The key chain is has a leather strap that holds a 3 dimensional, bronze-ish letter "J" with Mickey Mouse standing by it's side. To some, it may be just another novelty picked last minute off the register racks at Disney World. But for me, it marked the beginning. Hand picked, just for me, by a nine year old boy while on a trip with his Dad to Disney.
On Monday, that nine year old turned 20.
We joke about the key chain now, first that I would not remember what he bought me, and second that I still have it. Over the years even I can not believe that it has not been lost or broken, yet there it resides at the bottom of my purse. This life I have now is so far from where it was then. I picked flowers from the garden this week. The hydrangeas almost never bloomed although they had been established for years. Two years ago we moved them and Tony, the yard Nazi that he is, watered them religiously. Now they produce flowers the size of dish plates in pink, purple, blue, and white.
This past weekend we finished replacing the patio out back. Tony dug it all up and relayed some of the stones. A few days later, I laid a few more. A week later, he laid out some more while I was at work and I picked up the extra slate that we needed on my way home. He filled the seams, three day later Youngest and I filled some more and when he got home from work he touched it up and finished it off.
In the end we have a beautiful new patio, completed together, but separately, which is sometimes the way we work best. It took me a long time to figure that out. That we can work on something together but not side by side.
On Tuesday we celebrated our 3rd year of marriage together, but not side by side. Which, in it's own way was good, as we both needed to be exactly where we were. He needed to be focused on his extended family and I took the boys to the local pond for one last day of swimming and then for dinner at our favorite ice cream shop. After all, the last day of summer vacation is as good a reason as any for ice cream for dinner.
On Wednesday Oldest started his last year of middle school. Youngest started seventh grade, the midpoint of his schooling years and as we all know too well, the down hill roll is faster than the climb. We had to stop at a friend's house on the way home from the pond Tuesday night. They were playing basketball with her son, also fast becoming a young man, and I wondered how it all happened. How Bonus Brother turned 20. How Oldest's voice had already changed. How Youngest had come into his own fiercely independent person, able to self advocate for his education and all of life's injustice. The summer, although no shorter than any other has been full, but yet there were so many could haves left undone and I wondered "Had I done enough?", "Had I been present enough?", "Will they have any memories?" Or will they just remember it as nothing special? Sure they have had opportunities and experiences that many kids dream of, but had they had enough of me? Had I been the Mom they needed? Would they ever look back and say that was the best thing? Would they remember the big things, or the tiny things that I would deem insignificant? Looking back I don't miss any stage of their growing up. Sixteen months apart, each stage was fast, intense, difficult, and loving. Most days I had no idea how I'd make it through, and in hindsight there is no apparent marker of when each phase ended and the next one started. But I can tell you that those days are over and now we're on to new and more challenging stuff, plagued with newness, difficulty, and love.
And hopefully memories.
Because if I have learned nothing else from my Mickey key chain, it's that our time with them is finite. Soon enough they will go on and make their own moments, memories, and mistakes. My hope is that one day they can recall the moments when I was the mom that they needed, and through those memories slow down time just for a bit, so I can relive it all again.
Exactly as it all happened.
Because as fast as it's going, I wouldn't change a thing.
