

Until this weekend.

I asked him what he wanted to do, and he decided a catapult would be a good option for him. It utilized a lever, and a spring. Plus if we used wood and screwed the pieces together, he could count that as his second simple machine within the project. Okay then....

Awesome.

Then, I ~~had to open my big fat mouth and~~ asked him what he wanted to catapult. He thought for a minute, and then answered M&Ms. Fabulous. But what would you shoot them at?

We entertained shooting them at classmates across the room, seeing who could catch them in their mouths.

He suggested shooting them at the classmates he didn't like.

I suggested shooting them at the wall and calling it "art."

Then he decided on something better.

He'd need a funnel...

...in which to catch the M&M. When properly placed apart from the catapult, it caught the M&M perfectly, but didn't deposit it into his desired targeted area. So, he made a catcher's mitt from some sunflower cardboard we had laying around...

And to ensure maximum catching ability, we had to mount it to a base....

...with enough sitting room in the back for a small child. Ignore the background mess, our creative genius is messy. Behold! The first ever M&M launching, funnel driven, Hoodsie ice cream cup decorator. You simply place the Hoodsie under the funnel, and start launching your M&M's. When you have achieved the optimal M&M to ice cream ratio, you simply pull out the cup and enjoy.

So there ya have it.

Youngest's latest invention.

It takes up 6 feet of the living room to decorate a three inch ice cream cup.

And until he has to pass it in, he's launching Rolos at his brother.

I swear, it was supposed to be simple.

Just Another Sunday...

2012-01-15T19:12:00.000-05:00

Me: "Good Morning." (opens door)
Dad: "You have cobwebs on your boob."

Well, that's what you get when you show up on my doorstep at 9 Am on a Sunday morning. While he did call and relay that he would be over in about an hour, I had already been army crawling through the attic, trudging through 50 year old fiberglass insulation, dirt, dust, shingle debris and other unmentionable small black debris, that we will just continue to call more shingle debris, okay? To be honest, I'm surprised that a cobweb was all that was on my shirt.

Yes, by nine I had been shimming myself over exhaust venting, balancing between ceiling joists to fetch the wiring for the ceiling light over the basement stairs. One would assume that this would have been an easy assignment, especially when one considers that the ceiling is now missing from the entire sun room, and I have removed the wall that once stood between that lighting fixture and the stairs. But no. The wires had been expertly run through three two by fours just opposite the massive roof joist now standing in my way. So, into the attic I went, and using my expert skills, fashioned a hook like tool to retrieve the wires from spaces that only David Blaine could return from. Only after of course, I had ~~switched off every frickin' breaker in the~~ ~~entire house~~ located the proper breaker and switched it into the off position. Because as we all know, it's not proper to electrocute oneself until after you've had your fill of morning hot cocoa.

Dad measured out the room for the drywall guy's arrival tomorrow. Mom chatted with Tony, and I picked Dad's brain for random pieces of expert advice.

Me: "Can I just sink that box into the wall?"
Dad: "Is it live?"
Me: "I'm thinking no. It was for the electric heat I pulled out 7 years ago. I'm thinking I had Pat use the breaker for the dryer."
Dad: "So it's 220 volts?"
Me: "Yeah. But I don't think it's live."
Dad: "You got a tester?"
Me: "No."
Dad: "You should get one." *pause* "Before you do any more electrical work."

Me: "We're putting in a recessed light there."
Dad: "Okay. You need to do that before the drywall."
Me: "Yes, I'm doing that today."
Dad: "Get one that's rated for insulation."
Me: "Okay."
Dad: "Then turn all your outlets like this.... so he can get around them with the drywall."
Me: "Okay."
Dad: "And you'll have to take down the chandelier..."

There was more discussion of bench seating and a wall of cabinets, at which point Tony and my Mom started giggling like school kids from some private joke. Seems Tony thinks I have twelve ~~delusions of grandeur~~ ideas floating through my head ~~he's totally correct~~ and that maybe two ~~not one~~ of them is going to get done.

Well, I got news for ya buddy. Game on.

The rest of my day was spent finishing Dad's punch list, doing laundry, and mindlessly watching TV in the bedroom, while Tony ~~waited for me to~~ ~~electrocute myself~~ watched the game in the living room and dove head first into some much overdue Ebay listing.

And, just so you know, the 220 wires were not live.

And No. I didn't electrocute myself.

Not even once.

UGH...

2012-01-13T21:06:00.000-05:00

So many nuggets of useless information and no ambition to write.

I decided to read and blogger will only open some blogs and not others.

The ones it will open, it will not allow me to comment. It's just so...

UGH!

So, until I can unleash all that is unholy upon Google's evil minions, I will share that I had my first Cadbury sighting today...

Behold! The mini eggs.

Rest assured I've been informed that the cream eggs are not far behind.

Which is fantastic, because if I can't make peace with Google, I'm gonna need a ton of chocolate therapy.

Truth Is Thursday...

2012-01-12T00:01:00.000-05:00

Truth is... I'm feeling much better, thanks. Seems to have been a combination of the stomach bug, hormones, and maybe a rogue chicken bone. <---The verdict's still out on that though.

Truth is.... The boys' basketball teams played against each other on Tuesday night. It was a really close game, but in the end Youngest and his team pulled it out to win by 5. As if it wasn't hard enough to deal with the winning/losing aspect, the ex-sister in law came to watch. Which, honestly is fine by me as long as she's not prying at the band aid. Fine, but weird, since she's never paid them any attention before all this.

Truth is... I asked Oldest if he was okay with her being there and he said, "Yeah, but I wish she'd stop kissing me."

Truth is... I blew off the whole day Yesterday and did stupid stuff. I checked out furniture at Lazy Boy, dropped off the ex husband's DVD collection at Savers, picked out paint chips for the sun room, and bought this for myself...

I have no idea why I wanted it, but it makes me happy. And, I had a Coldwater Creek gift card so it cost me nothing. And neither did the fabulous sweater I bought with the rest of the gift card.

Truth is... I later got ambitious around 3:30 and finished laying the floor in the boy's rooms. It's coming along, honest. A picture post is coming...

Truth is... I put an old carpet in the sun room until we can get to the floors, and remarkably it has drastically cut down on the odd smells. Maybe it's the floor adhesive?

Truth is.. Youngest's head basketball coach's wife is in the hospital. This means that his adorible blond haired, blue eyed 2 year old daughter is up for grabs during the games. We can be found clapping from the sidelines, dancing for the team, and playing with our feet since our shoes are on backwards. I think next week, I'm getting us pom-poms.

Truth is... It's been a pretty uneventful week. And now it's your turn to share.... write a post and link up!

Trying Not To Be Completely Insensitive...

2012-01-10T18:59:00.002-05:00

The boys things arrived the other day from their father's house. I knew if I waited long enough and made no contact with the family eventually she'd get sick of having it at her house and drop it off. And, I love being right. She showed up with the items while I was working and proceeded to unload a giant bag full of stuff along with a ginormous box whilst Tony watched from the doorway.

"See? boys, remember this... and these shirts are so you can sleep in them... and then you can get your hair cut with the same clippers that your Dad used to use..."

She started to go on, and Tony stepped in to remind her that I'd go through it all later with them when I got home. And I did, once the box and bag got a thorough airing out, since smoking two packs a day can make anything smell horrendous. Now, their father has been homeless several times, and the boys possessions have been dumped on my doorstep on at least 3 other occasions. Along with their things, I have also ended up with quite a bit of his things we had no need for, and then later had to get rid of. I was under no delusions that the boys would have much at their Dad's house. He only saw them for limited amounts of time, and mostly at his girl friend's home. But, I was specific in that they were only to get their things, and possibly a few hats to remember him by, as they have their memories and that was all they needed. Not the stuff.

So, when I opened the rather large box, I was not surprised to find things like the X-box, helicopers, and Youngest's homemade tomahawk. And, yet I was still surprised to find things amongst the treasures that the family thought was theirs and hugely important to them.

I give you exhibit A...

Kponk. Okay I get this, as it's marketed for kids, but it's basically beer pong. Along with six cups from 7/11.

The lid from a bucket of soldiers. No soldiers, mind you, just the lid.

His clippers. Now let me just say, I have two pairs of clippers that I will use for emergency haircuts. But truthfully, it is rare that I use the clippers on the boys anymore. And, I feel the need to mention here that their father was bald, so I have no idea where he used these clippers and won't be putting them any where near the boys heads. Thankyouverymuch.

There were also two bright orange shirts that, while I think unnecessary, the comfort idea behind them was sort of nice. I had planned to wash them up and tuck them away in case the boys ever did want them. Until I noticed they were covered in a mold like substance. Good times. There were also 6 flashlights, none of them working.

Then there was his selections of kid friendly movies. Admittedly, when I saw Choke, I actually thought they had packed up his porn for me. *sigh* Ironically, the only kid friendly movie he had was Scooby Doo and The Witch's Ghost, which was mine. I was wondering where that had gone off to. Lest not forget the rap Cd's with the rating of 17+ and the install disk for Black Magic car tinting. The man did not even have a license, let alone a car.

And then there was this...

The head.

She made a big deal out of it apparently, but when I asked the boys about it, they said that it wasn't even their father's. It was the roommates head, and they have no idea why it came here.

Lord help me.

Laugh with me people.

It's a frickin' head.

S.S.D.D....

2012-01-09T09:18:00.000-05:00

Same.

Slippers.

Different.

Day.

I'm home sick today.

I had sharp pains in my abdomen that started around 9 last night and continued into the morning. I was going to ~~stop being a baby and suck it up~~ be a trooper and go into work, but Tony called me in ~~as soon as I mentioned it to him~~ before I could fight with him about it. And, truthfully, I didn't ~~care~~ have the energy to stop him.

I'm holding down food fine, just not holding on to it long. The nose won't stop running, and I am exhausted, falling asleep at the drop of the eyelids. And I have a headache that just won't quit.

So, yeah. Good times.

Should probably go to the doctor, but ~~who am I kidding?~~ know I won't make the 45 minute drive to the office ~~without 6 potty breaks in between~~.

In driving the boys the one mile to school this morning, Youngest asked ~~after fighting with me most of the~~ ~~morning~~ if he could play hooky..

Um, no.

Today is all mine kid.

Sunday Snapshot...

2012-01-08T18:07:00.000-05:00

It's Sunday.

My day of rest.

The day I should be wearing these all day....

Otherwise known as my "mama bear" slippers.

But no.

We spent the day doing demo, abolishing mold...

and moving electrical outlets while removing walls...

and questioning my sanity.

Next weekend is the ceiling and recessed lighting.

Lord help us all.

I've Won The Lottery...

2012-01-06T00:38:00.002-05:00

Before having children, most people have an idea of how things will be. Unless you're completely clueless, you realize that there will be tough times, seemingly endless nights rocking colicky infants, a never ending surplus of moneys going out with not enough in on return, and then later... the teen years. And while the downside is there, we all hope that the good outweighs the bad, and we jump in with both feet, stumbling as we go, hair tousled, wardrobe in shambles, and often lose a shoe along with our minds.

Soon enough, that bundle is placed in our arms, weather it be by birth or choice, and they are all ours. Ours to teach, to mentor, to guide into the craziness of our world here on Earth. On many a night I sat, rocking my colicky infants, and in those brief moments of reprieve, I would dream.

I do not know if their father dreamt for them, but I imagine he did. He was big on dreaming, just not on follow through. None the less, I would sit and rock, looking at their beautiful faces, counting their freckles. I would dream of them knowing a life of security. Of making their home a safe haven. I dreamt they would know genuine love. I dreamed of the day I could fix their problems, like crooked teeth or nearsightedness, and guide them through the ones I couldn't, like broken hearts, and algebra. In my bigger dreams I would be able to get them a solid and safe used car when they turned 16, take them on trips to see the world, and help them pay for college.

And then they grew and life happened.

My dreams crashed around me. Supporting them alone meant that I could only have smaller dreams for them, food, shelter, clothes, and love. In knowing my children, you can clearly see that they have wanted for little their whole lives. In saying "no" they have learned the value of a dollar and responsibility. But still, I have always wished and dreamed for the ability to give them just that little bit more.

A few days ago, my dreams were renewed.

The boys will live the rest of their lives without their father, that I can not change. But they will no longer live without is the dreams I had for them, both small and big. When I opened my mailbox and tore open the letter containing their expected survivor benefits, I cried. It was as if that small envelope held all my lost dreams for them.

Braces for Oldest.

Youngest's extensive dental work.

A used car for each when they turn 16.

Four years of college for both of them.

The possibility of living somewhere that they could have their own rooms.

Funds for Karate, basketball, hockey, or whatever.

Lessons to scuba dive.... in Hawaii or Australia.

Learning Greek mythology in Greece.

In truth, I never really gave up these dreams. Where I have a will, there is always a way, and I would have stopped at nothing to ensure they have every opportunity they ever wanted. But knowing that I no longer have to worry about where their sneakers would come from, new winter coats, or spending a week away from home is beyond words.

Like winning the lottery.

Truth Is Thursday...

2012-01-05T03:45:00.001-05:00

Truth is... Oldest had his best basketball game ever on Tuesday. It went back and forth, I only had to scream "DEFENSE!!! GET YOUR HANDS UP" twice, and it went into overtime. In the end they lost, 23 to 26, but my boy played his best game ever scoring 18 of the 23 points for his team.

Truth is... I'm becoming THAT mom. You know, the one who thinks she can yell from the sidelines and the kids can hear her? Yeah. That one.

Truth is.... Tony missed the game. Which was okay, since this is the only game that will be broadcast on public access television. Oldest is really excited because now Tony can critique him and telling where he needs to "step up his game".

Truth is... I broke down and bought my favorite facial mask the other night. And despite my warnings, Tony came around the corner and about had a heart attack. Seems he has no love for mimes or clowns. :0)

Truth is... I got the payment amounts from social security on Tuesday. I cried. Never again will I have to worry about the financial means to raise them. Worrying about everything else though, is still on the table.

Truth is... my sun room is now in shambles. There was a lot more water damage than expected. All the drywall is out, the walls have been re-insulated (except what still needs to dry out) and the only thing left to go is the ceiling. We've ripped up half of the floor down to the plywood sub floor, and there is the unmistakable smell of hundred year old wood. So yeah, the kids can't have friends over for a while.

Truth is... I was asked to turn another wedding dress into a christening gown. We meet on Sunday to go over the specs for what she wants. I am really excited.

Truth is... On Monday night I was awoken by the sound of a gasping animal laughter and a snorting pig. Really. It sounded like a hyena and a wild boar running by the bedroom window. Then it really freaked me out when the creature set off the backyard motion sensor lights. Best guess was a coyote, but for a brief moment it was like I was in the middle of the Lion King, broadway style.

Truth is... I think that's enough for me this week. You're turn!

Dear Bonus Brother...

2012-01-03T22:17:00.002-05:00

Sometimes I write things and wait to publish them to ensure that I don't cause chaos amongst the ranks. This is one of those posts. I wrote this when he had spent a week with us, the night before he was going home. I know this may be tough for Tony to read, so my advice is for him to skip this one. But, it has been brewing in my noggin for some time now, and I just felt it needed out.

Dear Bonus Brother,

The other night we were driving to pick up Youngest and we were discussing the hazards of technology. More specifically, we were discussing how I felt it was important to "detox" the boys once a month or so, tucking away all gadgets and techno-whats-its for a few days and finding other ways to occupy their time. Your response was "You want them to be less like me." We talked some more, and I know you thought nothing more about the conversation afterwards, but I did. Because in all honesty, if the either of the boys turn out like you, I'd be proud.

You are strong in your opinions, pressured by no one. You know exactly where you don't want your life to end up, and stay far away from stupid choices for fear of that happening. You are smart, witty, and full of information I never knew I needed. You don't smoke, won't try drugs, and have never even had a sip of beer. You don't talk back and I know that treat girls with respect. While it is true that I insist on a balance for the boys of real and virtual worlds, had I had any hand in raising you, I would have insisted on this for you as well. Because all the things I wish for them, I wish for you as well. I could not love you more if you were formed from my own genes, and am often frustrated that because you are not, I am left without having any say in what happens to you and the choices you make.

In reality, none of us do. Not your Dad, not your Mom, just you. And although you see our eyes roll at some of your choices, or it seems we can't relate, I assure you that this is not the case. We were all 17 once too, some would say you father hasn't matured much since, and while I can not speak for them, I can speak for myself.

See darlin', the world owes you nothing. Nothing is handed to you on a plate, silver or otherwise. People will not be nice to you simply because you are nice to them. In fact, many more people will take advantage of your niceness. Life isn't fair. Fair is that everyone gets what they need, and if you're not insisting on getting that for yourself, no one's going to do it for you. The adult world will not cut your pancakes for you. Most likely it will insist you drive to the store, buy the pancake batter, cook the pancakes, find a plate and utensils, and then make you eat them cold. Its just the way it is. It's can be a cold and lonely place, filled with epic failures and much disappointment. It is scary to become an adult. Really, really scary.

Secretly, I think you know this already. Not unlike most teenagers today, you spend so much time in your virtual world, a world where you can be as powerful and unyielding as you want. It is a world free of responsibility, consequence, and disappointment. And, at the end of the game, you can just hit reset and start it all over again. Every morning you sat next to me in the car, head buried in your 3DS, avoiding most everything around you.

While you sit texting through the entire Celtics or Red Sox game, the game plays on, and you miss it. While you play online with your virtual friends, the world called and didn't leave a message. Your focus is so narrow to what you know you like, I fear you may never know what you might like. You've missed your junior prom, because it just wasn't your thing. You've turned down vacations because it may take you from this virtual world, not realizing that by staying home to be connected, you are disconnected from the world right in front of you. Sometimes I think your ideal job would be involve video games with cartoon co-workers. And, the only school you are truly interested in is the one your friends have picked for themselves, thus making it the easy choice for you.

Now, please hear me when I say while the world will give you nothing, you have the opportunity to take anything from it. Anything. Life comes with a wealth of information, an over abundance of experience, and opportunities to make new choices and have fantastic adventures. Learn from all of it, even if all you learn is how to to leave those new things behind. Do not sit in the back of the class, hoping that you will get something from it. March up to the front, or even the middle row, and tell them what you need and demand all that class has to offer. Make your own pancakes, serve them with exotic flavored syrups, whipped cream and a cherry. Eat them with your fingers if you'd like. Do not worry who may be watching you, as most of them are just jealous that they didn't think of doing it first. Mistakes do not define you, they just tell you who you're not, and when we limit ourselves to only who we think we are, we can completely lose sight of all we can be.

