The Voice In My Head...

If it's one thing I have learned completely the hard way, it's that most often, had I listened to that teeny tiny voice inside my head, I would have been so much better off.  Like right now, I'm clearly involving myself in the task of writing this post, but that little voice is telling me to go check the mushroom risotto because I will be pissed if it gets ruined.

For 10 years I had wanted to go on a cruise in the Mediterranean.  But as the date approached, I thought it might not be so safe to float around in the middle of the Sea. (Enter ISIS, the wars with the Middle East, and the whole unrest thing.) Instead I decided to take a quick trip to Bermuda for my birthday weekend, but the voice said "Don't book just yet." (Enter MASSIVE hurricane), the plan then turned to a pumpkin festival that I've always wanted to go to and again, the voice said waiiiitttt.... (Enter college riots and flaming cars.) And we all know how that weekend ended, with a week long hospital stay and the voice in my head saying "Told ya so."

The battles with Youngest seems to have settled a bit.  Maybe it's the sunshine and lack of three day snow cycle.  Maybe it's the change in curriculum that has peaked his interest once again in his school day. Maybe he's just setting me up for something bigger later on.  Or, maybe it's that I finally listened to the voice that said "pick your battles" and "he'll eat when he's hungry."  Maybe it's that approach that's taken all the fun out of making me crazy. Either way, he's managed to turn his Science F into a B+ and his Math 39 into a 68.  There's no giant battle to get him to bed when I let him stay up just a half hour more. He still thinks I'm an annoying dork, but I'm taking what I can get.

My voice said to stick my ground when he wanted a knife necklace for his birthday.  And when he complained that it was the only thing he wanted in front of all his friends and "what kind of mother won't buy her son a knife that they could wear as a necklace?", the little voice inside me gave props and mental high fives to all the other moms when every kid in the car replied, "Mine."

My mouth said "Yes", when asked to look into filing grievances for the office.  The voice in my head says "Don't do it all for them, find out what you need to know, and then walk away."  The upfront me will coordinate epic Scout camp outs that are different and crazy fun.  The voice in my head says "If you ever plan anything that involves the town hall, permitting, and site maps again, I will kill you." The good parent in me wants to do a fundraiser for the PTA that will be easy, fun, and highly successful. The voice inside me says "Throw out an idea, see if it sticks, and be happy if it makes $100."

My wallet and common sense says that I should be feeling better.  The doctors have said that diverticulitis is manageable, and in some cases, doesn't ever reoccur.  The doctors have said that that is likely to be all that it is, but they will run extra tests and biopsies, just to be sure.  The doctors just diagnosed Tony's second (estranged) family member with Stage 4 cancer.  The voice in my head says to remind Tony that he now has a very real, very dangerous, family history of cancer and heart issues, and that I should get him to set up some much needed appointments. The voice in my head says he will listen to me just about as much as Youngest does.

The voice in my head says that I should reschedule my appointments for an earlier date.... so I did.

The voice says "It will all work out fine,

let the pieces fall where they want, then rearrange them as needed,

it's not your job to do it all, or to hold it all together,

you are not alone.

Now, get yourself another bowl of that risotto."