Crossing Over...

"Good Bye.  I love you.  Have fun today.  And don't end up in a freezer." ~Tony

I have written here for the better part of 5 years now.  And while I'd admit that my writing lately has been lacking both in optimism and frequency, I do still want to be here, if not just for the therapeutic nature, but for the feeling that all in my craziness and insecurities, I am not alone. Which is of course, why despite losing my independent domain name, and drastically seeing comments drop off, I am still (admittedly all but barely) writing and reading. Even more shocking is that there are those few who will always check in, and when they see nothing on the pages they wonder.... and sometimes worry... because in a weird way, indescribable to the non-blogging population, we are friends.

My mother calls it a new age pen pal.

Which is probably the best way to describe it.  It does propose and interesting dilemma though, when you quite literally throw you life out there for everyone to read, of who will stumble upon it.  Will they be truthful about who they are?  Will they judge me, or not understand my sarcasm?  Will they understand that I have an underlying curse to hold little nuggets of information in my head about random things, so when I say "I tried that" or  give a snippet of my life in a comment, I am not trying to know it all, but merely trying to relate.  Will they understand that behind this screen is a real person, with a real life, and while it's as unexciting as everyone else's life 90% of the time, my words here are my way of making it entertaining and preserving it for the day I am gone?

Which of course leads to the next dilemma... I am as real of a person as you. the reader. And at some point, the two may meet.  Forever ago, I met Stephanie.  In Boston for work, we planned to meet, on the 10th anniversary of Sept. 11th no less.  We met up, went to lunch, indulged in pastries, and had a very nice day together.  One of her co-workers had seen us at Cheers and commented that "It looked like we were old friends."  And in truth, it felt like it. We occasionally text back and forth, she checks on me when we get buried in snow, and I check on her when she's in a closet while the tornado sirens sound. We share an unhealthy love of Cadbury eggs. We have crossed that line... into reality... and I love that she is my friend from Texas.

Another blogger crossed over years ago, actually becoming employed where I work.  And while admittedly it was odd that she knew more about me walking in the door than most have learned in years, she is also my friend.  She respects the fact that while I am only a semi-private blog, I don't want the office knowing what I write here. And in return, I comment on her "paid for" posts, keeping her stats alive and depositing into her Paypal.  She is my friend everyday, online, and standing in line at the grocery store.

So when another blogger told me that she was to be in New England for the week I didn't hesitate to agree to meet her.   Which is kind of crazy when you think about it, because what are the odds that I would again have a good experience?  One of my favorite comments ever was from Drake on this post, which read...  

"So let me get this straight – you accepted tickets from an online blogger and instead of ending up in some fat guy’s freezer, you got a first class room with bedding that looks as if it can absorb entire bodies and take you to Narnia?
So. Jealous."

Which is why, as Tony kissed me good bye on Friday, he jokingly told me to not end up in a freezer. The plan was to meet about half way for both of us.  I had taken the entire day off as a much needed sanity day and while I was a bit nervous, was excited to finally meet up. Our lives had been very similar over the years, and it would be nice to put an actual face to her profile, different than the creative one she had had for the last few years.  She blogs anonymously, and I will respect that here as well.

We shopped, we ate, we talked.  It was like I had known her for years.  I didn't have to fill her in on the details, she already knew them. We talked about the kids, the ex husbands, the boyfriend, paying for college, and home renovations. Turns out we both needed this respite of goodness as both our lives have had more than our share of heartache lately. And as luck would have it, I also found the perfect wallet for myself at the Coach store, so win, win! The day wrapped up sooner than I had wanted (we only made it to 1/4 of the stores!) but she had a plane to catch and kids to get home to.  The whole ride home I just kept thinking how lucky I was to have had met her, someone I never would have met without this little chronicle of mine. I now have another friend on the West Coast.

Which is completely awesome.

Even more awesome than not ending up in some fat guy's freezer.

Homecoming...

"I want black pants."
"I think lighter pants are better.  Try them both."
"I want a button down shirt."
"Like those?" ( I point to the wall in the store.)
"Plaid"
"You'll look like you're wearing flannel."
"I'll look like Grampy."
"How about Stripes?"
"No."
"Purple?"
"Blue."
"Light or dark?"
"Dark"
"Tie?"
"Yes."
"Belt?"
"Yes."
"Shoes?"
"No."

2 days later...

"How much gel should I use in my hair?"
"A pea sized amount."
"I need more."
"Like a corn kernel more."

An hour later...

"I need shoes."
"Let's go we have two hours before the dance."
"Black or brown?"
"Black."