I have watched how you've learned to navigate the rooftops or medieval terrain of every game you play. You know where all the secrets are hidden, where all the extra points are stored, and how to use every advantage in the game. But, honey, there is no reset in the real world, no replay, no extra lives.

This is it.

You only get one.

And, it's happening right now.

Not two seconds from now,

not two minutes ago,

NOW.

I meant what I said before when I started this ramble. I am proud to be part of your life. The positive experiences you have brought to our lives is beyond measure, and the spin that you bring is better than any amusement ride. There are so many things ahead of you, and part of me is envious that you get this amazing chance, as I've missed so many of mine.

But, it's still there for you. All for your taking.

So do it.

Take the real world, use it up, toss it aside and demand some more. It's the only one you get.

Go.

Go now.

But not before you take your laundry out of the dryer. Your mother will kill me if I send you home with no clothes.

Love,

Your evil Step-Mother

An Extra Day Of (Pinte)Rest...

2012-01-02T19:28:00.001-05:00

Pinterest.

You know the site, right?

It's become the biggest time suck of my nights. So much so, that I have had to ration my scrolling to only when I have finished the projects I have already pinned. Because to be honest, when someone hands me a $4,700 dollar check and says I have two years to rip apart our sun room and make it exactly the way I've always wanted, well, the creativity in me explodes.

And, it's messy my friends. Very messy.

Because remodeling the sun room means that I can rewire the ceiling lights and get rid of the chandelier. It means I can finally have the "window" between the sun room and the kitchen. It means more precious cabinet space and.... New floors! Which of course leads to new floors in the kitchen, that of course tie into the living room. And then, since I'm ripping out the floors in the living room as well, I might as well get new couches, and that salt water fish tank I've wanted for an eternity.

You see where this is going right?

*cough* Bankruptcy.

Anyway, to reel me back in, ~~and to not blow the whole check in 45 minutes~~, I curbed my creative guts into smaller projects I found on pinterest.

Like these rainbow cakes that I made for Oldest's classroom. Or...

using bread tags to label my cords. Don't enlarge this, you'll spare yourself the goriness of the killer dust bunnies multipling on the cords in the back. Then, I tried to get all festive with the valances in the living room...

After 6 hours of sewing and measuring ribbon I was seriously rethinking this idea. None the less, I loved the way they came out. Then I decided to corral the Christmas cards with this idea from here...

(Not my house, see referenced site above)

I also used an idea for Christmas clean up as well...

I have to say, this was so simple I can't believe I never thought of it. I even had everything at the house already. Plastic cups in a red tote separated by cardboard. Place an ornament in each one, nothing gets broken, and it's easy to find every ornament next year. Genius!

I've tried my hand at photos on canvas, and this little project....

will adorn my walls somewhere, I'm just not sure where. (I'm also sorry, I have no idea how to link this picture back to it's original source) When I finally run out of laundry detergent, I will be trying this recipe. No worries, I'll be sure to report back and let you all know how it worked out.

Also on the list is revamping the basement stairs in brown paper. Only problem I will have is figuring how we will apply the 12 coats of poly without losing a child in the process.

So, since I was down to only two projects left, and I had Monday off, I decided it was time for a bit of rest.

PinteRest.

Wait until you see what I have planned for the sunroom!

2012...

2012-01-01T08:24:00.000-05:00

2011 was sent out with Oldest and I hanging on the couch. Tony was in the bedroom, just resting his eyes, while snoring loudly. Youngest went to a friend's house for his first sleep over ever, and the peace and quiet this morning is so nice, part of me doesn't want to go get him. Bonus Brother was safely returned back to his Mom's house, before making a hasty exit to a New Year's party.

The Christmas decorations are almost away. We still have the tree to go, which will get done at some point today. I write that more for accountability. I find that if I publicly announce it, it actually will happen. I have changed some things on the blog, feeling that daisies weren't so appropriate for January in New England. I went with the wood planks because of all the remodeling we have yet to do this year. Yippee!

Did you know that while the politicians were debating weather or not tomato paste was a vegetable, they think they many have found a cure for AIDS? No? Me neither. Good to see that the media is keeping us up to date on what's really important.

My New Year's resolution this year has country wide impact. I have decided to start checking the labels on what I buy and opt for products Made In The USA when I can. (No worries my Canadian pen pals, my GF food will still be coming from Montreal, as we still have no idea how to manufacture a good pretzel.) But things like soap, plates, towels, etc. where I have the option to buy American, I will do so. And yes, this includes the car I will likely have to buy since the old girl did not pass inspection on Friday.

Consider it my part of growing the economy and creating jobs. Are you in?

Today's plans are to furniture look.

It's like furniture shopping but with no money.

Course, hanging out in my pajama is looking good too.

Happy January!

2011...

2011-12-30T18:49:00.000-05:00

(Inside:)
Hope Your Holidays Aren't Too Frosty.

Best. Christmas. Card. Ever.

Another year has past, and I sit here doing one of my most favorite things.

Revisiting the year as I recorded it.

(Feel free to click on any of the highlights to remember it with me)

January saw another visit by Stroller Guy, a butt load of snow days, and random conversations with the kids. It was also the month where I began to tell you stories both good and bad.

February brought about new characters by the names of Walter, Ezio, and the Anonymous Male. It was also the month I made you all jealous of my Sundays.

March was the month of the Bag O' Stupid and the start of How To Tuesdays which were incredibly informative. Oh how I wish Christie would start them up again. Youngest turned 9 and saved the free world., and I let you all use my new bathroom.

In April we took in the NBA, and I took parenting lessons from Michael Jordan. It was also the start of Truth Is Thursday. Going back through them, Truth is... it seems I have always needed a nap.

April Showers brought May flowers, but May also brought my niece's dress for the wedding, and some Extreme Couponing.

I had some conversations with Youngest in June, and Oldest as well. It was also held the single best memory Oldest has ever had of his father, and when I discussed the need for an app that could turn your phone into a taser.

July found us in NH at the balloon festival very early in the morning, the start of the basement renovation still underway. We found our way to a Red Sox Game, and the hidden gem of Lake Compounce in CT.

August was the wedding. 'Nuff said.

September, the boys started fourth and fifth grade and Bonus Brother started his Senior year of High School, as we honeymooned in Vegas. I tried making Gluten Free Pop Tarts, and told 'y'all where I'm from.

October brought about my 37th year, I attempted to cut back on my sugar intake, and took the kids to the zoo.

November was the month Oldest turned 11., we played poker (sort of) and killed the beast. I put up the Christmas tree, and tried to become a professional cyclist.

December closed out the year, with a roller coaster of ups and downs. The boys paid their respects as they finished the epic novel that is their history with their father. Christmas came and went, and here we are full circle.

Another year down, a new year ahead...

...full of amazing things yet to be discovered.

Truth Is Thursday...

2011-12-29T18:56:00.000-05:00

Truth is... It's better late than never. Right? Come on! Work with me people!

Truth is... I was down stairs doing laundry and heard the all too familiar click click of the furnace. Seems someone forgot to check the propane levels. And by someone, I mean me. Seems when someone always takes care of it, there is no one to check up on that same someone to ensure it as done. *sigh* It's gonna be a long night of camping out in the living room.

Truth is... there were many apologies awaiting me at work today along with two cards. I really, really just want to leave it behind me, ya know?

Truth is... when a certain boy ~~Oldest~~ leaves the empty milk jug out on the counter in the morning, it really, really smells come 6 PM in the evening.

Truth is... Tony's picking up milk tonight on his way home from his buddy's house. He just doesn't know it yet.

Truth is... I have the day off tomorrow. It's packed full of stuff that needs to get done including ~~calling for a propane delivery~~ getting a new sticker on the car. I am not having any warm and fuzzies about it passing. I feel the time is coming to put the old girl down.

Truth is... Bonus Brother is with us all week, so he can attend a driver's ed class during vacation. It's been nice having him around.

Truth is... It's a lot harder adding another kid into the mix as well as picking up/dropping off than I originally thought. Thank God I abandoned my original plan to have four children.

Truth is... Bonus Brother agreed to cut his hair while he was here. This is him before with it tied back, looking all snazzy for the wedding...

And this is him now... holding his hair....

He donated it to Locks Of Love, not to be confused with Locks For Love which is an entirely different web site all together...thankyouverymuch. Anyway, here's hoping the new wig will make some child with Cancer's day.

Truth is... I am meeting up with my girlfriend for breakfast on Monday morning. I'm in some serious need for some girl gossip/nonsense time.

Truth is... Tony's watching the kids for me.

Truth is.... he doesn't know it yet.

Truth is... I have a number of posts brewing in the noggin. ~~and on several thousand scraps of teeny tiny papers.~~ I'm thinking New Year's will be spent in bed, with cocoa, and the laptop.

Truth is... it's your turn!

The One In Which I Whine Like A Big Baby....

2011-12-28T16:32:00.000-05:00

Okay, here's the thing. I am blessed. Really and truly blessed by the life that I have and all the wonderful people in my life. I have not lost sight of that, nor am I discounting the amazingness of it all. But, December has been a really tough month for me, and I'm just not in a really good place right now. So, on Christmas Eve, when Tony looked at me and said "How'd ya make out with the regulars?" I wanted to throw up.

Every day, I go to work, and while I am not the best in the office, I try. I stay late, take extra pieces, cover what needs to be covered and help out in ways that go way above and beyond what's actually my job. I have held down routes when people are out and ensure they come back to a cleaner route than when they left. I write up the trucks so no one gets stuck out on the road the next day, and I never leave a truck without gas. Honestly, there's probably only one other person at work that I can say does that as well. One other person out of 15.

As a typical rule, the regulars can make excesses of $1,000 at Christmas time, in addition to gift cards and goodies. Some share these thank yous from the road, and some do not. That is fine, and it is their choice. But weather they share a gift with the substitutes or not, most of the time there is at least a card exchanged or at the very least, a Thank You.

This year, I got one. From another substitute carrier. Honestly, until Tony said something, I hadn't even noticed. But once I did, it ate a hole in my stomach. Not because of the lack of gift, but becasue of all the extra I do, and it wasn't even acknowledged. The holiday came and went, I ~~stopped acting like a big baby~~ ~~and~~ went into work, did JUST my job and went home.

This morning, I found out that a bunch of the regulars had gone to another senior sub and pooled money for the carriers that have been bouncing around on all the routes. He divided it up amongst them, and excluded the PTFs from the gifting as he would be taken care of by his primary route, and myself and the other girl would be taken care of by ours. This would have been fine by me.... had he said a word.

But he didn't. And since the regular I sub for who was supposed to take care of me, didn't so much as utter Merry Christmas to me, I was left with not just feeling crappy, but with the feeling of the entire office confirming that I suck at my job.

Now, when two of the regulars who contributed found out I was cut from the list, they were furious. (Which is how I found out at all) I've been told they are going to make it right, but honestly, it doesn't matter much now. What's worse is the senior sub who decided what to do was supposed to be my friend. And, even though he did what I would have done, who was he to decide for me?

Add to this, that I am having a difficult time with my ex's demise. Crazy, I know, but I am. I'm not even sure if I can phrase this so anyone could understand, but here goes. First, I am sad that he was that sad. That he had lost sight of the good things in his life and was so depressed that there was no hope in sight. I am sad that he had to lie to everyone to cover that up. I am sad that he wasn't the man that he should have been to the boys, and that if he ever could have changed (although highly unlikely), he can't now.

I know it was not my job to save him, fix his problems, or cover for him.

I know that if I had done anything different, the boys and I would have been in jeopardy, or worse, it could have been our ashes that were spread.

I KNOW that the kids lives will be better having gotten off the roller coaster.

I am incredibly pissed that he always got to take hiatus from parenthood. That he never had to bear the responsibility of being a real parent.

I am scared that someday my kids will look at this time and hate me for some part of it. Some way that I handled something, or someone, during this time. That I didn't allow them to grieve enough, be sad, or remember him. But in truth, they don't really want to do that. They want to play and have friends over. They wanted to go to school, to talk with their friends, and teachers. They want things to be normal.

I am really scared that I am now the only parent. Which I realize is not really different than before, but now it's official. Ya know?

And so, here I sit, in my funk.

It also doesn't help that I have three months of hormone crash coming on either.

I will be better tomorrow.

Honest.

Do not worry, I'm fine, really, just in a funk is all.

Ghosts Of Christmas...

2011-12-27T06:09:00.001-05:00

So my newly departed ex-husband seems to have only stayed around our house for a week or so, and now appears to have moved on. I suspect that he wanted to make sure the boys were doing okay and has either crossed over, or is making a mess of his family's house. They say that that is common with those who have passed on unexpectedly. Either way, the pictures have stopped falling from the walls and the kids are no longer waking up and interrupting us when Tony and I try to get our snuggle on. The house still has an uncanny chill to it, but I think I can take care of that with some good old fashioned winterizing.

My last post was about Tony's gift, or rather his off-the-list gift. Some of you questioned what it was that I received. That is, aside from a ghost free home and peace of mind. Well, I'll tell ya. After a long, car ride conversation regarding my annoyance at Tony's need to just buy stuff for me and how 80% of the gifts become just things under the tree, I had to eat my words. And wash them down with a giant glass of humble. I may have even mumbled the words, You were right.

This year, every gift I got meant something. A new bathrobe to replace the robe I have worn since I was pregnant with oldest. New slippers because my feet are always cold. New silverware, free of scratches from when the boys take the spoons to dig in the yard, or the butter knives to turn screws. A digital picture frame to display the photos of all our adventures in a constant loop. A Magic Bullet blender to replace the old blender I have had *cough, cough* for twenty years* since my freshman year of college. There was even a gift card for the Kindle Fire my parents got me, so I could buy Elisa's book and lose myself in her journals.

So, about mid day I popped on the computer to search for accessories for the Fire. I must say that if there's one thing I hate, it's that when something is new, the accessories cost a fortune. And they all tend to look the same. I found this cover by Kate Spade, and while it's cute, it doesn't have the options I wanted within the cover. And Hello? $69? No thanks. Anyway, afterwards I dozed off a bit. I dreamt that I had a cover made of this crazy burgundy print with Hawaiian themed turtles through it.

(Actual fabric has tie dyed swirls
and is less pink than this.
My photography skills are weak my friends.)

Weird I know. What was even weirder is that when I woke up, the fabric was in my attic already.

About six months before she got sick, my grandmother had given me a bunch of fabric scraps to do something with. Not being a quilter, and having very little in the way of projects that required scraps, I threw the bag into the attic and forgot all about it. So there I was, on Christmas day at 10 PM going through the attic and wouldn't you know? There was just enough fabric for a cover.

Excited, I began to cut out the pieces. Already 11-ish , assembly would have to wait. I wrapped it all up back in the bag and left it near the couch. When I went to bed, I had another dream. This time, the outside cover was leather. And again, it was the same leather scraps I had in the attic. My favorite coat in college, had fallen into disrepair, and I had made into a purse from it a few years back. I had kept the scraps as something the boys may use for school projects. And wouldn't you know, there was just enough. And, as luck would have it, the buttons matched up with the pocket flap, which I was able to turn into the clasp.

So I got to work. Sewing and cutting, pressing ~~and swearing~~.

The final result looks like this....

The wrinkles have been pressed in for twenty years, so what's left here is the just the marks. It's a very soft deer skin, almost like a suede (Not Swede, thanks Skippy!). The inside is where I used her fabric....

I included pockets for my cards and such. I hate having to carry around four wallets inside my purse. There's also room and an additional pocket in the fold for a stylus. Damn my fat fingers! It's not perfect, but neither am I. And the best part is, I felt like she was here telling me how to make it. Like it was her Christmas gift to me. The entire project came together in less than an hour. With only one mistake.

Seriously, that never happens.

Not to me anyway.

So there you have it.

My Christmas gift from the beyond.

Now, if I can only get it back from Tony.

He's loving the Angry Birds.

All About Tony's Gifts...

2011-12-26T08:30:00.000-05:00

Happy Boxing Day!

This year it's especially wonderful because this "peasant" gets to sleep half the day away whilst her boys make a mess of the otherwise clean house. I hope everyone had a great Holiday regardless of what you celebrated. But, I know what you've all come here for today. It's been plaguing you the entire week, right?

Come on. Humor me.

Because as we all know, it's all about Tony.

Last year, or maybe the year before, I can't remember, I bought him a brick.

Literally.

I bought him one brick.

But it was to be installed here...

at the Nascar Hall Of Fame. The entry to the building and parts of the actual building were funded by donations of fans, who bought bricks, inscribed them, and had them installed into the building. We were one of the fans. His brick read,

Not Speeding, Qualifying.

TGMG24

Now, I know you're all thinking What an awesome gift! If he doesn't like it you could hit him upside the head with it! But no. I was too cheap and the lacking space to get the replica brick, so what he opened was a certificate saying that it was purchased. Then, a few months later we received a map of where it was so we could visit. Again, something we have never done as we are here in New England and the brick is in North Carolina.

So this year, I decided that I'd book the four of us (bonus brother would rather poke his eyes out) a little get away to visit the precious new addition to his collection.

So I did.

We're going.

Oh. And I forgot to mention that while we are there, the Sprint series is running.

He also got a ticket for the race.

On the Start/Finish line.

With a fantastic view.

The boys and I will be hanging by the hotel pool while he's at the race. I also have family and cousins I haven't seen in 15 years living close by, so I suspect we will not be left missing out on anything.

So there ya have it.

He also got some other things, books, DVD sets, a new Jeff Gordon watch to replace the one that broke, but I suspect spending time with his family will be one of his favorites this year.

And I also suspect in a few months, there will be plenty of posts centered around Tony posing with his brick.

Twas The Night Before Christmas

2011-12-24T20:45:00.000-05:00

Twas the night before Christmas,
And all through the city,
No one was out,
Because the weather was sh%#tty.

The last minute gifts,
were scoffed up and bought,
hoping to be the best present,
Any one's ever got.

The tree was lit,
With bulbs and bright colors,
And Mom's snuggled up tight,
Underneath her bed covers.

She's hiding away,
Holding the covers up tight,
Waiting for the boys
To wake her up at first light.

They will open their gifts,
Leave the place in a wreck,
She will wade through the wreckage,
-N- not break her neck.

There's and arsenal of Nerf,
And technological gadgets,
NFL paraphernalia,
and cards for making magic.

Their faces will light up,
And hugs will abound,
From behind mugs of cocoa,
Warm smiles will be found.

She will sit in her quiet,
Amongst the squeals of delight,
And marvel at the wonder,
that comes from the sight.

Because this Christmas she's found,
The best gift of all,
And while unexpected,
It does not make it less small.

