To The Band And Crew Of 3 Doors Down,
I recently purchased a VIP pass for
your Hyannis show at the Cape Cod Melody Tent in Massachusetts as a
surprise birthday gift for my husband. I was unaware that I would
be able to give you anything, so I am unsure if this letter will ever
actually reach you, or if it will fall like thousands of others I'm
sure, in the hands of your staff and disregarded. Nonetheless, I
felt I should write it anyway as I am always preaching to my kids the
value in saying “Thank you”. And before you get the wrong
idea, while I am a fan, I will never be one of those super fans that
can/will spend hundreds of dollars just to shake your hands. My husband
has followed your music for years so for him, the experience was well
worth the money, but giving that experience to our entire family of
five is just not realistic for us. Which is perfectly fine, and not
what this letter is about. Please bear with me if I digress, as I
have never written a “fan” letter in my life. Ever.
When I was pregnant with my first son,
his father (my first husband) was watching the video of Kryptonite
and turned to me and said, “I love this. Because even if I go
crazy and run around in my underwear, I hope our son still thinks I'm
Superman.” His comment, while meant to be humorous at the time,
proved to be an ironic twist of life as we fast forwarded a few years
(and another son) right into a messy/violent divorce and his apparent
undiagnosed, self-medicated bipolar-manic depressive mental
illnesses. The children saw him for a few hours once a month, and
while many of the visits were filled with walking on egg shells and
chaos, there was also music, YOUR music, blasting though the
truck on the way home, sung loudly and off key, changing the mood and
wiping away the heartbreak from another visit that wasn't... good.
When I started seeing someone new, the
hostility and anger reached epic levels and the manipulation of the
children became unbearable. Granted some of this was just who he
was, but looking back now, I'd say most of it was his losing battle
with his mental illness. For years he tried to get the kids to hate
this new man and in the beginning he was quite successful. But there
was a moment when my younger son turned to me and said that this new
man couldn't be so bad, because he “Liked the same music as
Daddy.” It's funny how even at 4 he could be so aware of the
fact that while this new life was the polar opposite
of our “old” life, there was one common thread. Music. Slowly,
this new man did win them over, and eight years later we married.
And three months later, their
biological father died.
He lost his battle with prescription
drugs and depression. The boys were 9 and 11 at the time, and had no
experience with death before. His grandparents and aunt staged a
small but over the top service for him, and insisted the kids pick a
song for his memorial video. They picked “Love Me When I'm Gone”,
as their father had always asked before he dropped them off to “love
him while he was gone”. For months afterward we would drive
somewhere in the car and when that
song came up they would understandably ask to skip it. So when it
came time to take them to their first concert, (Mohegan Sun, CT with
Daughtry) naturally I was concerned for them as soon as the notes
began to play, but for the first time it wasn't hard for them. We
sat there as a family (my step son included) and for a moment, just
got lost in the music. And while 30,000 fans sang and screamed from
their seats, I had a quiet moment of healing way up there in the
bleachers.
I realize that you have a fan base who
will buy anything you produce and pay any amount to see you on stage.
And I know from watching/reading interviews that every band says
that they are about their fans and their music. But, the margin of
bands surviving for decades is slim, and to truly be successful they
need to honor those words. In truth, I have loved hundreds of songs
in my lifetime in every genre. And while I may never remember that
the trash barrels go out on Thursday, if you put one of those songs
on from over a decade ago I will still remember every single word.
But rarely will I be transported back to that moment in time when I
first heard it, and never have I ever had one band that could do
that for me so many times. It's why we chose 3 Doors Down to be both
my sons and my step son's (now 20) first concert. It's why we chose
lyrics from “Your Arms Feel Like Home” to be part of our wedding
vows. It's why my sons chose your song to memorialize their father.
These songs bring it all back, and for 3 minutes we are right back in
that moment, but with the advantageous foresight of knowing exactly
how it will all turn out.
So for that, I say thank you. Thank
you for using your unique talents, the platform, and visibility that
you have to try and make someone's moment easier. Thanks to the road
crew and production people who make every show a much better
experience than a favorite digital recording. Thank you for being
sustainable and continuing on despite unfortunate circumstances or
vices that may tear at the seams that hold your band together. Thank
you for waking up and getting off the bus when they tell you, touring
in tight quarters, and dealing with super crazed psycho fans who
don't understand that you just want to be normal for a minute. But
most of all thank you for talking to me like you were a normal person
when I shook your hand and posed for a picture, and genuinely being
nice to my husband, who only discovered he'd be shaking all of your
hands 30 minutes prior, when he could only come up with a dorky “Your
music is awesome.” as I'm sure you've hear thousands of times
before. And just know that while you may be playing for thousands of
fans who want to rip your clothes off, and/or party with you, that
somewhere in the cheap seats is a middle aged Mom, listening and
watching as the melody rises through the venue harmonizing the
devastating and amazing moments that have created the soundtrack of
her family's life, and appreciating every minute of it.
See you at the next show...
Juli