*sigh* $65 more dollars...

In the car...

"Now my belt doesn't match.  Wait! It's reversible."
fidgets with belt, whips it off in the car... "Nope. Nope it's not."
He puts belt back on.

Home...

Fully dressed...

"Smell these colognes.  Which one is good?"
"Tony doesn't like the tie."

The two fidget through Tony's ties looking for another match.
 
"No  That looks like an old man postal tie."
"This is a good tie."
"No, no it is not, wear the one we bought. It's younger."

$200 later, Oldest was finally off to the homecoming dance.

His very first dance of High School.

*sigh*

He's the daughter I never had...

... in a stylin' tie.

Family Ties....

In a rare moment this past weekend the husband and I unexpectedly found ourselves alone for a few hours. At one point during our On Demand Quantico catch up on the couch, he mentioned that this was exactly the way he wanted his days off to be, just spending time together.  I asked him if that was enough, just me.  Because sadly, the reality is that his "circle" is shrinking, and I wonder if that will be okay for him.  I wonder if those of us that shake out in the end will be enough for him.

Family is a funny thing.  It's fantastic when it comes together, this genetic comradery, creating best friends for life and dependable people who will always believe the best in you, even when you don't believe in yourself. But sometimes it just doesn't. Real life isn't like that.  Sometimes life just takes over and you're left sitting at the Thanksgiving table wondering who the hell these people are and why you're sitting with them.  Or, hiding from them out in the car with a bottle of wine.

I have been very lucky in that my family, for the most part, are my friends.  My parents have been my safe place, and my siblings have played nearly every role in my story. I have numerous aunts and uncles, cousins, first, seconds and thirds, all which I have learned something from. But the biggest thing I've learned?

Family isn't determined by DNA.

My boys are very close to my parents.  They also had their VoVo (Tony's mom), and their Grandma Do from Florida. Their paternal grandparents, Nana and Papa, who have little more to do with them than sending a check in a card when they remember, always accompanied by a note of how they'd love to see them, but mom couldn't make it happen.  (And why couldn't I? Because they NEVER tell me they are in town... 20 minutes away... for 3 months.)  Their Grandma Do is my friend from Florida who took on the mom role for me when my mom was 1200 miles away, and their VoVo was the woman they visited on Saturdays, who despite not understanding a word they said, loved them with every bit of her, proudly posting pictures of them on her fridge right along side her "real" grand kids.  I don't have to tell you which ones they consider to be family.

They also have an aunt who lives 10 minutes away.  I ran into her about a month ago.  She was at a beach bar that I had wandered into looking for a friend of mine who had disappeared from our picnic a ways down on the beach.  She looked right through me as she walked by, socialized with her friends, all caught up in the famous Hollywood company she had found  herself in.  And while she was posting selfies with her new found, Oscar winning best friend, the nephews that she claims to have loved so much, that she hasn't seen in 4 years, the only link left to her brother, were playing on the beach a few hundred yards away.  But that nugget would never make it to Facebook, and the boys could have cared less that they missed seeing her.  She may share their freckles, but is not their family.

Tony's ex wife's, ex-brother in law, is one of our favorite people.  He visits him every week.  We raise money for Parnkinson's research under his team.  He cooks for us, Tony brings him beer, he was the only person not related to us at the wedding.  And yet, he was there.  Because he is just as much of a brother to Tony as his actual brother, and in some ways, is more.

Family is a choice.

And surrounding yourself with those people who have your back, ones who love you despite yourself, ones who make time for you in their busy lives, who make the hard choices when you can't, and who will loan you their sweatpants after they've made you laugh so hard you pee a little....

Those are the people you keep as family.