Her gift is peace of mind,
knowing they are safe and secure,
that they are happy and loved,
and that they will never need more.

Their life is now a constant,
A path of their choosing,
A path of adventures,
Not just winning or losing.

Her true gift is just watching,
Them grow into young men,
Her privilege of loving them,
Forever,
Amen.

Friday Fragments...

2011-12-23T15:57:00.000-05:00

It's Friday. And I'm fragmented, as are most of the people on the expressway off ramp going to and from the mall.

But it's all good, because Mrs. 4444 has allowed us all to go to her place and dump all our excess junk off at her doorstep so we can go along and enjoy our holiday festivities. Go on, visit... I'll wait.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We've got about 24 hours to go and I must say the workload has drastically fallen off. I finished work today at 2pm and have tucked myself safely away in the confines of my bedroom. I will emerge at some point to take the boys to dinner, as I have more energy to go out than to cook. And I must go to CVS and print out pictures, since the ones ordered from Snapfish are sure to arrive on December 27th. Besides, it's nice just being me and the boys every once and a while.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I've completely lost Tony to all this political crap (note no use of the ugly side line. Because that is what it is, C.R.A.P.) It's so bad he confessed to listening on his Sirius radio at lunch, and it has taken over our prime time line up. I will expect his return somewhere around January 4th. Until then he's utterly useless to me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Oldest: "Mom. I want to show you a card trick."
Me: "Ok. But you're still in a towel from your shower. No one wants to see a card trick when you're naked."
Oldest: "It's good, ma. I'm gonna make it appear from my butt."

Hmm. I don't think I'll be needing my cards back buddy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I making those pretzel and Hershey kiss treats that everyone seems to have pinned on Pinterest tonight for Sunday. Here's hoping that they are yummy. I had wanted to try them with Rolos but could not guarantee they were peanut free for my niece. *sigh* The caramel goodness will have to wait until next time.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I bought 48 candy canes, the good kind that taste like bubblegum and jolly ranchers, for the boys' classrooms and totally forgot to send them in to school. Now I'm doing everything I can to get rid of them. If you find one in your mail box, no worries, it's from me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I have managed to avoid the gingerbread house fiasco. Now, don't get me wrong, I love doing the houses, I really do. But the expense of all the stuff, buying and baking the Gluten Free gingerbread, and then eventually throwing away the carnage, is really too much for me this year. And as long as Tony says nothing, I think I may be home free.

(And no honey, this is not your opportunity to mention it, hint at it, or even form the words gingerbread, that is... if you value your life.)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tony: "Ok. So you have the ball, and then they get all over you. So you do this... and then go like this... got it?"
Youngest: "Yup."
Tony: "OK now you try."
(sounds of throwing and handing off of basketball)
Me: "Um. What's going on out there?"
Tony: "We're working on lay ups and fake outs."
Me: "It's 6:20 in the morning, and you're in the living room.."
Tony: "Listen woman! NBA all stars aren't born, they're made. Now go back to bed."

And at that moment, I was too tired to argue, and no one needs to tell me twice to go back to bed. But if something breaks, they'd better be working on their defense as well.

Truth Is Thursday...

2011-12-22T10:19:00.011-05:00

Truth is.... I'm done with Christmas shopping. Really, really done. Every year I think I should just run out and get one more gift to even things off and my house ends up looking like a giant toy store anyway. So yeah, I'm done.

Truth is... Tony will most likely be out shopping on Christmas Eve, buying that one last gift.

Truth is... I finally found some time to grocery shop this week. Which was good, because we were down to half a gallon of milk, two cheese sticks and expired yogurt. $254 later, we are fully stocked and ready to have Christmas dinner, which I temporarily had forgotten all about.

Truth is... Today is my little brother's birthday. It also would have been the boys' father's 40th birthday.

Truth is... I (and by "I" I mean everyone who lives here) really need to find some time to clean the house. It's starting to look like a dorm room.

Truth is... I never got around to painting the rest of the walls in the boys' room. Thankfully, the wall for their TV is finished so installing their joint Christmas gift will not be an issue. Figuring out where we will put all the other ~~crap~~ goodies they receive, well that's a different story.

Truth is... Youngest asked last night if we were still going to make gingerbread houses this year. Because we always make gingerbread houses. *sigh* Well, I guess we are now.

Truth is... I think all I really want for Christmas is a nap.

And The Christmas Guilt Arrives On The Doorstep...

2011-12-21T19:32:00.000-05:00

"What's this?"
"It's a box"
"Is it a present?"
"I don't know."
"Well, what is it?"
"I don't know. Could you just leave it alone?"
"It's for me isn't it?"
"Um. No."
"Yes. It is."
"No. And could ya shut up and not make a big deal out of it?"
"Why?!?! And it's for me isn't it?"
"Um. No."

The worst part of this conversation was that it was not with the 9 year old, or the 11 year old in the house.

It was with the 45 year old.

The 45 year old who can read, to see clear as day, that this ginormous ready post box came from the ex's brother for the boys.

And in all honesty, I wanted to return it to sender. I mean, who knows what could be in there?

In 10 years (yes, longer than we've been divorced) the boys have never gotten Christmas gifts from this Uncle. Never. Yet, here was the box, dripping with guilt, and rattling with unknown sounds.

*sigh*

I opened the box to find two gifts, wrapped from their cousin. Closer investigation revealed Star Wars Legos, and while they are a bit two years ago on the Christmas list, the boys will love them. Enclosed was a card that I will save for a later time.

Why?

Because the card read...

Thinking of you both during this, the most difficult Christmas of your lives. 'R' (Yes, they used his proper name, not "your father", not "your Dad", his proper name) will live on in our memories. Love 'R', 'Y', and 'B' insert last name. (Again, not "Uncle R" or your Uncle, just his name, AND they used their last name!)

Let's digest this, shall we? The most difficult Christmas Of you lives... Hmmmm. I'm thinking the Christmases he chose not to spend with them could rank up as more difficult. Or how about the one when he was in jail? Yeah. This one will be sad, but it's not a choice. And truthfully, he hasn't seen them for Christmas in four years. So sad, yes. Difficult, maybe. Most difficult? No.

And really? Could he not just call him their father? And, is it necessary to sign your full names to the card?

*sigh*

Yes.

It was wonderful that they sent gifts and thought of the boys. They will enjoy them and will send along a thank you. But if they even remotely think that I'm going to allow them to rip off the band aid and re-expose their wounds...

...they've got another thing coming.

Regaining A Sense Of Normal...

2011-12-19T20:33:00.000-05:00

So have you all seen this commercial?

Go ahead.

Watch, I'll wait.

After Saturday's events, I returned home ~~and dragged Tony out of bed~~ picked up Tony and we took the kids out to breakfast. So here we are, sitting in a favorite restaurant, surrounded by a few familiar faces, when Tony starts out with the ba-baum, ba-baum, ba-baum.

Then Youngest Aye, Aye, Aye....

But when Oldest gets to the do do do dit do do do, do do dit melody, he throws in the word "fatty".

"Fat-tee Fat-tee fat tee, fattee, fattee"

Go ahead. Re-watch the video... it fits in perfectly.

And I just about peed myself laughing in the middle of the Cafe.

Damn. I love my kids.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I sucked it up and finally bought Tony his off-the-list Christmas gift.

I figured if there was ever a year I could do it, this was it.

There are still parts of it that I'll have to figure out later, but for now, it's done.

Now, I'm just praying he loves it.

(He reads everyday, so if you're dying of suspense, email me.)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I never get to see my youngest nephew without a hoard of people around. He is three and is easily distracted by people he sees more often, which is fine. On Sunday they came down to exchange gifts with the boys as we will not see them on Christmas.

Damn. They are cute.

He and his 20 month old year old sister toddled around chasing the cat and playing with everything in the house. At one point I had curled up on the couch to watch a movie and I asked him to come sit and watch with me.

He crawled up on the couch, into my "pocket" (that's what I would call the spot between my butt and my curled up legs when Oldest was little) and pulled the blanket up over himself.

My heart about melted.

My boys don't fit in my pocket anymore, and while it was short lived, it was so nice to snuggle with him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Oldest made a really cool jet for his grandfather for Christmas. It was one of those wooden kits from Creatology. He's so excited to give it to him Sunday. I'd take a photo but he's already wrapped it.

Youngest is in the throws of designing his pinewood derby car for cub scouts.

I'm surprised he hasn't downloaded aerodynamic plans to reduce wind resistance and drag.

Yup. Things are definitely getting back to normal.

December 17, 2011

2011-12-17T15:25:00.000-05:00

610 am.

The sounds of closing dresser drawers and closets fill the once quietness of the house. Feet pound their way up the stairs into the darkness of the house, lights clicked on along the way, chairs are pulled out as they sit down to tie their shoes.

It is time.

I run out to warm up the car, December 17th, it's only 33 degrees, the first snow is expected tonight. Everyone knows their part, and they are ready. The car is busy with anticipation, grief, and energy that only boys can produce at 6 am. The radio clips from commercial to their next pre scheduled song...

"I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean

Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens

Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance

I hope you dance." -L Womack

We make the drive to his old house. There's a salt water inlet that runs under the street and straight into the ocean. Surrounded by large rocks up by the street, it tapers, cutting it's way through the rocky beach sand until it finally reaches the beached waves. During low tide, the "river" disconnects creating tide pools. These are the same tide pools the boys played in for two years religiously on weekends with their Dad. They collected countless creatures forever captured in old drywall buckets, only to be freed and caught again during their next visits. This is the spot they have chosen.

We walk quickly, hoping not to disturb the new residents of the homes along the beach. We are alone, with exception of a long off owner and her confused dog. Somehow, I think knowing that this is not entirely within the rules of the county, makes this more appropriate, as if somehow it was something their father would have done. And, it is, after all, exactly what he wanted done.

We reach the point where the large rocks turn to smaller ones, and then then just sand. High tide was just two hours earlier, the river is still connected, and the current within the stream is so strong it is rolling baseball sized rocks far into the surf.

They say their goodbyes, quietly, to themselves. I have no idea what they said, or how they have made their peace, and it is not mine to know. When they were ready, they slowly poured them in. The wind whipping from the west, the finer dust flew in line with the ashes. Oldest looks at me, "Look. It's so beautiful."

And it was. The ashes swirled, white and creamy into the water, forced by the current, they looked as though they were running to the waves. The boys ran along side him right to the surf until he was gone. Surrounded by the sounds of waves crashing, the beach glowing with the oranges and pink of the new day, they searched for shells and sea glass, another of their favorite things to do with him. They jumped on the edge of the sand and made "avalanches" until Youngest fell in. Even soaked to his knees, he was not deterred.

They took as much time as they needed, made peace with the moment, and walked back to the car stopping only for a few handfuls of fine sand. There was no crying. No overwhelming sadness. Only peace. They had let him go, freeing his body to join with his spirit. He was free now to go anywhere he wanted, explore the world, and be at everyone of their basketball games. He would never again be able to miss an visit, never disappoint them, and never leave them again. He could always be with them now, no matter how far away they choose to go in life.

There are moments in life, both sad and happy, when I wish I had a magical camera. One that could take my memories and print them out on paper. I watched them play on the sand, laughing, exploring, and throwing rocks wishing I hadn't left everything in the car on purpose. Absorbing the beauty of that moment, I reached my hands into my pockets, frozen from helping Youngest's ashes along in the water, and felt my phone. The phone I was positive I had left in the car.

It was most likely a moment that will stay with them forever. But on the off chance they ever want that magical camera, I will have it for them.

Just Checking In...

2011-12-16T22:36:00.000-05:00

For those of you worried about us, I thought I'd check in and let you all know how things went tonight. And after tomorrow, I'll be back to my regularly scheduled every other day-or-so posts.

Youngest went to school today as it was "game day" and he didn't want to miss out on the festivities. Oldest didn't want to go as he was starting to feel sad, and I suspect a bit depressed, after staying up late finishing his memorial frame for his Dad's service. Then he found out I had errands to do, and of course he wanted to go to school, but only for a little while.

I made the rounds, mailing requests for the autopsy reports, applying for social security, finally losing it in the craft store parking lot, and tearing my house apart for the last of the forms I needed for the Social Security office. After about 2 hours of destroying the office looking for my original marriage certificate from the first marriage, it occurred to me the court house may not have given it back. After a quick phone call, it was determined they indeed had it, however I now have to petition the court to get it back.

On Tuesday.

At the court house an hour away.

Lovely.

In reality, provided I can get there to do it, it will not delay the processing and the boys should be acquiring checks by mid January.

Around 1130, I picked Oldest up at school and dropped lunch off for Youngest.... a McDonald's number three, complete with fries, apple juice, and fork for proper bun removal. ALL the kids were so jealous. Oldest and I finished up the memorial frames, and scouted prospective locations for their goodbyes. The sister called, I stood my ground regarding the boys scattering being private, and regarding the conduct at the service. She was pleasant and understood.

Around four the woman from the funeral home dropped off his ashes, gift wrapped even, two velvet pouches in a silver bag. The boys and I discussed scattering them before the service, but I hesitated and thought we should do it tomorrow instead. An hour later, the woman calls me back...

Me: "Hello?"
Her : "Hey, I have a horrible thing to tell you...."
Me: "Oh. Did the hearts get switched or something?"
Her: "No. I gave you the wrong ashes."
Me: "Well what's the difference between their half of the ashes and the boys?"
Her: "Absolutely nothing. But I gave you the WRONG ashes."
*ensue my fit of laughter here*
Me: "Well. I am so glad I didn't spread these with the boys an hour ago."
Her: "I'm so glad you're laughing, becasue I'm about to throw up."

So, I arrive with "the package" at the funeral home and she drops the correct ashes at the house with Tony. She knocks on the door, having no clue who she is, he quickly pieces it together when he sees the bag.

The service was uneventful, which was ideal for the boys. Oldest broke down during the video (which did include all three songs) and his cousin was there for him. Youngest sat in the corner, hood up, zoning it all out. They lasted almost to the end, at which time Oldest declared he was "too sad and bored".

Ten of us found ourselves at dinner, laughing at the table, lightening the mood. (Of course, the incredible cherry flavored drink I selected helped out quite a bit.) After dinner, the boys played the claw machine. You know the claw one right? You put $1 in and get nothing out, ever? Yeah.

They both won.

On their first try.

Both of them.

We hung their frames.

We talked about tomorrow.

And they took their newly won prizes to bed.

And There's More...

2011-12-16T07:43:00.000-05:00

Seems the sister thought that my signing to release the body meant that I was releasing myself from everything.

Everything.

Like access to the toxicology reports.

Like the death certificate.

Like applying for Social Security for the kids.

Like all financial access to what they deserve.

I was married to the family for almost 10 years. Do they think I've learned nothing?

His mother won't so much as pick up the phone to call me. She kept saying to the funereal director that there were people who wanted to see the boys. Her response was, "This is not a family reunion. If they want to see the kids, it should have happened years ago."

The boys and I were up late last night scrap booking a page for framing to remember their dad. We will bring it to the service, and when we get home, hang it on the walls of their rooms. Oddly enough, for them it was both therapeutic and definitive if that makes any sense. The funeral home is making sure they have a place to display them both so they can share what all the pictures and mementos mean.

Have I said how much I like this lady?

She will be dropping by their portion of the cremains, today. They are not allowed to pick up theirs until tomorrow to avoid any insanity. This means that the boys can get rid of their part privately, which is exactly how they want to do it.

And don't worry, the funeral director is also ensuring that we get extremely clean cremains (No screws ad bolts, evidently from the box they use) and the best parts of him. Parts like his bald head, his hugging arms, and his big smile.

The family can have his butt and smelly feet.

The boys think that is hysterical.

Truth Is Thursday...

2011-12-15T06:01:00.001-05:00

Truth is... It gets better. The obituary posted in the paper yesterday. "He is survived by his cherished sons, Oldest and Younougest." Yip. Their aunt spelt Youngest's name wrong in the obituary. Come on. It's five letters and a frickin' biblical name. Really? Guess we're not saving that either.

Truth is... I was mumbling at the kitchen table about how I just needed to focus and get us all through the next three days.

Oldest: "Why the next three days?"
Me: "Well, you're aunt's kind of driving me crazy."
Oldest: "Ma....She drives everyone crazy."

Oh how right you are my son. How right you are.

Truth is... I made the final decision on the ashes. I will have the home divide them in two. The boys and I will take half and his parents can take half. We will put our half into the ocean here, and the understanding will be that they will put theirs in the Florida waters. Anything beyond that is not on me. Oldest has also decided to keep his "box" but throw his ashes. Youngest wants to build a paper mache boat, strap a rocket engine to it and drive it off into the sunset holding his box. (He is so totally my son.)

Truth is... I've not been sleeping much lately. The kids are sleeping just fine, but not me ~~because I continue~~ ~~to have nightmares that he'll come back to haunt me~~. I'm going with three melatonin tonight, hopefully that will do the trick.

Truth is... I took a short shift tomorrow, and two days off for the ~~extravaganza~~ services. I'm going to use this time to ~~pull my hair out dealing with the insanity~~ file with social security for the boys, and maybe let the kids take a half day.

And take a nap.

Because I'm really tired.

And now it's your turn! Write your Truth's and link up.

Wednesday Rant With Some Of Stef's Ugly Sidelines......

2011-12-14T00:01:00.007-05:00

OK. I realize that I should be super sensitive to the situation here, but my kids don't read this, ~~and I'm not going to say anything that they don't already know~~.

To recap, my ex husband died. Turns out, that I am next of kin since I am the boys guardian. (I'm still maintaining that he's still married to his second wife ~~but no one's listening to me, whatever.~~ ) So this means I have to sign some papers, etc. Fine. I can do that.

His sister has been ~~obsessing~~ handling most of the details. His brother wanted to be involved, but ~~he's a putz~~ they can't agree on anything. He started calling my house at random ~~completely inappropriate~~ times and I ~~not~~ so nicely told him ~~to F-off~~ that we had everything that we needed here and the kids and I were fine. Both of them did agree, however, that they wanted my input so it would be as easy for the kids as possible.

Anyway, in trying to find a funeral home, there were many choices tossed around. I ~~insisted~~ asked to not use the home 1 mile from our house so the boys would not have to pass it ~~17 times a day~~ every day . I offered two other homes instead. Guess which one they are going with?

Then, there was the choosing of the urns. ~~Why the f do you need more than one urn anyway~~? She chose two small heart shaped ones for the boys, another two for her parents, and was supposed to choose one large one to rent for the memorial. Instead, she decided that she was going to buy several little ones and give cousins, aunts and family friends ashes in small urns. ~~Like party favors~~. Needless to say, the funeral home called me ~~horrified~~, and said legally it was my call. I said that if she wanted to ~~totally throw her money away~~ on the small ones for the boys, and the ones for her parents, that was fine, but the rest were to go in a large urn, to be taken after the service.

Here's the thing. My ex wanted to be cremated, and his ashes be put into the ocean. ALL of his ashes. He didn't want to go and be missing his right arm or big toe because Uncle Joe wanted something sitting on the mantle. We discussed this. Multiple times.

My kids also feel this way. They love the idea of putting him in the ocean and having their grandparents put some in the ocean in Florida. Oldest wants to keep a small amount of the ashes until he's ready to let go. I'm OK with that, it's on his time, but ultimately he will go into the ocean. ~~But dammit, I knew~~ ~~that somehow that bastard would figure out a way to live in this house.~~Youngest is furious that anyone would want to do anything different.

And yet, their Aunt still thinks this is no big deal.

In the end, the boys and I will be disposing of our portion in our own special extremely personal way. If they chose to disregard his wishes AND his children's wishes, so be it. ~~But you better believe, I'm putting it on them and making them feel like shit about it.~~

Then she wanted to make a video of pictures to play at the service. I supplied photos for this as they have no recent photos of the boys ~~becasue they don't really give too craps about them until something happens~~. When she asked what music should be chosen for it, I knew that the boys had a "soundtrack" of Dad songs, so I checked with them. Turns out, she had already chosen two of the 3 songs. Let me just say here that the boys song choice was either "Kryptonite" or "Love ME When I'm Gone" by 3 Doors Down. Their Dad was a hard core rocker ~~and borderline metal head~~, the louder the better.

She chose "Amazing Grace" and "Would You Know My Name, If You Saw Me In Heaven?"

~~I'll pause here while you regain your composure.~~

She also wanted to set up a memorial account in lieu of flowers. She told me this at 8pm last night, and it had to be done before noon today so it could make the obituary. ~~Because I don't have to work or anything.~~ She was going to set this account up for the boys, but in doing so, she would need all their personal info and she would be have to be the executor. ~~No way in F-ing hell~~. Um, no. I'll take care of that, Thanks. So I took an extra hour out of my day, and called everyone necessary to get it all done.

Then she decided to let me know she had booked a restaurant for after the memorial. It's a Chinese Food place that their family uses for everything. And I mean EVERYTHING. ~~I even had to have my wedding rehearsal dinner there.~~ I informed her that we would not be going. Shocked, she asked why. Um, Hello? We can't eat Chinese. Their food is not Gluten Free and Oldest doesn't like it. ~~She freaking chose and booked a restaurant that his CHILDREN can't eat at.~~

*sigh*

I am quickly remembering why I left this entire world behind.

If you need me, the boys and I will be making paper mache rocks we can fill with ~~whatever ashes are left~~ ~~over~~ ashes and throw into the tide, like they did when they were little. After of course, we go to the memorial ~~extravaganza~~ and eat a nice meal at a restaurant of my son's choosing.

Randomly Speaking...

2011-12-13T06:00:00.007-05:00

Tony: "I was on the computer looking at cruises we could take with the kids."
Me: "OK."
Tony: "We could go to the Bahamas in February for cheap money."
Me: "And where would this money come from?"
Tony: "Money? Pla-eeze. Those cruise people would take one look at you and say, DAMN! You're so fine lady, we're giving you half off."
Me: "Really..." (insert eye roll)
Youngest: "Yeah, Tony, then they'd take one look at you and charge us double."

Gotta love his brutal honesty.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Well, let's see.

It's Tuesday.

And Tuesdays are random.

I know this because this....

keeps appearing on my blog roll.

If you visit Stacy you can also see that I am in good company with my incoherent nonsense.

Moving on...

Bound and determined to not let the current events overshadow Christmas, I FINALLY got around to syncing Oldest's new Ipod (his gift from my parents) with the existing library we had in the computer. It took all of, oh, 3 hours. Not because he had a lot of music to download, but because nothing technological seems to come with actual instructions any more.

Really.

For $200, I'd like a manual. Is that too much to ask?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I have custom ring tones for different people in my phone. That way, I don't go running for it if I don't have to. My sister is "Life Is a Highway" becasue we always seem to be in the car, my Mom is "Say Hey! I Love You", Tony is "Honey Can You Squeeze Me In?". Currently the vast majority of people fall into the "Let It Go" ring tone.

I'm thinking of changing it to Ozzy's "Crazy Train"

Seems somehow fitting, lately, No?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There is a certain insanity that goes along with my ex-husband's family.

You add an extreme amount of stress and grief into the mix and, let's just say, it's not good. While I appreciate the plans that his sister has made, I am finding that I may need to step in to ensure that the boys desire to be part of the events, do not get over shadowed by the elaborate video programs and re-writing of obituaries.

Momma may need to get her mean face on.

*sigh*

Friday can't come soon enough.

**On that note, thanks you for the many comments and the private emails I have received. Skippy, I really appreciate your advice, and Lola, your sensitivity is greatly appreciated. I truly am doing fine aside from the ex-in-laws making me a bit crazy.

Thing is, as bad as it sounds, he wasn't a part of their everyday. They saw him for 3 hours a month. That's only 36 hours a YEAR. IF he didn't miss a visit. He was their father, but their lives even at this young age have so much more to them, that they are really OK. When the memorial service is held I'm sure it will hit home. Until then, we're just hour by hour. But really, we're doing just fine.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We received the check from the insurance company for the water damage in the sun room. I was discussing this with my Dad tonight and he asked if I wanted to have his drywall guy to just come in and do the drywall.

Gee. Let me see.

Inhaling drywall dust for 6 weeks until we get it just right, cleaning every surface in the kitchen to make it plaster free before doing ANYTHING, swearing and balancing dry wall on my head to do the ceiling,

OR....

having Matt come in and do it all in two days.

Worth. Every. Penny.

After Christmas, of course. I need to be totally focused so it comes out just the way I want it.

Because it may be our house, but decorating/design it is all about me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'm still on the fence on what to serve at our Christmas day soiree. They'll be about 20 people here in my tiny house of three chairs.

Maybe I should just take the insurance money and get a new set of kitchen chairs.

Now that's a thought.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I've lost all track of time lately. I'm counting down the days til the Christmas crazy is over, yet I keep thinking it's further off than what it is. Bonus Brother is coming to stay for a week and I need to find his bed under the ~~giant hoard~~ pile of sports paraphernalia in the office. Tony brought in another nine boxes of trading cards from his Mother's house.

I think it's time to look into shelving for the other side of the basement.

Not In The Plan...

2011-12-11T16:52:00.000-05:00

I had all kinds of funny posts today.

Things the kids said.

Things Tony said.

And once again it was all trumped by the ex husband.

The ex husband who felt last night, two weeks before Christmas, seven days before his next visit with Oldest, and 12 days from an extra visit scheduled for the boys to see him for his fortieth birthday, was the perfect night to mix a large amount of pills with an unknown liquid and swallow them down. He is after all, invincible, right?

Wrong.

I am left here tonight, trying to figure out how to tell the kids.

And as it seems, the man who finished nothing on his own, actually did get divorced from his second wife, therefore leaving me (as the boy's guardian) the next of kin.

Seems it's my job to release the body to the family.

It's gonna be another great week.

Truth Is Thursday...

2011-12-08T19:09:00.000-05:00

Truth is... I'm having a tough week. I feel like I really suck at my job. And even worse, that I suck as a mother. I have had to make some tough decisions this year regarding Youngest, ones that I was not entirely comfortable with. Tonight it became apparent that I need to make some different choices, which I will do immediately, but am still not entirely sure if this change is the right choice either. I know, vague. I'll work it all out, it just sucks right now.

Truth is... I'm counting down the days until the holidays are over.

Truth is... no one was maimed by the paper cross bow. Turns out, Oldest couldn't get the yarn untangled so he just surrendered his tooth.

Truth is... There's mysterious water in the basement, and none of us seem to know where it's coming from.

Truth is... I really want the electric indoor turkey fryer for Christmas. Totally frivolous I know, but come on? It can cook a 14 pound turkey in 56 minutes!

Truth is... I'm so thankful the snow hasn't started here yet.

Truth is... I'm trying a new linky thing. At some point I will get that button fixed too. Promise.

Truth is... I hurt all over from running packages up and down driveways all day long. I don't remember it being this bad, well, ever.

Truth is... My foot is much better. Thanks to all of you who checked up on me.

Truth is... all I want to do is crawl into bed and snuggle my kids tonight.

Truth is... It's been a tough week.

Getting My Random On...

2011-12-06T19:31:00.001-05:00

It's Tuesday, and rumor has it that if you go here... Stacy's hosting Random Tuesday thoughts.

Go on, check her out. I'll wait.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lately I have posted about making more than one meal for dinner or breakfast. Just to be clear here, this is not the norm for me. I am not a short order cook, if you don't like what's for dinner, the other option is cereal. But occasionally, I will make different things as Youngest and I eat Gluten free and sometimes it's just easier to make two different meals. So, tonight I was making dinner, helping with homework, and talking to Tony on the phone when I realized that the oil I was heating in the pan was ready. As I moved the pan off the heat, the oil skipped over the surface and landed on my super absorbent socks.

My foot blistered almost immediately.

Upon inspecting my wounded foot, Tony replied "You better put some Neosporin on that."

Upon further inspection, I'm thinking "How can I make this a long term injury that will render me unable to work until January?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I requested Annual leave tomorrow from work. I was approved but was asked if I could come in and work until one. Which I will. Now, being the proactive person I am, I switched some shifts and talked to my boss about finding someone to cover what I can't. When I discussed this with the other senior sub he got all snippy and replied "Good luck finding someone to do that for you."

Um, hello? Not my problem. I'm working so other people don't have to. And again, it's not my problem. Don't know what I did to get his knickers in a knot, but I'll reiterate,

Not. My. Problem.

Ah, holiday cheer. Can't you just feel it?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My cat is scared of his cat door, so I leave it open for him. Let's not get into how he'll bang his head into the locked bedroom door until it finally gives into his body slams and it opens. The other day it fell closed and he couldn't get to his litter box. He proceeded to jump on the bed, dig his front paws into me while I slept, and then run all over the house, crying like a lunatic. After an hour, Tony finally got up to find the cat had pooped in the tub.

It's a good thing the kids are attached, or he'd find himself out on the curb.

As a bonus, it provided fodder to Youngest's school blog.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I really need a nap.

And a vacation.

The insurance check for the damage to the sun room is going to be about $700 more than we expected. We can do the work ourselves for less than half of the full quote.

Can you say road trip?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Oldest is in the final stages of losing all his baby teeth. Today he lost another molar, and if my count is right he only has one more left to lose.

He's down stairs right now rigging a booby trap for the Tooth Fairy.

It involves bait (the tooth), a lot of yarn, and a paper cross bow.

Good thing the tooth fairy knows how to duck and weave.

He's Cracked The Code...

2011-12-05T08:22:00.000-05:00

On Saturday, after dropping off Oldest's friend from the prior night's sleepover, I arrived ~~bright and early~~ on time at work only to discover that we were over staffed. On a Saturday. My boss actually told me to run for the door as fast as I could, and for a change, I didn't argue with him.

In the hopes of seeing a college that had peeked Bonus Brother's interest, I arrived home, only to realize BB was still in his teenage comatose sate, and faced the reality that by the time we got there, the open house would be well under way. *sigh*

Excited at this new found family time, Tony insisted we go Christmas shopping, again. So off we went, Youngest in tow, leaving the other two home fighting assassins and creatures of the Zelda world. Store after store with a little break for lunch, we arrived home with half the day gone. I wrapped and wrapped, whilst the rest watched movies and battled miniature demons in the DS world. I did some scrap booking of the wedding pictures, and Tony handled dinner for everyone but me, which suited me just fine.

On Sunday, I cooked three different breakfasts. I cleaned. I did laundry. I showered only when Youngest decided to have a friend over. They had a class project to do, so when that was done.... I cleaned again. And again. And again, some more. Seems that green floral foam can get everywhere. By 6pm, I was toast.

"I think I need to escape for a few hours"
"Where ya going?"
"Michaels"
"Are they even open?"
"No, that's my new boyfriend."

*crickets*

"Have a good time."

And that is why I married him.

Because even when he too has had enough of kids and all things domestic, he still encourages me to see other men.

Especially when they are having a four hour 20% off sale, with another 40% off coupon.

Truth is...

2011-12-02T22:04:00.000-05:00

I am a complete failure at my own blog carnival.

Truth is... between tending to my recent injuries due to my iron man training, and all that is children, I forgot all about Thursday. *hangs head in shame*

Truth is... every year the office takes on 3-8 foster families to play Santa for. Normally I collect all the money for those who don't want to shop, ~~and pull my hair out until the very last second~~ buy and wrap the gifts for the kids. This year I decided ~~I have enough on my plate~~ to only tackle one gift for one child. He is 5 months old and the only thing on the list were food and diapers. So I made this...

It's a snowsuit, filled with jars of baby food, cereal, juice, etc. sitting on an inflatable infant sled. The picture really does it no justice, as it was one of the cutest things ever. I know because all of the people at work ~~fed my ego~~ told me so.

Truth is.... I was sitting at the kitchen table with oldest holding my head from the migraine that was taking over when my son looked at me and said...

"Mom? Are you OK?"
"Yeah buddy, just a head ache"
"Did I give it to you?"

Truth is...

I'm getting the feeling there are far too many boys in this house. New rule: If they don't fit in the sneaker basket, they don't stay overnight.

Truth is...

Youngest has become semi obsessed in making coin towers. It's all about design and pattern, or so he tells me.

Truth is... I found Bonus brother a driver's ed school that runs over Christmas break. He'll stay with us and I'll bring him to and from around my work schedule. And since his other parents can't make the extra class, I'll be taking the parent class. He's also talking college. I can't figure out weather I am beyond excited of the prospects of touring schools and campuses, or having a seizure over the cost. Maybe a little of both.

Truth is...

I have a new ornament for our tree. Handmade for me by one of my favorite men. :)

Truth is... I already have a tree set up. I entered a contest for a live tree and figured it would be nice for my sister if I won. And don't you know, I won.... two days after my sister bought her tree. But, never fear! My really good friend, submerged in her chaotic life of six kids and having her seventh child this week, had not even thought of a tree yet, and was thrilled when I offered it to her.

It gave me the warm and fuzzies to know that I could do this for her family.

And isn't that that one of the real joys of the season?

Bicycle, Bicycle...

2011-11-30T16:36:00.000-05:00

"You're jumping back into the work force after staying home for 20 years with your kids? No problem, it's..."

"You're getting back into the dating scene? No worries, it's..."

"Seriously? No mojo for 3 years? *giggles* well it's just..."

LIKE RIDING A BIKE.

I'm convinced that these people have never ridden a bike. Because if they had actually sat their 182 pound butt on one of those thong style seats after 20 long years of being a non-cyclist, they'd know better than to say that. None the less, when I found myself with an unexpected day off, 61 degree weather in November, and no children, I decided it was time to try out my new best-est birthday gift ever.

As with all great journeys, the first step is always the hardest.

Removing the tags.

Really? It's a bike people. Do I really need four bags full of tags, instructions, and warranty information? Oh, and lest not forget the one in the wheel, on the front tire, and the little "L" and "R" stickers on the pedals.

Mkay, moving on.

I ~~cram the bike into the back of my station wagon, catching my finger, and cussing under my breath~~ pack up my pretty new bike into the car, and head for our local bike trail...

Fourteen miles of nothing but smooth paved road. Yip, there's an occasional jogger and other cyclists, but this time of year it's pretty much open road along the ocean. Which is good, because as I may have mentioned, it's been twenty years, and my sole purpose was to avoid anyone seeing me fall on my well padded butt. Upon parking I did notice that EMS were standing by in case of any unforeseen, unmentionable event....

So here I go, steadily walking the new bike down to the path, taking care to note my surroundings. You know, things like, there's no guardrails, so it may be best to avoid the rocks...

And avoid the puddles from last night's rain, so as to not get that lovely splash effect going up my backside. Then of course there's the highly distracting view....

Cell phone to call for help, check.

Ear buds for music, check.

Car keys, check.

And... we're off.

Pedal 16 feet.

Get off the bike to adjust the seat.

Pedal another 20 feet. Adjust the seat again.

Do this 3 more times.

Then start messing with the gear shifters. Why in God's name do I need 21 speeds anyway? This is not the Tour De France, and I so do not look good in yellow.

And I'm off again...

wind in my hair, hair in my mouth, Whoa... that's a bug. Gross.

I get about a mile down the path and realize that the wind is coming directly at me. The 20mph wind. No wonder I'm having such a hard time getting anywhere.

So I turn around.

Much better.

Moving along... wind at my back, angry birds at my front.

It was like a stand off with the seagulls. At one point, there was a narrowly avoided air attack, dive bombs included. Unfazed, I continue on to the end of the path. If you look really close, off in the distance you can see the light house at the point.

And then it hits me, I have to pedal back into the wind.

Did I mention it's a 20 mph wind. Yes?

Whipping off the water? Mm mm, good times.

It took a while, but I made it back to the car. I managed to avoid all the yucky crustaceans along the path (The seagulls drop them to split them open of the pavement), getting hit by the park ranger truck, and falling down, rendering myself unconscious on the rocks. Upon arrival, I notified EMS that while their services were appreciated, they would not be necessary today. Because after all, I am now a professional cyclist. They smiled back at me, but I think they were really just hoping the crazy lady would leave them alone. All and all, my only complaint was the permanent bruises I will have on my butt bones from the seat. Note to self: look into a seat for fat people, preferably will gel inserts.

7 miles.

And you know what?

It was just like riding a bike.

This Little Tree Of Ours...

2011-11-29T19:32:00.001-05:00

When I was a kid I dreamed of having an 8 foot Christmas tree, donned with ribbon, lights, and hand strung popcorn and cranberry garland. A tree so large that I'd need a ladder to reach the top for the angel. When I moved into my first apartment, the Boston brownstone, we had 10 foot ceilings, but no floor space. In Florida, I had tons of floor space, but normal ceilings. Back in Massachusetts, we had little children who would inevitably pull down the tree and break every ornament on it, and then try and eat the pieces.

Needless to say, I've had every tree, live and fake, in every size, shape, and color imaginable.

I've even had a felt wall hanging of a tree, with Velcro garland, and felt ornaments that the kids could stick on and off as many times as they'd like.