After my grandparents passing, my mother found she had 2 siblings left.  And while it was a tough thing to accept, I think her life is fuller and healthier now that the rest have gone on to other things.  I don't know what will happen in the upcoming months with what's left of Tony's family.  I see glimmers of hope, but my gut sees a much sadder story unfolding.  And I just hope that in the end, the family that he's left with, his chosen family, will be enough.

~~~~~~


Incidentally, as I wrote this Tony was sitting on the couch, asking why I question these things.  (If he is happy with our life, with me, etc.)  Then he laughed and said "See, this is why I think you must drink all the time."

*eye roll*

If only I did honey.... if only I did.

Making Grown Up Choices...

The high school has switched to a mostly paperless approach this year, which despite the enormous stack of paper that has landed in my recycling bin, means that the more important things, like progress reports, are available online. Except of course, for those in academic trouble, and then hard copies are mailed home.

So it goes without saying that every piece of mail from the high school, which ironically appears daily in the mailbox, sends a wave of panic though me.  This last week's mailings have consisted of notification of the availability of online progress reports, a perfect attendance "award" for the month of September (WTH???) , and notification that PSATs will be on Thursday.

Wait. Whoa.

When did he get old enough for the PSATs?

*sigh*

Oldest turns 15 next month. And I'd love to kick and scream and say we're not ready, but in truth we are.  He's a good kid.  Honor roll student.  Conscientious.  Considerate.  He holds doors and treats girls with respect. And, while he spends entirely too much time on the computer, he equally enjoys hanging out after school with his friends, annoying the crap out of his brother, and playing basketball.

Having always been an old soul, he's aware of the stress and financial "woes" of the house right now. So when I sat him down and asked what he wanted to do for his birthday this year, after great thought he decided that in lieu of a trip to Europe (eye roll) he'd like to go to a Patriots game with Tony, a request that in any other area of the country would be easy peasy.  Except here where Patriots tickets have been sold out since 19 ninety frigging 4.

Just getting on the wait list for tickets is $100 per year, which is crazy.  (Side note: at last release, there were currently 50,000 people on the wait list for tickets.  If you do the math, that's 5 MILLION dollars per year to wait for the chance to buy tickets (for another $100-800 each) to sit in the freezing ass cold, way too tiny seats, and pay $10 for a hot dog.  WTF? )  So this is when it is nice to know people... who know people... who know that a 15 year old and his step father (who will likely not imbibe in any of the bah-ghin priced 14 dollar brews) are not a risk for their long held season tickets, and sold them to us for just $25 over face value.  Such a deal since the row behind them are currently selling for $399 each on Stub Hub. *cough* rip off *cough*

My parents will likely get him some sort of over priced paraphernalia in the form of a jersey or hoodie.  His aunts and uncles will likely do something on the lines of cash for the evening, making it an entire day of football and guy time. If we had the cash I'd put his name on the marquee, but I already have a soft second mortgage on the house so that option is out.  But at the end of the day, none of that matters.

He chose memories for his 15th birthday.

Which is kind of awesome.

Whose kid is this anyway?

Restoring Balance....

The husband and I decided a few days ago to call a truce of sorts.  I will only have to manage the household that we live in, and he will try and let go of his mother's estate, take a break for a bit so to speak, and revisit it in December to see if anything gets done. That truce, as you can imagine, lasted about 2 days, until the will could not be found and my husband had to go looking.  He found it exactly where it was supposed to be, and then later got a phone call about it not being an original. His brother is still insisting that he take care of the estate. Let's just hope that his stubbornness doesn't cost him more than he's willing to lose.

*sigh*

I, on the other hand, feel a bit better about planning for our family, addressing worst case scenarios, and moving forward. It's my wheelhouse actually. I bought new glasses today.  Something I have desperately needed to do.  It was getting to the point when, while driving, I could't distinguish if I needed new wipers or new glasses. (Truthfully, I think it's both.) I even splurged for real big girl adult glasses instead of my normal little kid ones. (They fit my face better, and they are half  the price... don't laugh.)  They will be in in about a week because apparently they don't stock lenses for the legally blind.

I also priced out dishwasher today.  Found a couple of options, well within our price range.  Which is good, because stuffing towels under our existing one for the last two years is getting old.

I will be training a new employee tomorrow to replace my substitute carrier who will be getting his own route next month.  It's been a long time since I trained someone from scratch, let's just hope he has half a brain and can follow direction.  And if he doesn't work out, I'll be working overtime, which will of course, help pay for the dishwasher.  On the upside, the entire office was flipped around last week and I think I may have found where everything went.  I work a very mundane, routine driven job for a reason folks, and rearranging the entire office (that has been the same for the last 10 years) is taking some getting used to.  Most of all, my being isolated in the corner.

Although the extra space and radio is nice.

We seem to have weathered the storms with minimal water in the basement and no real damage to the ceiling where we have the leaks in the roof.  Hopefully I will be hearing from the roofer this week with a timeline for the work getting done and a cost. And... I was finally able to pay off all the other construction projects that have gone on around here over the last year.  Which feels good.

So... all that to say that I am attempting to restore the balance in my Libra driven life.  It is not often that I have nothing in my life that feels like solid ground, and that ends today. Tomorrow I will put one foot in front of the next, get through the day, and deal with whatever lands in front of me rather than look for things to put in my way.

Maybe, with a little luck, one of the things that lands in front of me,  will be dipped in chocolate.