Last year, I settled on this tree...

It's not so much short, as it is skinny.
It fits perfectly in the corner by the mantle and the TV. It doesn't block the heating vents, I don't have to water it, and even better, the cat doesn't climb it.

Every year we bust out the decorations, and every year I am too lazy to make the popcorn and cranberry garland. Some years, we put the angel on top. Some years we've opted for the standard "Eat At Joe's" blinking star. This year, we opted for a ribbon bow and streamers. The actual setting up of the tree in years past was quite simply, that. Setting up the tree for the kids, secretly counting the days when it would come down and I could regain my precious floor space once again.

But this year it was different.

Youngest and I picked through the ornaments, a collection of photos of Christmas's gone by and places we've been, and discovered the stories behind each one.

Like the one I bought in a vintage store my first year away in college. It's porcelain, and I'm amazed it's survived the past 19 years, 14 moves, 1200 miles away and back again.

Or, the one my mom bought me when I bought my first house. It plugs in and lights up through the windows.

Youngest at two days old. He was so small I could fit him in an Easter basket.

Then there was the year I had the brilliant idea to get professional photos done of Oldest. This is the only one that came out. It was free because the girl forgot to set up the camera properly for the session and NONE of the pictures came out. The entire two hours spent was wasted, except fro the fact that this is still one of my favorite pictures of him.

The ornaments from our travels all seem to mix together on the tree. The ball is from the Bureau of Imprinting in Washington DC. It has actual shredded money in it. The gnome is from the Spy museum, the sand dollar from Martha's Vineyard, and somewhere hidden is a NYC cabbie and Santa on the Empire State building. The only trip we have no memento from is Disney, and try as I might on EBay, I just can't find that perfect set of Mickey ears ornament from 2007.

This is one of the only pictures I have of the boys on Santa's lap. Normally they wanted no part of it, EVER. Can you blame them? Come here little boy, sit on my lap and whisper in my ear... really the whole thing's just creepy. Just behind them is a hand painted snow baby. My grandmother made me a set of 12 before she died. I have many hand made ornaments on the tree. Many have fallen apart or met an untimely demise via the cat. Others have been deemed too flammable and get set aside for the refrigerator or windows. But these guys....

Are still some of my favorites. The boys made them a few years back at their grandmother's house. Some have long necks, some short. Some have no neck at all. But they are all adorable.

So many memories, one at a time put in just the right spot according to Youngest and his stellar decorating techniques. Tony added his touches so there would be some ornaments on the top as well. As I sat back and looked at it, I realized that all these years I thought my kids had missed out on something. My working all the time, our limited finances, my excessive tiredness, I felt as though I hadn't given them enough memories.

But in fact, that just what I had done.

And I have the tree to prove it.

Weekend Review...

2011-11-26T21:13:00.000-05:00

For much of the country this is a Holiday weekend. Five blissful days of stress free, work less days, devoted solely to being happy for what you have, and indulging in countless sinful selections of pies and desserts all while doped up on large amounts of turkey induced tryptophan.

And for me, Thursday was spent doing just this. But as the mail must go through regardless of how good Mom's turkey soup may be, I was off to work. Some years the day after Thanksgiving is really bad, other's not so much. It is after all, the day after a holiday so the mail is inevitably double. However, this is usually offset by the lack of employees necessary to get it to us, therefore resulting in a semi normal day. This year, however, the Postal powers that be determined there was tons of over time to be had and slammed us with mail volume.

I worked a ten hour day. That would be a ten hours, straight through with no lunch, no pee breaks, fueled only by a two day past expiration yogurt that I had eaten at 6 am. I did actually make it off the road by 4pm, only to have my supervisor send me back out.... in the dark... to help another carrier that wasn't going to make it back before the truck went out that night. My issue with this? She had said she needed help before she left the office, and they said NO. Did I mention the best part? I had to pay a sitter for the day. So after taxes, and blah blah blah, I made like $10.

Today, I went to work thinking it could not possibly get any worse than yesterday. Wrong. I had to carry all the same mail that I had carried before because the person who ran that route on Friday didn't realize that the mail he left behind was 2nd class. Really? You've only been in the PO for 3 years... save it buddy, I'm not buying. Off I go, this time fueled by a cheese stick and a wild berry smoothie, with yesterday's mail, today's newspapers, coupons, and a flier dated for Monday. Why? Because I'm awesome... and a bit sadistic, but mostly, because it's my job. Nine hours later, I was too tired to complain or even be angry.

I came home to my new back door which looks beautiful, and settled in for a nice quiet night. Around 7pm Youngest said he had a migraine and went to bed. Bonus, right? Nope. About an hour later he was calling me, all upset, from his bed.

Nothing challenges a mother's love like Tuna puke.

It's something special let me tell you.

Needless to say, tomorrow will be spent inhaling large amounts of movie popcorn.

Swedish style.......

So, how was your weekend?

Truth Is Thursday...

2011-11-24T06:41:00.000-05:00

Truth is... I've been in quite a mess lately.

Truth is... The roofer came on Monday, ripped off and replaced the roof, ran out, and had to come back on Tuesday. Tuesday night it poured... and none of it was in my kitchen, or in my walls.

Truth is... Basketball season has started for both of the boys which means we'll be busier than ever after 6pm weeknights. Tony has decided to be the assistant coach of Youngest's team. This means that I'll see him even less and that every conversation around the kitchen table will involve lay ups, hypothetical plays, muscle memory, and strategy. It also means that he's taking an interest in the boys activities, supporting them, being a positive role model for them, and giving me a much needed 1.5 hours of time at night to get other things done.

Truth is... the back door of my house is 75 years old, custom sized, and wood. It has duct tape over the cracks to keep the bugs out. Saturday my Dad and Tony are re-framing and installing a new larger fiberglass door with keypad entry.

Truth is... work has been crazy. Really crazy. I am sore. I am tired. I am employed. My paycheck will pay the mortgage, put food in our bellies, and heat our home.

Truth is... We've been running back and forth to the mechanics all week with both cars. Both were minor fixes, and despite the inconvenience, we still have two functioning cars.

Truth is... today is Thanksgiving,

....and I've never been so happy to be in the beautiful mess that I'm in.

(No linky thing this week, but feel free to participate and include your link in the comments)

Beauty And The Beast....

2011-11-20T17:32:00.000-05:00

Behold the fair maiden...

She looks happy now, but in her castle lurks a deep dark secret. There is a beast living down there, feeding off her ~~wallet~~ good will and treacherously guarding some precious secretive ~~square footage~~ territory. But, never fear, this maiden has a plan.

First, she must locate a handsome knight, minus the amour...

Next, she must convince him that defeating the beast will guarantee him rule of the new territory, bat her eyelashes, and promise to leave him in forvever indebted to her graces for years to come. Once ~~she has conned him into~~ he has agreed to his quest, he must locate the beast, deep in the bowels of the fortress...

Then, whilst the Beast lays sleeping and unsuspecting it's demise, he donns his ~~crappiest~~ best ~~sweats~~ amour he wields his mighty ~~saws-all~~ sword. He frees it's claws from the walls it was feeding off for over 75 years. With a mighty shove from his bulging biceps ~~and thankfully not throwing out his back~~ he banishes it to the deepest darkest part of her dungeon, for months on end ~~hoping Beauty forgets all about it~~. Broken from weeks of solitary confinement, the beast surrenders and Beauty is left to drain it's blood, drip by drip. She let the blood steep, releasing all it's poisons and hazardous aromas into the air, until she can ~~convince her~~ ~~neighbor she needs 45 gallons of heating oil~~, prepare the body. There the Beast sits, an empty carcass of what it once was.

Working in pairs, the ancient ritual begins. ~~Similar to cow tipping~~ Beauty pushes the body over and her Knight breaks off it's legs with one swift ~~turn of the wrench~~ move....

Now smaller and able to fit through the ~~basement~~ dungeon door, they ~~argue over~~ work together to determine the quickest way to vacate him from the premises. He They decide on brute force, and push and shove the broken carcass out into the fresh air. The sunlight and weather exposure start decaying the body almost immediately. Left sitting in the lesser traveled parts of the forest, it is time to disembowel the Beast and see what's left inside. Already dead and no longer a threat to ~~explode into flames~~ her, Beauty wields the ~~saws-all~~ sword and with three additional backup swords, the Beast is cut....

Leaving it's insides exposed...

The dismembering process screeches to a halt as the sword begins to smoke from the heat of the still not quite dead Beast. Two days pass as she waits for it's ~~oil sludge~~ guts to settle. Just before dark, she finises the cut, removes the top and reveals the entrails of the Beast that robbed her of so much ~~money~~ every winter. She begins to scrape out it's insides, packaging it neatly for disposal. She tucks it away for ~~the hazardous~~ ~~waste day~~ special transit out of her kingdom. She knows, there is only one thing left to do.

They get the sticks...

They get the matches...

Weenie anyone?

Seriously Fragmented...

2011-11-18T20:59:00.000-05:00

What time is it?

It's time to fragment my brain.

Click the button to visit Mrs. 4444, and fragment yourself as well.

Really, you'll feel better.

~~~~~~

Both kids are supposed to be going to their father's this weekend for their visit. That gives me exactly 3.5 hours to squeeze in the new Twilight movie. And, a whole bucket of popcorn. Fingers crossed!

~~~~~~

I am so tired of Sarah Palin. Doesn't she have something to do, like look at out her kitchen window or something? Really, she needs a full time job.

~~~~~

I just discovered Thundercats is still on TV. It's a bit pathetic that I was so excited about this. Even more so when Oldest decided he'd rather watch the Disney channel. Evidently around here, it's now "Thundercats...NO!"

~~~~~

The chore chips are working out so well I'm thinking about bonus "Dealer Chips" for extra big tasks. Yip. I'm totally riding this wave. I haven't touched the litter box in a week.

~~~~~

Youngest's blog writing experiment has blossomed into a blog for his entire class. He thinks it's pretty cool, but wants to retain his original blog since he picked it all out himself. He also likes the privacy of it, and I must admit, so do I. Writing is an insecurity for him, and I know he'd rather not have everyone in class reading and commenting on it.

~~~~~~

So, provided the weather holds out, the roof's going on on Monday. The backdoor will go in on Saturday. At some point, we will start ripping out the walls of the sun room, removing the insulation, and re-drywalling the walls.

I am so glad I decided against having Thanksgiving here.

~~~~~~

We're borrowing people from other offices this week to get us through the rough patch at work. The other senior substitute carrier is out until December 1st. I'm going in at 7 tomorrow. Yeah. It's gonna be a fun week.

~~~~~~

The outdoor Christmas decorations go up this weekend. I'm actually feeling like I may need some new ones as well, so a trip to Target may be in order. One thing is for sure, if it doesn't go up this weekend, it's not happening. 'Cuz baby, it's cold outside.

~~~~~~

OK.

That seems to be all I have at the moment.

Subject to change, at a seconds notice.

Thundercats....HOoooooo!

Coping With Loss ~ Blogfest For The Golden Sky

2011-11-17T06:46:00.002-05:00

I agreed to participate in the blog fest over at Elisa's place to support her in her book launch, The Golden Sky.   Click the button to learn more about Elisa, Cade and their family, their amazing son Zeke, and her struggle to continue on after he was taken from this Earth way too soon.

The idea is simple. Write a post about how you've coped with loss. Simple right? Not for me. You see, I lost my paternal grandmother 7 years ago, then my grandfather 2 years ago. Both lived in Florida, and while I loved them very much, they weren't part of my everyday. I think of them often, but the loss I felt was not crippling. Both were sick, and had lived well into their 80's. They had had good, long, full lives.

Shortly after, I lost my maternal grandmother, and then suddenly, five months later lost my maternal grandfather. The loss of my grandfather was difficult, but I felt the loss of my grandmother more, as she was very much a part of who I am.  Her passing was the catalyst for starting a blog, recording my everyday thoughts and experiences, so that one day when my time came, my children would really know who their mother was.

Aside from that, I have had very few experiences with death. In high school, the boy who sat in front of me in homeroom came to school drunk.  The administration was unable to be confine him to the school and when confronted, he left. He proceeded to split his car in half via a telephone pole. The line for the funeral service wrapped around the church and spilled out into the parking lot. It was horribly sad, but aside for the empty seat in front of me in home room, my life went on as normal.

About a month later, the boy who sat behind me was in a dirt bike accident. (It was a bad year for the "Fl..." through "Fo..." crowd.) He was paralyzed from the waist down. I remember a lot of his friends being understandably upset, but what I remember most is one of the teachers saying, "I don't know why every one's so devastated. It's not like he died."

But in fact, he did die. The person that he was before the accident no longer existed. He had to redefine himself and adapt to no longer having the use of his legs. He dealt with his loss, by selling his dirt bikes and buying an adapted Porsche. He learned to depend on his friends, and his circle became very tight. With his family vehemently behind him, failure was not an option. His dreams of racing professional motor cross gave way to a BA at Northeastern College, and his determination and perseverance allowed for him to make a great new life for himself. Were there moments when he wanted to give up and drown himself in his loss? Of course. But he pushed through, knowing that he would be stronger on the other side. And in some ways, doing so may have been harder than if the accident had killed him.

In many ways, we have all gone through this. We have all felt great loss of one kind or another. While I love my children more than life, it would be untruthful for me to say that I didn't mourn the loss, however briefly, of having easy children. Children with ASD do not conform to society or learn the conventional way. And while that's my reality, I became a better, stronger person when I learned to redefine my ideas and see things through their eyes. Today, I have experienced so much more of an enriched and fulfilled experience as a mother than I ever thought possible, because of the challenges that came from my absolutely perfect unperfect children.

In fact, I would say that in the last ten years, I have experienced more loss than in the rest of my lifetime. When I married at 20, it was for forever. Divorce was simply not an option. Then, the children came. The pressures of real life changed my husband at the time into someone unrecognizable. Divorce quickly became the only option. And with that, came the death of my hopes of having a traditional family, my ideas of all that could be, and all that never was. I mourned my marriage as if it had died. I went through all the seven stages of grief, each in my own way, and in my own time. It was as if everything I knew and wholeheartedly believed in ceased to exist, yet the ghost (of him) still walked the earth haunting me everyday.

I chose to focus on my children and my health. I thought that if I could be their everything, it could begin to compensate them for the burden of being part of a broken family. I got healthy, both in my body and in my mind.  I reinvented myself, and surrounded myself with only those people who would foster this new, stronger me. I journaled everyday often two and three times a day.  I found those journals a few years later, and I no longer recognized the woman who wrote them. She was so sad, lonely, and undefined.  Shortly after, I threw them away, along with all the anger, disappointment, and loss held within the pages.

I do remember that there was a common phrase written within each entry.

"It will be better tomorrow."

And one day, it was.

Truth Is...

2011-11-15T08:09:00.000-05:00

I know it's Tuesday. I'm participating in a blog fest on Thursday for Elisa's release of her book The Golden Sky. Click her name to go check out the details.

Truth is... The chore chips are working well, but the kids are now fighting over who gets to do what. Oldest even resorted to cleaning the litter box. :)

Truth is... The roofer's coming on Thursday.

Truth is... I'm just hoping the above statement isn't a lie.

Truth is... We are now in full swing of Christmas at the PO and it's making all of us cranky. It's like this every year, but not usually this early. I expect Tony and I won't be speaking by Thanksgiving.

Truth is... My yard looks like I've moved away. Leaves and sticks everywhere, and don't even think about opening the garage. I'm thinking a good clean up is in order.

Truth is... Goal for the week is to finish painting one more wall in the boy's room, finish my post on slaying the beast (I know you all are just dying of anticipation) and to get to the dump.

Truth is... the only free time I have to do this is from 9am to 12pm tomorrow. *sigh*

Truth is... it's your turn! Feel free to link up now or on Thursday, or not at all. Just post something damn it, so I won't think you've gone and fallen off the Earth. It's happening to more and more of 'ya lately, and it's making me quite nervous.

Poker Anyone?

2011-11-13T13:52:00.001-05:00

Lately I have had several genius moments.

You know, those moments when you just stop and say, "Holy (insert favorite word here), that's GENIUS!"

Like the other day, when my friend was complaining that she hated having the litter box in the kitchen and she needed to get a kitty door for downstairs. Wait. Whoa? Yes. A kitty door. So the cat could get into the unfinished area of the basement, do his business in his box, and return to patrolling the house. No odor, no mess, and no gross out factor in the kitchen or bathroom.

I know....GENIUS!

Now, most of my genius moments happen as all genius moments do, in times of supreme irritation. As was this next idea... chore chips.

I have said many times before that I don't believe in allowance. I think there are just some things the kids should do because they are part of the family. However, we do have other small jobs around the house that they can do for set amounts of money that make my life easier and give them the opportunity to make some extra cash. Problem is, they always want to cash in when I am broke. Or, they tell me they've done things and then I find out they didn't do them, or do them as often as they remembered.

So, I took Tony's poker chips Shh, don't tell....

And then printed out some chores on return address labels...

Then I put the labels on the chips, with different colors representing the different values. I took a razor and traced around the inner circle. If you're super crafty and have a circle punch you could use that. But I didn't have one, and really didn't care how perfect they came out...

Then I whipped out the hot glue gun and stuck a magnet on the back of each one. If you're super organized you can pre-heat your glue gun while you're doing the label part. But again, I'm not, so I threw in a load of laundry while I was waiting for it to heat up. Then, I used two old frosting containers for each of the kids to collect their chips. I cut holes in the top and labeled each one with their names.

Then I stuck all the chips on the side of the fridge....

....and explained the rules. When they do a chore, they tell us, and we put the chip in the container. When I have money, I will replace the chip with the allotted amount of cash. Then the chip goes back on the fridge for the next time. There are an equal amount of chores for each, and all chores are up for grabs.

So there ya have it.

Chore chips.

Hopefully things will get done a bit easier around here.

Or, my boys will be well on their way to becoming professional gamblers.

Friday and Saturday....

2011-11-12T20:58:00.000-05:00

Five years ago, on 11/11 Tony and I decided to see if we could turn our solid friendship, into a full on relationship for the third time. As it turned out, clearly, the third time was the charm and here we are five years later, married. One of the key pieces in our third attempt was our once a month date night. Something that we have lost sight of over the last 6 months.

Fully involved in the blur that is October, November, December season, honestly a date night was the last thing on my mind lately.

Me: "So I bought raffle tickets to the school's casino night since we're not going."
Tony: 'Why aren't we going?"
Me: "Because it costs $50."
Tony: "Use the money in the dresser."
Me: *one eyebrow up* "We have money in the dresser??"
Tony: "Yeah. There's a $100 in there."
Me: "Well, we still have no sitter."
*dials phone*
Tony: "We do now. We're going."

~can't argue with that~

So, with sitter in place, we left two hours early to knock out the Christmas shopping as well. And knock it out we did. 8 kids down and only 3 adults to go! We arrived tragically early for the event, bought our event tickets and distributed our raffle tickets strategically over the 40 plus gift baskets up for grabs. Tony made a bee line for the poker table and I gravitated towards blackjack.

It was 7pm. I felt confident that we'd be home by nine.

I. Was. So. Wrong.

Before I knew it, I was doubling down on 11, splitting Aces, and praying the dealer busts with a six showing. I was calculating the 40% odds of a ten showing, in direct ratio to the number of face cards already showing, and learning the hand signals for getting a "hit" and staying. Please, no one get me a book on how to count cards, it could be very, very, bad for me.

I even became a "woo girl"

Gambling is so much fun when it's not real money.

I made $500 in one hand.

Then I gave it to Tony for the poker table, and we both lost our imaginary shirts and pants.

We left around 11pm. We both had a great time, and although we were playing at different tables, had a great time together.

Being the day after a holiday, work on Saturday was brutal. Getting out at 3pm to get Youngest to his rescheduled visit with his father was even more difficult. So as I sat in the parking lot, waiting for the exchange, I was a bit more than irritated when I learned he was not coming. Shortly after this I found out that Oldest was not going out with his Aunt as was also planned.

*sigh*

So, in an effort to reduce the boy's disappointment factor, I suggested that we all go to a favorite restaurant for dinner. Now, as most of you know, the time between sitting down and actually getting your food can be brutal. Over the years we have done many things to pass the time while waiting for the food to arrive. Build houses out of sugar packets. Tic Tac Toe. Color. ~~Poke each other under the table~~. Tonight's favorite activity, hangman.

"MOM I S _ _ A _ T I _ _ _."

Tony: "Come on, you know this, I say it all the time."
Youngest: "Mom is IRRITATED!"

~giggles~

Bring on Sunday.

Truth Is Thursday...

2011-11-10T17:17:00.000-05:00

Truth is... it just occurred to me that today is Thursday.

Truth is... the Wednesday newspapers came for us to deliver on Tuesday. The Thursday grocery fliers came for us to deliver on Wednesday. So in my head, today is Friday.

Truth is... the tree guy still has not scheduled the day to take down the tree in the front yard. The roofer has not given me the day that the back roof will be fixed. My dad hasn't told me the day that the back door will be replaced. What do you want to bet that all three of these things will happen on the same day?

Truth is... Youngest just found about $90 worth of DS games in the couch. Good to see they were money well spent.

Truth is... I bought my first Christmas gift last week. It arrived yesterday... broken.

Truth is... that's all I got. Your turn!

Eleven

2011-11-09T21:37:00.000-05:00

At 3:23 today, I was frantically trying to get back to the office so that I could get home to get your brother off the bus, pick you up, and frost the cake. There were balloons to buy and pizza to order, phone calls to return, and the rest of the everyday stuff that happens on a Wednesday night.

Eleven years ago, this was not the case. While the entire country was waiting on hanging chads and all the emphasis was on "every vote mattering", I was waiting for something else entirely. In fact, I had been waiting for 32 hours. For the last 32 hours I had gone without food, without sleep, and for 22 of those hours, without medication. And then, at 3:23, my wait was over.

7 pounds 6 ounces of wait, perfectly embodied in a rosy pink and purplish baby boy, with wrinkly feet and the sharpest of teeny tiny fingernails. The bruise on your head from your epic battle with my pelvic bone lasted about as long as your slate blue eyes. Over the month, the bruise faded to a perfect complexion, as did your eyes to the deepest shade of chocolate brown.

I was not ready to be a mother.

Yes, I planned you.

Yes, I had every thing covered.

But I had no idea what I was in for.

I have watched you go from learning your letters to writing letters. From typing with one finger to surfing the web with ease. YOU taught me how to cut and paste. You are growing and changing every day right in front of me, weather I like it or not.

You have your own thinking, your own reasoning, your own understanding. Your love of sports amazes me. You can not remember your homework on the kitchen table, but can recall the stats of everyone on your fantasy football team. And how you can focus on not just the football game, but the pre-game and after show is beyond comprehension. But, it works for you and that's what matters.

You dance to your own beat, often the one that is heard only in your own head. You have your own curiosity, and while at times it drives me crazy, please don't ever lose that. It's our curiosity that keeps us growing, learning, and getting better as people every day.

In two short years you will be an official teenager. A cranky, hormonal, whiny teenager. And the older you get, undoubtedly the stupider I will become to you. I know this, and will love you anyway.

You have 7 years left before you are an adult. Seven more years to be a child. Seven years to explore new things, think big thoughts, and make many, many mistakes. Do this as much as you can, because later on all those freedoms you have as a child come with adult responsibilities.

You do not need to worry, I promise to catch you when you fall. I will wrap you in my hugs and always give you a safe place to land, because seriously, I have lots of cushion. But most important, I promise that no matter where you go, or what you do, you can always come home for a snuggle.

I love you buddy.

HaPpY BiRtHdAy!

Tuesday....

2011-11-08T20:28:00.000-05:00

No body died today.

No one was injured.

So already we're off to a better start.

The squirrel seems to have lived, and is most likely planning his revenge.

I have stopped attempting to wrap my head around the events that unfolded yesterday. I can not change it. So, I am focusing on my son who turns 11 tomorrow. The house smells of confectionery delights, there is frosting everywhere, and I am pleased to say I actually made something I saw on Pinterest.

Rainbow cupcakes! (click here for recipe and directions) But we're calling them Tye dye cupcakes, because that's cooler and not as girly.

Whatever. It's still way easier than the Birthday Bugs that he originally wanted....

(picture from here)

Speaking of pinterest, can some one explain this to me? Why do I need an invitation? What am I getting "invited" to? Is this another one of those parties where they invite the dorky girl as the entertainment?

Damn. It's like high school all over again.

Life & Death Monday...

2011-11-07T16:44:00.001-05:00

In my normal routine of scurrying the kids out the door and on to school, I drive slow through the neighborhood, even stopping at the intersections where I don't have a stop sign, to ensure no one comes barrelling out of the side streets as they are known to do, especially pre-coffee. I know this, so I look for it. I was not looking for the squirrel, however.

The poor guy didn't stand a chance.

Zig.

Zag.

Bump.

I felt horrible. I even attempted going back later tonight to retrieve the lifeless body and give it a proper burial, but alas, it seems as nature has set it's own course for our little friend. Be free my squirrely adventurer, and do consider coming back as a different animal in your next life. Preferably one less prone to becoming road kill.

I arrive at work to find the day has been all rearranged for me. A finding I am so happy about, I can't even begin to explain it to you. Then, I hear the reason.

One of the girls at work had a brain aneurysm last night.

Wait. Whoa?

Details were fuzzy this morning, but as the day went on we found she had been out with friends and got a headache. After passing out, they rushed her to the emergency room, where she was then med-flighted to Boston. She had emergency surgery, and is under observation for the next ten days, but God willing, she'll be fine. Had she gone home and gone to bed last night instead of going out, I'd be telling a much different story.

Then they tell me the other part of today's rescheduling. One of my other co-worker's son was murdered. He was involved in a fight, and was stabbed in the heart. He was 23. His mother (my co-worker) is being heavily sedated. No one knows the specifics of what happened, speculation has of course occurred. Rumor is, he and his friends were defending some girls from some other guys, and it went south.

And in the end, it doesn't matter.

Regardless of weather it is death by stupidity, honor, or accident, the loss is the same.

So that's my Monday so far.

I'm making boneless barbecued ribs, potatoes and veggies for dinner. Then, most likely snuggling down with some good TV and a bit of ice cream later, hugging my own boys just a little tighter than normal.

Friday Fragments...

2011-11-04T20:41:00.000-04:00

So I'm linking up with Mrs.4444 over at Half Past Kissing Time with Friday Fragments. But honestly, I'm not sure how fragmented this will be, because I'm ~~a bit~~ anal retentive and have a bit of CDO (it's OCD, but all the letters are in the right order, mkay?)

Anyhoo.... Here we go!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Well, it seems that after I had Sunday off, was out sick on Monday, due to a schedule conflict didn't work on Wednesday, and didn't work on Friday, my shoulder is about back to normal. Since it also seems that I hold all my stress in my shoulders, combining this with continual rotate cuff strain, it's a wonder I had any use of my arm at all. The doctor prescribed more muscle relaxers and a weekly massage for 8 weeks. But we're calling it physical therapy, shhhh.

She also allowed me to add some refined sugar back into the diet to avoid ~~my stabbing someone and~~ ~~winding up on the news~~ total breakdown binging. I can have one Rollo, just not the whole bag. One cup of ice cream, not the entire bowl. Yeah, you get the picture. Even with the binging, I am down another pound (Yeah!) and combined with the metaphormin, I will be ~~ready for swimsuit season~~ healthier in no time.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I had perhaps the best IEP meeting for Youngest this morning. His teacher is no seeing any evidence of the child depicted in the previous year's evaluation, as well as seeing great strides in his classroom temperament. Not to worry, I loudly mentioned that all last year I said that the bulk of the issue was the classroom placement, and that I was told, "No. It has to be something going on at home"

Score : Mom 1, Not-the-Moms 0.

In working on his writing, we are entertaining the use of a blog. A private blog, accessible only to his teacher and myself, where he could write his stories for class and also access them in the classroom for all his assignments. If it goes well, he could use it for his long composition for MCAS (The state mandated testing). Needless to say, he is a bit interested especially since this "computer time" will replace his homework time. It's up and running, we'll see how it goes.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Still haven't heard from the roofer, but I have been eyeing all the things we can do to the sun room when the money comes in. Funny, as I was looking at the wall, I noticed more water stains on the baseboards. After telling Tony about the money and then pointing out the new water damage, he replied "I don't see it, all I see is Disney World."

*sigh*

I must say it is a bit frustrating because it will be unseasonably warm this week and I'd like to get the insulation done. But, if the roof's still leaking, there's no point. I'd also like to rip out the wet drywall, but again no point.

*double sigh*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We're all still fighting the germs here, winter's definitely setting in and I'll be dragging out the winter coats.

Just in time for the 70 degree weather we're promised this week.

Goals for the weekend include finishing sealing the driveway, and successful execution of the beast.

No worries, there's a blog post in there somewhere.

Truth Is Thursday...

2011-11-03T06:20:00.002-04:00

Truth is... I'm really excited about the Muppet invasion. Shuddup. You know you love them too.

Truth is... My monster cookies are hugely deceiving. All you need is a few vampire teeth from the party store, cut in half. Frost the underside of two store bought two inch cookies (mine were from the bakery, but chips ahoy work just fine) with red frosting and sandwich the fangs between the cookies. Then stick two of the same color M&Ms on the top for eyes with icing, and use black icing for the pupils. Lastly, mix up green frosting in a zip lock bag, cut off the corner, and dab and pull the frosting on the back half of the cookie for hair. Easy peesy.

Truth is... simple or not, the kids in Oldest's classroom think I'm the "Mom bomb"

Truth is... the kids in his class thought it was so sad he'd miss out on trick or treat, they brought in candy for him on Tuesday.

Truth is... I got this "financial angel" chain email the other day....

I felt really sad that I had did not have six friends to forward it to ~~that wouldn't hate me for life,~~ pathetic I know, but I forwarded it anyway. Later that day, I checked the status of DOR and child support and turns out he deposited $750. I'll wait while you all pick your jaws up off the floor. Then I found out the roof and sun room water damage was covered under the homeowners insurance without skyrocketing our premiums. The check will be some where to the tune of $3500.

Truth is... I'm now second guessing all those chain emails.

Truth is... I will make more money this week having three days off than if I had gone into work all six days. It's government math, simpler than the "new math" and more confusing than the 9-9-9 plan.

Truth is... It's your turn! Feel free to just link back, or just steal the image as the button's been causing chaos lately. If any one knows how to fix this, please let me know...

Just Another Sick Day....

2011-10-31T16:07:00.000-04:00

Oldest was sick today.

On Halloween.

I know.

Bummer.

So, like any ~~good doting~~ mother ~~with no other choice~~, I called in sick to work. Truthfully, I didn't feel good either. Had he not revisited his day's prior meal choices that morning, I probably would have soldiered on into work.

Anyway...

Faced with the dilemma of having 25 monster cookies ~~that I painstakingly labored over~~ left at home, I packed up Youngest, and with Oldest fast asleep in his bed, headed off to school with Oldest's classroom treats in tow. I live a mile from the school and could walk home in 20 minutes, no need for DCF, thanks. Upon returning home, I attempted to mindlessly engross myself in daytime television, but even with a mindless mindset, it still wasn't entertaining. With my attention turned to laundry, I started the daunting trek up to the pile's summit, which was remarkably high considering Tony had done it all on Saturday while I was at work.

What else did I do?

I hung pictures.

I rearranged furniture in Oldest's bedroom while he worked on a puzzle in bed.

I vacuumed.

I snacked a little.

I picked up the mail.

There was a letter for Tony's ex-wife, who's never lived here.

Two coupon packs, two non-profits, a bill for Tony, and 4 credit card offers.

Now, I'm always looking to see if there is a better offer out there than what I already have so I confess, I do open them. One of the things I've noticed is that more and more credit cards are charging annual fees. As if the interest wasn't enough, they are whacking you once a year with a charge of $65 and up. In truth 2 out of the four were free cards, but I stood stunned in my kitchen when I saw this...

(Click if you're old like me
and can't see the writing.)

Seriously?

$495 a year....

$195 if I allow Tony to use it?

Sorry.

For the second time in my life, I'm rendered speechless.

We don't talk about the first time.

Forgive Me Doctor, For I Have Binged....

2011-10-30T22:07:00.000-04:00

Forgive Me Doctor, For I Have Binged....

25 Monster Cookies For Oldest's Classroom.
(3 trips to the grocery store, and one to Iparty for glow in the dark teeth)

21 GF and Peanut Free Chocolate Covered Apples
For Youngest's Classroom.
(3 additional trips to the grocery store, and one carefully
counted apple bag that when home, appeared to be 3 apples short)

But Who Could Blame Me?

**For all those concerned for my health, yes, I ate some chocolate... but I stayed within my 100 per day carbohydrate limit. I just couldn't let it go to waste....

The Great Pumpkin Post....

2011-10-28T21:41:00.000-04:00

5,000 pumpkins.

2 Boys.

1 Winding Trail.

Enjoy.

Truth Is Thursday...

2011-10-27T07:00:00.002-04:00

Truth is... I had no idea what I had started with my last post, but it has been awesome reading every one's thoughts. And I was so glad that there was no fighting.... 'cuz I don't do tension well.

Truth is... I spent an hour sewing patches onto my son's cub scout uniform, only to find out last night, it was the wrong color shirt. *sigh*

Truth is... I really want to do something with the cub scouts, perhaps the parent Scribe position, so I know what the heck is going on.

Truth is... I have lost five pounds.

Truth is... It's only been 7 days off sugar and caffeine and my hands don't hurt anymore, my cuts are healing up nicely (finally) and I haven't tried to stab any one that didn't deserve it.

Truth is... I went off caffeine by accident. I ran out of Diet Coke, and I don't drink coffee, so after the detox migraine had faded, I figured I might as well quit caffeine too.

Truth is... I've only cheated a little, and only when it fit into my carb count for the day.

Truth is... my niece wore her costume to a Halloween party at dance yesterday. I now have two more jobs pending for hand made Christening gowns. Yippee...

Truth is... Some days it just all comes together. Wednesday was one of those days. Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday, however were not.

Truth is... Payday can't come soon enough. I think we're down to six yogurts, some cocktail weenies, and cereal.

Truth is... it's your turn!

Wordless Wednesday....

2011-10-26T21:30:00.000-04:00

(One of the 5,000 pumpkins at the
Pumpkin Spectacular at Roger Williams Zoo)

Just a Question...

2011-10-24T20:58:00.000-04:00

A few years back a very good friend of mine's son was in third grade. He had this really good friend at school that he wanted to invite to his birthday party. Normally, this is not an issue, however this particular friend was a Jehovah Witness. For those unfamiliar with the religion, the only birthday they celebrate is the birth of Jesus Christ, all other birthdays are not allowed to be recognized or celebrated.

Phone calls were made back and forth with the boy's Mom, and it was agreed that he could be dropped off to play before the party and his mom would pick him up about a half hour before the rest of the guests came. The birthday came and went, and both the boys had a great time. The family was very nice, and the boys remained friends for the rest of the year, but eventually the families lost touch. At one point, the mother had said that they don't have many friends outside of the church, simply because it was difficult to avoid holidays, birthdays, and other things that they just didn't believe in.

Much later in life, one of Tony's family members converted to the Jehovah faith. The rest of her family did not. Her four children were left celebrating their birthday with everyone who loved them, except her. This new way of life for her had made it extremely difficult to be involved with people outside the faith. Even years later, after she had somewhat moved away from the faith, she nearly died on the operating room table during a simple procedure, simply because she would not accept blood, even though, her children were ready and able to donate.

Now, if you have been around here for a while you may remember this post in which I explain that I love all aspects of different religions. I would like to add here that I do not, in any way, shape, or form, consider myself educated on any of them. Just that I'm very curious, and love to hear about different faiths from the people who live them every day.

But the other day as I sat watching Sister Wives, seriously this show is worse than crack for me, I watched the dynamic between Cody Brown and his teenage children. I found it refreshing that while some of the wives are willing to let the children explore their own faiths and their own beliefs, Cody seems shocked to here that they'd accept any other way of life other that his faith, or that of the Mormon church (not to associate the two, but these were the two he mentioned.) I have also seen other shows where they are concerned with their children's level of "purity" for lack of a better word, and wonder if they will stay true to their family's religious beliefs, and what the influence the children of "other" faiths will bring to the table.

At the same time, I was blog surfing, and came upon two posts by two of my favorite pen pals, you know who you are, in which they had been mistreated by people of the Mormon faith, simply because they are living in Utah and are not of the Mormon faith. I was shocked to hear some of the things they have gone through, that their children have gone through, simply because they believe something different. That they had been "exiled" in a way because they thought differently.

So here is my question...

For any of my pen pals that have an extremely strong religious affiliation, do you find it hard to be "real life" friends with people of different faiths? Clearly, you all know what my beliefs are, but provided I was no different than what I am here, would it be hard for you to be friends with me out side of the Internet? It's okay, if you would I'm, as always, just curious.

Okay...

Discuss...

Wiggling Out Of My Own Skin....

2011-10-22T22:04:00.000-04:00

When standing on one's roof, fixing the leaks that are flooding your sun room floor in the hopes that the patches will hold until your contractor can replace the entire roof, the proper way to remove the tools, loose shingle pieces, cans of tar, and push brooms are...

A) Slowly lower the equipment to a helper, safely located on the ground below.

B) Place all tools and debris in a basket or bucket and lower it to the ground via a rope and harness.

C) Hurl each piece individually off the roof onto the lawn, while screaming "CRAP!!!" because you failed to check for children below.

As most of my neighbors will attest, today the answer was C.

It is day three of my low natural carbohydrate, no refined sugar, "new" lifestyle.

In an effort of full disclosure, I feel it also necessary to mention that I have inadvertently also started the "no soda, or caffeine" life style as well.

I know, I'm killing myself slowly.

Being Gluten Free, this means basically a diet of mostly meats, proteins, and veggies. I have done this before and I know that day three is the worst day... ever. It's the day of headaches, jitters, and irrational behavior. So when I came home today with my head spinning and all but spitting pea soup, and Tony finally said "What the hell crawled up that beautiful butt of yours?", I knew it was time to get away.

So I went on the roof.

And I refused to come down.

No, not really, I just couldn't get down until someone held the ladder. But trust me, I saw the twinkle in Youngest's eye when he realized he could leave me up there the entire night.

So while I was on the roof, Tony sealed the driveway. Thankfully, he remembered to not seal around the ladder, although I know he was also tempted to leave me up there all night. I got most of the patches done, and hopefully they will hold for the next few weeks. Because as well all know, as soon as one discovers the leak in the roof, the most wicked of New England nasty weather will fall upon us, testing every product known to Home Depot.

But here's the thing... the excess of work this week at the Post Office has really put a lot of strain on my right shoulder. So, I am not supposed to be doing any repetitive over the head motions with my arm. The roof couldn't wait, and I was able to do most of it with my left arm. I have many more projects to do, all of which involve strenuous shoulder activity. The problem becomes that I am so fidgety, I can't even stand it.

I could watch TV. But that makes me want snacks.

I could cook, but then I'd want to eat it.

I could do laundry...Wait. No. I'm not doing laundry, forget it.

So I sit.

And I wiggle.

And I crank at people.

And I whine.

And I know when I wake up tomorrow it will all be better.

If it's not, for the love of God, someone please shove a cookie in my mouth.

Sugar, Oh...Honey, Honey...

2011-10-21T15:23:00.005-04:00

I have had a long ongoing love affair with sugar. In it's natural state, refined, still in the cane, it doesn't matter. I love it. And if you were to add some of it's sweet deliciousness into say, cake like ingredients, or any type of chocolaty goodness, I am doomed. I have had many a glorious dream of diving head first into the White's bakery cases. My body however, does not. In fact it hates sugar. Even in it's natural found forms of fruits and grains.

And so, the battle begins.

My mind says I can handle just a little bit here and there. I rationalize that I'll balance it out with healthy eating and a little extra exercise, later. Until later is a few months later. Over *cough, cough* 40 pounds later, and my body starts to shut down. My cuts won't heal. My feet and hands tingle all the time and go painfully numb at night. Blurry vision, a buzzing through my veins, and the never ending unquenchable thirst.

Okay body, you win.

No more than 70 carbs a day until the weight comes off.

Until then, do not approach me if I have a fork in hand.

Unless you're looking to get stabbed.

Thank the Lord, my birthday has already come and gone.

Pray for me.

And all those close enough to be within stabbing distance.

Truth Is Thursday...

2011-10-20T07:15:00.001-04:00

Truth is... I totally forgot to post this, so I thought I'd share it today. Enjoy!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ever wonder what you would see if you drive into every neighborhood of a town that's 43 square miles?

No?

Well, then skip this one, because that's what you're getting.

As a mail lady, I have seen many a crazy looking dog... one rottweiler/ golden retriever mix comes to mind. Seriously? I didn't even think the gene pool could mix like that, he looks exactly like a rottweiler but with the longest, shaggiest hair ever. ...as well as some crazy looking people... remember the naked man? (Click here if you don't). Many of these things go unphotographed because, well, I'm working people! I don't have time for clicking pictures all over the place. ~~And the naked guy would probably kill me if the seriously aggressive dog didn't eat me first.~~

But this week, I took my time for 'y'all and snapped a few photos.

As expected, I saw plenty of mailboxes. Some that looked like this...

...and this...

...other's disguised as a cow....

....and other's who's bills need a stern guardian...

But there's other things to see on the mail routes as well. Like attack chickens, angry geese, (Really, Angry Birds have nothing on these guys) and angry horse farmers...

Who really just want us to slow...the...heck....down.

Then there's Rapunzel's castle...

Really. It's a bunch of old stone castles out in the middle of the field. I don't think any one's trapped inside them though, although I do on occasion hear a certain prepubescent boy out there practicing his saxophone, no doubt having been banished there by his parents who have had enough of the squawking and off key melody.

Then there's the really hidden gems, way out in the middle of no where, so lost to civilization that the STOP signs and speed limit signs are aged beyond recognition, yet the decorated paper paper plates nailed to the trees over a 1/4 mile stretch, survive every force of nature known to New England...

Seems B-I-L-L-Y A-N-D S-U-E really wanted to wish their Mother a happy birthday.

Some times I have to go down unexpected streets, normally not traveled, to deliver packages. On one such occasion I found this...

I have to report that I am no closer to finding house number #114 as I am Babylon.

And of course, when you are really, really out in the back woods, there is always some idiot who dumps a mattress off the back of their truck in the dead of the night, leaving the locals to clean up the mess. In doubt, these owners decided to recycle it...

Because nothing screams ~~"Look at me I'm white trash"~~ team spirit like an old 1970's flowered mattress graced with a giant "B".

I also found the best use for recycling old wine bottles ever...

See the fence around the flower garden? It's upside down wine bottles. Just don't get too close with the lawn mower. I sure home the Mother is home from Rehab by now...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And now... Truth is... It's your turn! Write your post and link up!

Wordless Wednesday....

2011-10-19T15:44:00.000-04:00

37 Never Tasted So Good....

Always The Flower Girl...

2011-10-18T15:47:00.001-04:00

...Never the bride.

Except for Halloween.

Now, I have no problem saying "No" ~~and "No way in Hell", laughing in her face, and telling her she's crazy~~ to my sister. My niece, however, is a totally different story. So when she wanted to be a bride for Halloween, and then told every one she knew that her Auntie was making her gown, well... what can I say.

My kitchen table was covered in tulle and lace for two days, but it's finally done.

And what bride's big day would be complete without a veil?

The verdict is still out on my boys choices of costumes this year.

But I have to be honest, if I can get them to stay home this year, I'll gladly buy them a big 'ol bag of candy.

I just don't know if I have two more costumes in me.

Still Going Postal...

2011-10-17T20:22:00.000-04:00

So, real life has once again trumped my writing abilities. Work has been crazy, the roof's leaking in the sun room, and Halloween costumes are waiting to be made. I am trying to catch up a little at a time, so bear with me, OR leave me a comment and I'll come by and visit, mkay?

Lately, I have been inhaling more than my share of the recommended allowance of mail truck exhaust, and I have two stories to share from this past week. First, I had a certified for a house on the regular route I do. Having been down this shared driveway many, many, many, times, I know they are never home during the day. I toyed with just throwing the slip in the box and rolling along, but then my conscious got the best of me, and off down the drive way I went.

Upon reaching the house I had past at least 5 PRIVATE PROPERTY signs. Turning into the driveway, I see a car parked up on the lawn and three people sitting on the picnic table, casually enjoying their lunch. Happy that I stopped, I exited the mail truck and approached the people so they could sign for their certified.

Except, it wasn't their certified.

In fact, it wasn't their house.

They were Canadian tourists, stopped for a rest, with their car parked on the LAWN, eating lunch on some one's picnic table, a half mile back in the woods.

REALLY?

Who does that?

The second story is more of a revelation I had this last week. Being an eternal substitute carrier, I work on many different routes around town. 27 in total, but for the most part I rotate between about 10 on a regular basis. There is this one man named John who gets mail at 5 house on various mail routes. He is a nice man, in his mid forties, and in one of these houses (the one next door to the day care center they also own) is a Mrs. John. Now these are not little cottages either. These are homes that range from $380-$600K homes, with multiple floors, bedrooms, and beautiful kitchens in the ones I've seen anyway.

The rest of these homes have other last names residing in these homes. All female, and all with young children. Most of them attend the day care that Mrs. John owns.

Now one could think that he could be a land lord.

Or that he dabbles in real estate.

But no, not me.

A decade of postal experience, a bizarre obsession with TLC, and an abundance amount of toxic mail truck fumes and I could only come to one brilliant conclusion....

John has sister wives.

Real ones.... right here in my little old town.

Shut up. Don't tell me No... it's much more fun to live in my partial crazy postal brain. K?

And that's all I have for today. I will hopefully be back tomorrow with some random pictures. Brainless, easy pictures.... with not a lot of words.

Because that's where I'm at lately.

All Put Together...

2011-10-16T08:16:00.000-04:00

I started Youngest in cub scouts this year. I figured it was about time to teach him how to ~~set all his evil maniacal schemes~~ create all of his genius style inventions and utilize them with practical applications. It would also be nice if he learned how to not burn the house down.

Anyway, I didn't want to be that parent. You know, the one who drops their kid and runs for the hills screaming "Hallelujah!!!!" for the hour of free time on a Friday night. No. I decided to sit it out and stay with the other mothers in one of the upper hallways of the school.

So there I sat, with four other mothers, casually telling their younger children "No running in the halls", and "No jumping with the lolly pop in your mouth...you silly goose." There was no eye rolling, no screaming at the top of their lungs, no deep OH-MY-GOD-I-AM-SO-TIRED sigh. Seriously? Are these women for real? Just calm words, endless patience, and casual conversation. It was 8:30 at night. On a Friday. Really?

Then I started to notice they all had makeup on, and their hair was neatly done. One was even wearing a cute jean skirt and some fabulous boots. They all sat there, chit chatting about volunteering in the classroom earlier in the week, the Fall Ball Little League double headers they had just come from, and what they made for dinner this week. Real meals. None of this Mac-n-Cheese and hot dog business.

As I sat there, in all my baggy shorts and T-shirt glory, still having the vague sent of mail truck, I couldn't help but think, "How are these women so put together? They make it appear so easy. What the hell am I doing wrong? Holy Heck, my kids really are that bad."

I really wanted to be like these women.

I wanted someone to look at me and say "Wow, she really can do it all... and look fabulous at any time of day."

Discouraged, I decided to walk down to where the cub scout meeting was being held since it was almost time to leave. I walked into the school cafeteria to find 6 boys completely involved in the after meeting activity. The activity involved kick balls, some random targets, and a large area of open space. It was loud. It was crazy. It was completely out of control.

And then all at once, the scout master raised his two fingers in the air. No yelling. No eye contact. Just walked into the middle of the game with his two fingers in the air.

And the kids stopped.

They also put their two fingers into the air.

They put the balls away.

They found their parents wand went home.

I sat their stunned.

Forget about being like those women.

I want to be that dude with his magical fingers of power.

Truth Is Thursday...

2011-10-13T06:51:00.001-04:00

Truth is... my house has been invaded with gnats. I have no idea where they're coming from, the house was top-to-bottom cleaned on Monday and we haven't eaten bananas in weeks.

Truth is... my friend emailed me this the other day...

...and after I was done laughing, I continued to spend a few more hours on the computer.

Truth is... I am still depressed. Not over anything in particular, just can't seem to shake it. AND we're due for rain the next two days. Joy.

Truth is... when I talk to Tony about it, he tries to fix it. There's nothing to fix mind you, but he's still trying. He's making me crazy.

Truth is... every time I have a cough or a tickle in my throat, when I Google it, it becomes a tumor. Case in point, I saw this show on Chronicle last night....

Chronicle Wednesday: HPV - Video - WCVB Boston

...and now I'm convinced that this virus is lurking inside me somewhere just waiting to kill me.

Truth is... my big birthday plans involve baking a cake. That's it.

Truth is... I was playing with my three year old nephew the other night and sadly, I can't remember having that much fun with my own kids. Sometimes I wish I could go back and do it all again. (With my kids, not additional kids... just to be clear.)

Truth is... I believe the majority of this post may have been brought to you by the letters P. M. & S.

Truth is... it's your turn! Grab the link on the sidebar, and join in! But don't forget to come back and link up..

Completely Random Tuesday...

2011-10-11T07:19:00.000-04:00

Even my snacks knew I needed a little love.

It's a whole new meaning to "comfort food".

This balloon's from our wedding on the 26th of AUGUST.

Seriously thinking I got my money's worth at the dollar store.

We're taking bets on how long it will stay up.

Anybody want in on that action?

Damn.

And I really wanted to "Ride The Skittles Rainbow".

Well, that's one way to get him to stop talking.

It's a good thing we caught this one by the feet.

It would have been a seriously quiet ride home.

For once I'm participating in Stacy's Random Thoughts Tuesdays... ON TUESDAY!

Go on, check her out...

I'll still be here, slaying' the beast.

But that's a post for another day.

October Sunday...

2011-10-09T21:25:00.000-04:00

Today was the Sunday I planned Oldest's "almost" birthday party. We'd invite up to 2 friends to go with us to Six Flags for the day. Four friends later, his friend from school arrived at 9am for our journey west. I'm not going to lie, only having one child available to go meant less craziness, less cost, and less begging to borrow a minivan for the trek.

By 930 we were off. Three hours later we arrived, big eyed and ready to tackle all the rides that wouldn't make us throw up. We quickly discovered that Oldest's friend does not like roller coasters. Or heights. Or anything that moves too fast. Lovely. Several meltdowns, five rides, and a lot of ice cream later, it was clear they'd had enough. Armed with three bags of cotton candy for the ride home, we began out 3 hour trek back just in time to see the second half of the Patriots game.

Exhausted, Tony's butt planted firmly into his a$$ groove in the couch, it becomes clear that I'm not going anywhere. Phone calls are made and we are +1 in the boy count for the evening. I began making dinner. Sitting outside, I began grilling burgers, listening to the crickets, and watching the sun go down. It was so relaxing. The perfect end to the day.

Youngest appears at the doorway...

"Hey. Can I come out?"
"Sure"
"It's so peaceful out here at night."
"Yeah, and if you listen careful, one of the neighbors over there has a band playing at their cookout."
"Oh yeah.... Hey, I have a talent that could help save my life someday."
"And what talent is that?"
"I can annoy people so much that they leave me alone."
"Awesome"
"You know what else would be awesome?"
"What?"
"If I had a light up basketball hoop. I have a glow in the dark basketball, but that way I could play at midnight."
"Really?"
"Yup."
"Interesting."

"Burgers are done"
"No cheese on mine please."
"Okay"
"Can I have a friend over tomorrow?"
"Sure buddy. The more kids the better."

I Love Sundays in October.

And, I think I'll love Monday too.

Random Picture Post.....

2011-10-07T18:10:00.000-04:00

I didn't even work today and my brain is mush, so I thought I'd treat you all to some random photos of my day.

This is Bob...

Some of you may remember him from last year. Because every year about this time, my children prove to me that they produce enough chaos and noise to wake the dead.
This year they also awoke Sheldon...

Although he actually made it all the way out of the ground, and now scares me every time I walk by the back door.

The weather here in New England is making me crazy. There was frost on my windows this morning at 34 degrees, by noon it was in the upper 60's and by 2pm, the heat kicked on in the house because all the windows were open.

Tomorrow, it's supposed to be 80 degrees.

And when my flowers look like this still...

It's hard to convince me that the bulbs need to be dug up and taken in.

Busy weekend ahead.

With hopefully, a whole lot more blog fodder.

Seriously.

Waking the dead is about as exciting as it's been around here all week.

Truth Is Thursday...

2011-10-06T04:13:00.003-04:00

Truth is... I've been a bit depressed lately. Not sure why exactly, and it's not worth concerning yourself over. Because, if you've been here a while, you know that my mood swings more on this blog than a manic on a triple loop roller coaster.

Truth is... I feel like my feet are running, but I can't seem to hit the floor. Lots of energy out, not a lot coming back in.

Truth is... we are celebrating Oldest's birthday early this year, on Sunday. Here's hoping I survive. Or it at least provides some good blog fodder.

Truth is... I read this yesterday and thought it was the best thing ever! Go ahead, look, I'll wait. Serously! A countdown to brithdays! Brilliant!

Truth is... MY birthday is in two weeks. And for the first time in my life, I don't want to do anything. Nothing. Zip. Zero. Nada. I told someone at work that I was almost 37... the words tasted really bitter as they rolled off my tongue.

Truth is... I "couponed" my way into a free extra large bottle of Tide laundry detergent this week. It's sad how thrilled I was about this.

Truth is... Seems DOR has investigated my ex-husband's source of income. There isn't one. Which means my hopes of seeing another dime or any of the back support, is again... non-existent.

Truth is... I'm hoping the three-day-two-day weekend improves my mood. The upcoming 80 degree weather is a good start.

Truth is... It's your turn! Grab a button, write out your "truths" and link up!

The Wheels On The Car Go Round-n-Round...

2011-10-05T20:12:00.000-04:00

Cars for me have always had a utilitarian purpose. As long as the car goes from point A to point B, and points 2, c, Da, 3.7, Y, Z, and home again, it makes for a very happy me. My first car was a Renault Encore, bought for $500. We dropped a new engine in it, and at 16, I was the first of my friends to have a car.

When I went off to college, the car went off to my cousin, and I elected to ride the T. As a student living in Boston, there was simply no need for a car. And, quite frankly, no way to justify the cost of insuring a vehicle in the city AND paying for a yearly parking space outside my easily accessible by three T-line apartment building.

When I moved to Florida, I acquired a Mercury Sable, purely because I needed a car fast, and this was the only one on the lot that I could afford. With marriage brought many other cars ~~purely to satisfy the ex-hole's~~ ~~need for the newest biggest and better truck,~~ including an F150 and a Ranger. Before children, I also briefly owned a '76 corvette in deep coral blue, although my "husband" deemed it not appropriate for me to drive until it was fully restored. As with most things he started and never finished, the car was later acquired by a co-worker never to be seen again.

When we moved home, I again, needed a car. And so I bought, again, the first thing available, an Olds Cutlass. Sexy, No? When it became clear that that vehicle was no longer safe to drive, I bought my very first car off the lot. All. By. Myself.

A Subaru Forester, in forest green.

It was beautiful. Bought purely on color alone. ~~And a multitude of conversations with my mechanic, and extensive examination of the bank account to ensure I could make the payments.~~ I drove that car for 6 years. I loved it, but the time had come. Again, I bought the car I needed for work, an older Saturn station wagon with right hand drive. It has it's good points, although the original purpose of buying it for mail delivery is no longer necessary since we now have a full fleet of mail trucks within our office, it also has it's bad points. It's very low to the ground, has virtually no head room, and worst of all, no radio. Well, it had a radio, just not one that works.

Ironic, isn't it? I work 48 to 57 hours a week, drive 4 to 5 hours a day, and can not justify spending $300 on a new radio. And before all you wonderful people out there start saying "Hello Tony! Perfect Birthday idea!". Don't. Quite simply, I don't want to put any more money into this car than necessary. It has no payment, and when her time comes, I'll be trading her in for a minivan ~~from Hell~~.

So while the car still gets from A to B, it's a quiet ride.

A very quiet ride.

Peaceful even.

Until I pick up the kids.

Things I've Been Meaning To Do...

2011-10-03T21:32:00.000-04:00

~ October Edition ~

Because there's so much to do, I have to category it by months....

...and then delegate it to the voices in my head.

Lazy Mom has her link up for any of you who want to join up with your virtual To-do lists. Last month I was so lazy that by the time I linked up, the posting was closed. So this month, I'm getting in on the action early so I can join in on the ~~pointing and laughing at everyone else's laziness~~ fun.

And before you even ask, there's no pictures becasue I'm a slacker like that.

So without further ado...

Things I've Been Meaning To Do...

Finish at least one wall of the two remaining walls in Oldest's bedroom. It's half stripped, I just can't seem to get my butt in gear to tape the joints and fix the holes.

Put the moulding around Youngest's window.

Transfer our heating oil into my neighbor's tank. It's 45 gallons of oil, too much for me to dispose of, and not enough for a company to buy back. So, my neighbor has graciously agreed to take it off my hands. This involves running a siphon from our container to hers, filtering it along the way. And who will be doing this? Me. Because nothing says "woman's work" like setting up a gravity feed drip line between oil tanks.

Figure out how it is that the laundry that was completely done earlier in the week, has yet again managed to climb it's way back up the laundry chute, through two levels of the house.

Change the boys sheets.

Which inevitably will lead to more laundry.

And more conquering of the laundry "situation".

Check back with DOR on the child support "riddle wrapped in enigma".

(I'll keep you posted. But if I suddenly post from Europe or Hawaii, you'll know it went well.)

Really, really clean the bathroom.

(Fair warning, you're welcome to visit, but pee before you come.

Seriously, I live with four boys.)

Check the levels on the propane tank, since it's supposed to get down to 32 degrees tomorrow.

Clip and organize the growing pile of coupons on the kitchen counter. I really need to get back to this, we are spending WAY too much money on groceries.

Create a weekly meal plan for dinner that does not involve using "Cereal" or "Fend For Yourselves" more than once in a week.

Well, that's all I've got. Happy to report that nothing is a repeat of last month's list, so clearly ~~advertising that I'm not as productive as I need to be~~ some thing's working. Feel free to pop on over to Lazy Mom's and post your list.

Come on!

It's more fun when we point and laugh together.

What's Up, Buttercup?

2011-10-02T19:39:00.001-04:00

Honestly, not a hell of a lot.

Which is good.

I like it that way.

Fall seems to have come to New England, and my blog. Until I can come up with a new stamp that strikes my fancy, y'all are stuck with the fall foliage. Seems that Fall has also come fast and fierce to my yard, which now looks much like a vacant house. The yard's a mess, and the front Maple has left it's leaves everywhere. I was actually thrilled by the sight of falling leaves, as I have a project I've been saving since last year that involves acorns. My hopes were dashed however, as the back Oak's holding onto it's nuts for dear life.

*sigh*

A party seems to have been brewing in my belly all week. By Friday, someone had clearly called the cops and had the patty wagon sent out. As all the occupants of my stomach decided to beat a hasty exit, my weekend was off to a fantastic start. The enormous excitement resulted in my going to bed at 8:32 PM, exactly two minutes after the boys. I don't even remember Tony coming to bed.

Saturday wasn't much better, and after working a full shift, I came home to a full house of couch potatoes. Being the party animal I am, I was in bed by 9:30. I woke a few times, vaguely to respond to one son's face over my bed, and again when Tony came in. I have never been a great sleeper, and often wake several times for general thoughts that run through my head, or a snoring fit turned to choking.

Come morning I couldn't tell you why Oldest was sleeping on the couch, why Bonus Brother's door was left open all night, or why I could remember that at one point in the night, I thought it would be a good idea to have our family Christmas cards done today. But I did.

What was I thinking?

Four boys.

Coordinated outfits.

Sears.

Lord help us all.

After a half hour, we finally emerged with one really good picture of all of us.

Well, one really good picture of four of us.

My hair has had better days,

as I had ripped most of it out.

Truth Is Thursday...

2011-09-29T03:16:00.004-04:00

Truth is... I made a button! Lord only knows if it will work. But if you're so inclined, you can grab the code off my side bar (just under my pen pals) and include it in your own Truth is.... post! Yeah!

Truth is... I planned to sit on my butt Tuesday and eat pudding. I didn't. I ate Doritos and they were delicious.

Truth is... I actually got some things done around the house that needed to get done. Don't hate. They'd been driving me crazy, and I actually feel good that they are partially accomplished. I say partially because when I didn't feel like dong them anymore, I stopped. Aren't you proud of me? I'll finish up later when Tony's around to help me... and when I feel like it.

Truth is... I cut my hair short. Like jawline short. I like it, but I can't seem to find it's style yet.

Truth is... I'm not missing much on TV while I'm at work. There is nothing good on during the day.

Truth is... I'm so excited to have a nice weekend this weekend. Here's hoping Tony and I can get out an clean up the yard. ~~So the kids can jump in the giant piles of leaves and mess it all back up again.~~

Truth is.. I'm very stressed about money right now. Don't know why, it happens every year about this time. It couldn't possibly be the onset of the Holidays, the heating bills, Oldest's birthday, or the seasonal lack of hours at work?

Truth is... It's your turn! Write your post and link up!

Heard 'Round The Dinner Table...

2011-09-28T00:16:00.004-04:00

Youngest's latest creation...

Close up of right lower hand corner...

The dinner table was strewn with home work last night. Among the books and papers were completed assignments and some art projects.

Oldest: "What's this?"

Youngest: "It's my drawing of a unicorn. But it didn't come out so good, so I won't be drawing any more."

Oldest: "Good. Because unicorns are for girls."

Youngest: "WHAT?!?! This unicorn shoots rainbows from it's horn, flies at lightning speed, and farts flames."

*giggles* Me: "No fairy dusted boogers?"

Youngest: "No. No fairy dust. Just laser rainbows."

Oldest: "Yeah. Fairy dust is for girls."

Too Tired To Random....

2011-09-27T09:08:00.002-04:00

Me: "Did the check engine light come on in your car again?"
Him: "Yeah."
Me: "So do you want me to take it to the mechanics to get it fixed tomorrow?"
Him: "It's up to you. If you want to, then fine. If you don't, then I'll get it done at some point."
Me: "At some point like when?"
Him: "I don't know. But if you don't want to do it, then I'll figure it out."

Truth is... I really don't have an issue saying "no". Heck. Sometimes it comes out as a roaring laugh, with a "Hell, NO!". And while I love that all of you can sympathize and would pass the tissues to me in the car, Simply Suthern had it exactly right...

"While it is nice they know and appreciate what you do, you don't do it for that. You do it cause it needs doing. You will find the energy to do more. Its who you are."

Truer words have never been said. I will eventually get Tony's sticker for his car, simply because it needs to be done. But not today.

Today I will finish moving money from bank to bank so the mortgage can get paid tomorrow.

Today I will mail out the paperwork for both Youngest and Oldest so they can play basketball this year.

Today, I will sit on my butt and eat pudding.

Today I will play on the computer and attempt to write a post that consists of something other than my whining.

Maybe take in the Nate Berkus show. Who knew he had a whole show? Certainly not me...

I might even pat the cat. Which is not a euphemism for anything... I really have a cat, his name is Chewey, and he'll tell you he never gets enough attention.

At some point I may take a nap. Most likely when Youngest arrives home from school waking me from my slumber with the gentle sounds of slamming the door and screaming "MA I'M HOME!"

Now despite the lack of aspirations for the day, I am not trying to slow down or rejuvenate myself for the next big challenge. Nope.

That's just crazy talk.

I am just tired.

And, all the laundry's done.

The Frosting On My Pop Tarts...

2011-09-26T12:18:00.000-04:00

recipe from here...

Living Gluten Free is hard.

Not as hard as what it was when we started in 2007, but still difficult none the less. And, even with the abundance of gluten free foods coming on the market, and the awareness of the communities, finding it is often difficult. Case in point: Fenway Park has an entire stand of Gluten Free hot dogs WITH buns and beer at Gate C. We had tickets that entered us through Gate D and Gate E. So, we never knew.

Anyway... once you get used to it, it's not so bad. As an adult, I know there are just somethings I can not have. As a child, this is a harder concept to learn. Especially when you know the yummy-ness of Eggo waffles, Pop Tarts, and Cheeze-its. Eventually, Youngest and I have learned to adapt. The flour container has been replaced with a Gluten Free blend, right next to the Xanthan Gum, a substance I never knew existed before 2007. Gone are the days of plain old white bread and pre-made Uncrustables, shoved aside for Udi's sandwich breads, and peanut butter on a GF bagel. More effort needs to be made to ensure a safe lunch for Youngest, like when I replace the crackers in a Lunchable, seal it all back up, and put it back in the box like it never even happened. This way, he can be like all the other kids on his field trip, and still not get sick.

The absence of wheat has eliminated most of the pre-packaged meals. This has brought on many new baking adventures in our home. Some have gone well, and others, um, not so well. I have tried most of the mixes and pastas on the market. Duncan Hinds and Tinkyada Pasta have become staples in my home. All birthday cakes now come from my kitchen, all pizzas created and cooked in my oven.

But still there are things we miss.

One of these things are Cheeze-its.

But not anymore.

I found this blog... Adventures Of A Gluten Free Mom... who has the best recipe for Cheeze-its and goldfish crackers ever....

Made with only a few basic ingredients, they took me only 30 minutes from start to finish. The batch even makes more than just a handful so there's left overs for Youngest to take to school for snack.

He even got in on the action with the small cookie cutters....

Because in today's world, why does everything need to be square?

A Mother's Eternal Question...

2011-09-25T14:52:00.000-04:00

I know am appreciated.

I know I am loved.

I really, really, do. I get it.

I am the sun in my children's universe. If I were not here, yes, their world would keep spinning, but it would be all skewed and off-kilter like. Not like it is currently, straight up and down, revolving at the precise times and angles.

I am the penny to Tony's wishing well, the music to his lyrics, the cheese to his macaroni. Without me his life would be incomplete, boring, and just plain old pasta.

I am the frosting on their Pop Tarts.

The super glue and might putty of their home improvement.

The duct tape of all things broken.

I am awesome. I know this.

But in the last month, I have spent hours on the computer loading old photos into digital frames. I have loaded 1273 pictures into photo programs to make scrapbooks for the digitally challenged. I've done somewhere in the neighborhood of 37 loads of laundry, washed countless dishes, and made Pop Tarts, donuts, and Cheese-its from scratch.

I spent 8 hours of my day off attempting to get an emissions sticker for a car.

I have bought 4 birthday presents, smiled my way through parties that I didn't want to attend, and gladly threw a party with only 12 hours notice.

I have worked hard to ensure that everyone could get the best possible outcome at work during the National Count, so much so, that I lost sleep, and worked some time for free. In some cases I worked harder than the person for which their paycheck depended on it.

I have cared for a cat I no longer have the energy for, and who wasn't mine in the first place.

I have entertained way too many 10 year old boys.

I have spent many nights in tears, simply out of sheer exhaustion. Only to rest my head and discover I can not sleep.

I have listened to hours of stories, the same ones...over and over, letting friends unload the burdens they choose to bear.

I will go to four hours of "meet the teacher" nights, even though my sons have been attending this school for the last 5/6 years and I already know the staff and teachers. I have spent hours more on paperwork for schools, doctors, and after school programs, signing off waivers that protect every one's butt except my own.

And somewhere in the middle, I got a hair cut.

Now, don't get me wrong, there is nothing Tony wouldn't do for me if I asked him. He has helped me with many of these things, and often asks what he can do to help me out more. It is often his help that allows me to pull off much of what I do. He appreciates all I do because he not only says it, he shows it. My boys do as well, and although they complain, for the most part, they also do whatever I ask. My friends love me, at least they appear to by their rousing opposition to my leaving Face Book. My sister will help out whenever she can, and my Mother has always been there for me... What? You didn't think I reached this level of awesomeness by myself did you?

This is who I am. I do for others. It's my choice and I'm good with it. But sometimes, especially lately, it feels as if I just don't have any more to give. And what's worse, I have no idea what I could eliminate to not feel this way, nor am I able to replenish myself when my well runs dry. So, inevitably I end up in traffic fully emerged in the ugly cry, with the same question running through my head in an endless loop...

Would they have done any of this for themselves?

Or, more importantly,

Is there any one person among them that would have done all of this for me?

Doodling...

2011-09-24T18:38:00.000-04:00

So my husband left me.

And my father told him to do it.

Really.

I mean I get my father, he's been married almost 40 years, but really??? it's not even been a month yet.

And even worse, he left me for another man... Jeff Gordon.

Don't worry though, he'll come crawling home just as soon as the race is over.

So, in the mean time, ~~I decided to abandon all things domestic for the weekend~~, take the kids out to dinner. We are big fans of Red Robin, mainly because they have a very accommodating Gluten Free menu, and I must say I was an even bigger fan when I realized they had FINALLY changed the children's menu.

So as Youngest and I were discussing the many fine attributes of bacon and potato skin appetizers, Oldest was busy finding words, racing through the maze, and making as many colors as he could with his three given crayons. At one point he asked me for a pen, and that's when I noticed they had added a "What would you look like if you were an alien?" box. This is what he drew...

I asked him why he only had one eye and he simply said that "Plankton was awesome." A Sponge Bob reference, I assume. And that thing in his hand? A pizza cutter... we'll get to that in a moment. Anyway... So I decided to draw what I would look like as an alien...

See my six arms of multi tasking? Awesome, no? I am very round to increase my floating abilities, and have a cape because they are all the rage right now on Neptune. Evidently, even in my alien form I still can't afford Lasik. *sigh*

So then Youngest decided to draw himself as an alien...

He's a pizza alien. This is really exciting, and deserves a Woooo!!! Those squares on his chest are bacon badges. I believe he has spatulas for hands. Then he gave himself a pet...

Yes, that's a pizza skin appetizer pet. (I think he was really hungry.) Then he drew his brother...

He's a cheesy hot dog alien. Apparently, he's also a nerd. See the giant X on his body? Pizza alien decided there was no room for a cheesy hot dog on his planet, and he cooked him with a blow torch. This prompted Oldest to then retaliate against the pizza alien using the deadliest of all weapons, the pizza cutter....

He wielded his cutter and beat him up pretty good. I think he even ate some of his bacon badges. Then he fell to the planet's floor with a thud...

That pool around him? That's pizza guts.

Lovely.

So the whole time I was thinking, "I wonder if this could qualify as my doodles for Mynx's contest?"

What? Did you think I was going to say something maternal?

No. I've accepted the fact that I'm raising serial killers.

Or cereal killers....

Because if given the opportunity, I know my boys could kick some serious KIXs and creatively acquire all the Lucky charms from that crazy leprechaun.

And don't even get me started on the Trix rabbit...

Where I'm From...

2011-09-23T07:35:00.000-04:00

original picture from here

I am from...

Cabbage Patch Kids,

Light Brite, mud pies,

and "The Banana Splits".

From summers on the Cape,

kite flying in the Pine Grove,

and Sesame Street all year long.

From bright red towering Japanese maples,

burnt orange and gold leaves of fall,

and bright pinks of Christmas cactus.

I am from flying airplanes,

sewing clothes,

nature hikes,

and writing prose.

From stubborn over thinking,

taking care of it all,

bearing the burden with a smile,

Never allowing myself to fall.

From "You'll shoot your eye out kid",

and "Digging for dinosaurs",

doing "What a girl's got to do",

and "It doesn't get any better than this".

I am from proof that God does not

make you climb the mountain,

just to throw you off the cliff.

From Prince spaghetti night,

Monday meatloaf, Thanksgiving turkey soup,

Hickory Farms beef-stick -n- cheese,

oatmeal butterscotch cookies,

and Jello pudding pops.

From doing it the hard way,

and learning from my mistakes.

being the pioneer of all things grown up,

and being stronger from it.

I am from silly giggles,

sleeping in the middle,

ice cream for dinner,

and family movie night.

From holding hands,

To teaching hands,

To holding back,

and letting go.

*This was a writing prompt from here that I Wasn't Blogged Yesterday had shared this week. I think it may just have been what I needed to break me from my funk. Thanks Bern!

Truth Is Thursday...

2011-09-22T03:36:00.001-04:00

Truth is... I feel like I have this fantastic post inside me that just can't make it's way out. Or... it could be gas. At my age, you just never know.

Truth is... I finally got around to writing the neuropsych letter for Youngest. It's only been since, um, June.

Truth is... I did make two runs to the dump yesterday. During which I ripped my pants. And by ripped my pants, I mean tore out the entire butt, nothing left but a billboard of blue flowered panties for the whole world to see. And these weren't even my tight jeans.

Truth is... I am actually proud of how much I didn't get done yesterday.

Truth is... as it happens, my laptop battery was on the HP fire hazard recall list. Again, been meaning to do that since May. Seems these batteries get so hot, they burst into flames. I am happy to report that I did not find this out the hard way.

Truth is... I've decided that the kids don't not appreciate me. It's just that they would wear the clothes for six months claiming that they weren't dirty, and therefore don't need to be washed. Same as the bathroom floor, the dishes, and their room. So, since they don't see it, they don't realize it's been done. It's pre-teen logic.

Truth is... I found out last night that Youngest's best friend may be moving around the corner (like 17 houses away) from us. They could ride their bikes to each other's homes without even going near the main streets! I can barely control my excitement!

Truth is... I've got nothing left... you're turn!

Write your truths, and link up!